


So Happy Together...

by Enk



Series: (Please) Be My Shelter [3]
Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anthony Stark everyone, Character Death, Consensual Sex, Drugged Sex, Gen, Gore, Loki's Kids, M/M, Marvel Comics - Freeform, Marvel Norse Lore, Mind Control, Norse Mythology - Freeform, Torture, Violence, unsafe sexual practices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:32:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1563104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enk/pseuds/Enk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki drags Tony across the galaxy in the hunt for the man's lost memories and as it turns out, Thanos isn't the only evil working against them, and Tony's memories aren't the only things for which they are looking.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Good Morning, Good Morning to You

Everything hurts. Not just the parts of his body behind where the attacks had hit. No, everything hurts, every cell in Tony's body feels like it is on fire. His legs appear to be covered in fire ants while his face and body appear to have suffered the world's worst sunburn. Hell, he swears he can feel his neurons firing in overtime at the sudden- what the hell had even happened? As the pain subsides, slowly, he can feel the air cool against his skin. A gentle breeze cools the burning feeling of his skin. He thinks, maybe it is not a burn, but just heat because it cools quickly.

It takes a few moments for him to get his bearings: in the suit, face plate missing, wind means outdoors. He opens his eyes. The world is bright, too bright, too fast. The world skews and tilts sharply to the left or maybe the right, Tony can't tell because he can barely manage to roll over onto his side before his abdomen and chest spasm and he loses what little food he had in his stomach. He tastes bile and alcohol and somehow, he knows this isn't the first time he has felt like this. When the retching subsides, he falls onto his back into the grass beneath him. He blinks. The sky is not blue. It is a soft violet and not the kind that comes with dusk or dawn. Though it is dusk. The sun begins to settle below the edge of the horizon, a second smaller sun following its path while a cool blue moon rises over a range of snow-capped mountains on the other end of Tony's peripheral vision.

Well, he thinks. He's definitely not in Kansas any more. Maybe, he should be more panicked about this or where he is and how he got here, but he isn't. Instead, he sits up slowly and looks around the area as far as he can see. Behind him, a forest stretches to the edge of a sea and in front of him the grass turns to barren rocks and soil towards the mountain range. He leans back on his forearms and takes in the scenery. It is beautiful.

“When you are done soaking up the scenery-” He hears Loki's voice from behind him and Tony doesn't stop to think but rolls over and shoots before jumping to his feet scanning the ground for his face plate.

When he sees it in the grass, he wishes he had been able to finalize the autonomous armour on which he had been working. Instead, he dives for it, hoping whatever Loki throws at him is survivable enough to put on the plate and get the hell out of there. Only Loki throws nothing at him. He doesn't even move, not even when the repulsor blasts hit him. Is the guy letting out an exasperated sigh? And that's when Tony's eyes fall on Natasha kneeling beside Clint who currently loses his lunch like Tony did earlier.

"What the hell is going on?" He's still aiming his repulsors at Loki like they could actually harm him. He's seen Thor take one of them point blank to the face and not even flinch. "What did you do to them?" He demands answers. He has no idea what is going on, no idea where they are, and what's worse, he has no way to defend both Natasha and Clint because Loki's between him and them.

"The question should be: how did they get here?" Loki doesn't exactly look bored, but there's something in his face that's definitely not amused by how things turned out here. "And the answer to that question would be..." He looks at Natasha.

"We hitched a ride." She rolls her eyes at Loki. "Clearly should have remembered that travelling via Loki teleport isn't a very gentle affair."

Tony looks at her silent for a long time. He is feeling a little dumbfounded, a little too confused to form words right now and that never happens. Loki doesn't seem to mind too much, nor feel particularly threatened seeing as the guy takes a couple of steps- far enough away from where Clint is retching- and sits down on the grass and crosses his legs. There isn't battle armour. In fact, he's just wearing simple black pants and a dark green woven cloth shirt which could perfectly well pass as regular in New York City. The hair is what stumps Tony, long and... wavy, yeah he wouldn't have expected wavy. Loki looked like the kind of guy that should have smooth, raven tresses or what not. Not look like the before picture in a before-and-after straightening iron review on YouTube.

"When you are done gaping, you should probably divest yourself of the the suit and we will try to explain in ways you can understand." The way Loki looks at Tony makes him uncomfortable. He's got that kind of look on his face that screams all kinds of concern and, and, no, Tony won't start caring. Loki's the bad guy. He's the guy who tried to take over Earth, the guy who nearly levelled New York City and for some reason that feels incredibly wrong and Tony doesn't know why.

"So what? You figured out a way to control their minds without your Glowstick of Destiny?" He doesn't divest of anything. If anything, he's going to aim everything he's got at Loki since he's now sitting far enough from Natasha and Clint that Tony doesn't feel they'll be in danger if he unloads the entire volley of his suit on the guy.

"We are not mind-controlled." Natasha sighs and pats Clint's back one last time before getting up. "In fact, Loki here hadn't exactly planned to take us with him," she glared. "He only meant to grab you and get the hell out of there because Thor told him so. I made the decision to join in on the fun. And Clint, well-"

"Already regretting it," Clint groans from the grass. "What the hell, man? Do you travel by repeatedly punching people in the gut?"

This isn't getting any better. Supposedly if Natasha and Clint had elected to come with them, why are they not trying to attack Loki? Why are they not trying to save Tony's ass from whatever fate the crazy God of What the Fuck had concocted in his mind. He refuses to sit. He refuses to stand still, too. Pacing up and down he tries to make sense of this, tries to make sense of why he is missing memories and what they would be. _They_ know. Natasha and Clint, hell all of the Avengers appear to know. It's Tony who is utterly out of the loop here and judging by their faces, maybe he doesn't even want to know.

"I will attempt to break the enchantment that keeps your memories locked away in a book that yes, someone took from me"

"That's a pretty big mistake to make, buddy." Clint spits one last time and wipes his mouth looking less pallid, less like he's been just put through the ringer. Loki rolls his eyes at him.

"We do not have time for petty quarrels."

Tony notes just how much Loki sounds like his brother there. Thor. Tony remembers Thor yelling at Loki, but not with rage or disappointment, but rather encouraging him to get the fuck out of there. None of this makes sense to Tony. The Chitauri he can see. Loki had failed to take over the world, and they finally tracked him down to the last place they probably expected him to hide from them. That's something that makes sense. The rest still doesn't and yeah, he's missing memories but he doesn't want his memory jogged by the same psychopath who had torn them out of his mind in the first place.

"No," he snaps at Loki, "you shut up. I don't even want to see your face let alone hear you talk to me. For all I care, those damn things should have dragged you off and left us alone."

"Tony..." Natasha starts.

"Don't tell me you're coming to his fucking defence." He snaps at her, too, because he's still angry and he won't not be for a long time. "That's the last thing I need from you is to defend this criminal."

"I'm not defending him." Natasha sounds tired. "He fucked up, but really there are things you are going say which you will regret once you have your memories back. So just... listen, okay? Loki is not the enemy here or any more for that matter. Don't look at me like that, I know, but it is what it is. You are missing several months worth of memories, not just a couple of weeks. It started with S.H.I.E.L.D. placing Loki in a prison cell inside the tower. It ended with-"

"Don't." Loki says quietly, but Natasha ignores him.

"It ended with us losing our memories because he was trying to protect us from the people who sent him with that army, the people who are on a quest much bigger than the mere invasion of our planet. They were after the Tesseract because it means much more than we initially imagined and even now, I am not sure I understand."

"It's easy," Clint stretches, "there is a magical glove of power and a bunch of magical stones which when placed in the magical glove of power give the wielder the ability to destroy the universe, by preventing it from ever having existed. In short, that kind of power will make Loki's look like little league."

"What the fuck did you drag us into?" Tony glares at Loki because he's clearly not allowed to shoot him again as much as he wants to just empty his energy reserves in Loki's face.

"I didn't exactly drag you," Loki says but there's something in his voice, something heavy, grinding at his vocal chords like he's trying to subdue a whole bunch of feelings that Tony doesn't want to know about. "Not the first time. And now? I saved your life because you deserve to know what happened to you."

"And you can't just tell me."

"You wouldn't believe me."

"I still don't." Clint raises his hand.

"So that's it? I have to follow along blind because all of you decided I can't handle the truth?" He turns on the suit's heels and stalks toward the forest asking Jarvis to plot the best course back to Earth. He'll fly back if that's what it takes. He refuses to let his resolve falter when Jarvis tells him that the journey home would take more than 60 years at the suit's maximum capability. Tony's throat feels like it's on fire, his eyes sting with the prick of tears. He hates being helpless. What he hates even more is that he appears to be at the mercy of someone like Loki. Someone who would tear apart another mind for their own entertainment. He's about to step into the forest when Natasha calls after him.

"It's not safe to go in there so close to nightfall."

"Says who? No wait, says the God of Being an Asshole." He turns around to look at them, specifically at Loki and puts as much disdain into his words as he possibly can. "So your highness, what have you planned for us then?" On second look, it's probably a good idea. The forest that had initially looked lush and beautiful now looks gnarly, twisted, dark and smells dank and stale. He ignores Natasha whispering to Loki thinking Tony can't hear her. He ignores the 'he doesn't mean it' because what the fuck is that supposed to be. Reluctantly, he returns to them and sits in the grass still a ways over but far enough from the forest to not feel like he might be dragged into it by a bunch of angry roots.

"If you enter the forest at night, you will die in all the ways you fear and in all the ways you did not know you feared." Loki holds Tony's gaze. "I wronged you, but your anger should not give way to foolishness and get yourself killed before you know our purpose."

"And what's that."

"We will find the stones before Thanos does."

"Who? And what the fuck kind of stones are you talking about?"  _Big Bad Wolf_ Tony can hear Nick's voice inside his head. Big Bad Wolf.

"It is of no concern who he is, what matters is that he can never have the stones that will give him infinite power. He can never use the gauntlet for not only Earth will suffer, but all that exists is in danger of utter destruction. He is the evil that makes you wish I had conquered your little world and ruled it with the benevolence I had planned." Loki spits his words at Tony.

"Boys, boys," Natasha looks at them, "we don't have time for pissing contests. We need a plan and right now, we need to find shelter and food. There's a small hollow by the rocks over there which will shelter us from the wind. We can gather firewood and at least not freeze to death tonight." She glances at the sky which has turned a deep purple flecked with stars. "And maybe we can hurry up."

Natasha delegates tasks like Steve would if they were back home. Home, Tony thinks with a soft pang in his guts. It isn't home as much as this isn't. In both worlds, he is completely lost, no bearings. This past year turned out to be a lie and now Tony has nothing else but an empty hole inside his brain and a lot of anger in his heart. And even if he tries, he wouldn't be able to shut it off. Too much is missing, too much is wrong.

Clint fetches firewood giving the forest a wide berth. This means most of the firewood is a bunch of twigs and the occasional branch, definitely not enough to sustain a warm fire for an entire night. Natasha clears the small area hidden by the boulders that had been brought down this far from the mountain by forces Tony can only imagine. Torrential downpours, rock falls, massive slope failures, who knows and frankly he doesn't want to stay long enough to find out. One night, then they're off to find some magical stones or whatever, maybe Tony's memories, who knows if Loki is even capable of telling the truth. Right now, the guy's missing. Typical. Things need to get done and the guy who could magic them a fire and some food is nowhere to be found. As always.

With a soft blast from the repulsor, Tony lights the small pile of wood Clint has built and Natasha joins them near the warm flames. Tony doesn't need them. His suit is keeping him at a steady core temperature of 36.6 degrees Celsius and his skin temperature snug enough to be comfortable even if the temperatures should drastically drop. Natasha on the other hand only has her widow's bite gauntlets over an oversized hoodie and a pair of jeans. Clint is half suited up in his gear pants, but wearing a simple blue t-shirt. He does have his bow, but he doesn't have the gauntlets that keep his forearms protected. At least they both have sensible foot wear. Tony usually saunters around the tower without shoes and socks, and when Loki had changed their locale, he had been in his suit wearing simple slacks and his favourite t-shirt and no shoes. Of course not, that would have been convenient.

Unfortunately, convenience had been not on their side when the Chitauri had attacked them in the tower without so much as a warning. Tony had instinctively called the suit with his bracelets and let it engulf him. To be fair, he hadn't planned on being whisked away across the universe by Loki. Or by anyone for that matter. he had expected Bruce to hulk out and kick some Chitauri ass putting the whole affair to rest before it had any chance to escalate. Of course, that hadn't happened and the initially small force had turned out to be a reckoning.

Clearly, they had come with a purpose and nothing was supposed to stop them from that purpose. Loki had supposed to be weak, without his powers only he clearly has them and then some. Whatever Thor had gotten the guy, it had acted like Adderall on a kid without ADD. Only now of course, Loki isn't here. He's probably left them to rot while he watches for the next few years to entertain himself. Tony doesn't put it past him. Tony doesn't put anything past Loki. Maybe he even staged the whole attack to entertain himself for a little while longer. Tony grinds his teeth.

"Thank you," he finally says, "for not letting him drag me away alone." Because he should thank Natasha- and Clint- for that. Because it isn't him alone in front of a fire right now. He still has someone with him, even if it isn't exactly an ideal situation.

"Make no mistake," Natasha looks at him, "I am only here because I knew if I let you two go off alone, you'd be at each other's throats in the first five minutes and neither of you are any good dead."

"And I don't let her try and do something like that alone." Clint adds. "We're supposed to be a team. All of us. He took that away and even overlooking what he did to me, he took us away from each other and that's not something I am planning on forgiving not after that mind control incident, but we need his help and he needs ours. And we help because that's what we're supposed to do."

Tony gapes at Clint for a few moments. He's not sure he has ever heard Clint say that much at one. Or in the past year combined. The guy has maybe said three words to Tony at once and now a speech about teamwork? What the hell kind of memories had Loki taken from them?! Tony sighs.

"Fine," he doesn't look at them, "fine, I'll lay off, we figure out a plan, we get my memories back, and we defeat that big bad wolf that thinks it's okay to mess with us. And after, we go on with our lives and he goes on with his."

The look Natasha gives him nearly burns him. It isn't vicious or even angry. In fact, it is filled with such pity, such pain that he can't keep looking at her and turns away to stoke the fire with a stick. He remembers her words, that he'd regret the things he's been saying to Loki. He doubts that very much, but she knows what happened to them and she won't tell, which allows Tony's imagination to conjure bizarre scenarios which could have occurred before the year that turned out to be a lie.

Loki returns without announcement. He simply walks up to the camp and drops what looks to be an armful of roots in front of the fire with the explanation that once cooked in the coals of the fire, the roots will provide sustenance. He's right. Sustenance is right because those roots taste terrible, like bitter ashes and soured milk. However, Tony eats them because bad tasting food is better than no food once Jarvis ruled out potential poisons contained therein. Natasha eats as well and she looks about as excited about it as Tony does. And Clint, well Clint's always been a special case because he's on root number three and asking for a fourth.

Here they are, sitting around a camp fire eating strange alien root vegetables and Tony has never felt so foreign, never felt so outcast and at the same time, he's never felt so at home.

 


	2. All Who Wander Are Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony realizes the extent to which he is lost

 

With a start, Tony rouses from his sleep. The moment he opens his eyes, he can no longer remember the dreams that haunted him throughout the night. All that is left is the odd feeling of fading panic, an emptiness, and the slow settling of his breath. Whatever the hell that was, he doesn't remember. And to be honest, knowing he is waking up on an alien planet across the galaxy, he doesn't really want to. There's shit he has to do.

 

He sits up straight. Natasha stokes the fire again while Clint takes stock in is arrows. Tony counts two dozen. Not enough, especially since he knows at least five of them have exploding heads which are not salvageable after use. Natasha has her widow's bite bracers, but who knows how long they hold a charge. And Tony, he's at 97% power, but of course that can change at any time, too. And then there is Loki, who once more is nowhere to be seen.

 

"I see we're alone again." He stretches and pushes himself up to stand. "He hunting us more roots for breakfast?"

 

"Rat." Loki's voice is right behind him. "If you must know." He throws a... thing beside the fire. That is not a fucking rat is Tony's first thought. The thing is twice the size of a muskrat, easy, completely bald and-

 

"Is that the thing Thor brought for dinner?" Tony says before he can stop himself. He has no idea where that came from. When had Thor ever brought something for dinner? They're all staring at him: Clint suspicious, Natasha curious, and Loki, Loki is tries to look disinterested and neutral but Tony knows that face. There's a whole lot of emotion beneath that, hope for one. Since when can he read Loki's fucking face? "What? Something I said?"

 

"Your memories," Loki says and kneels down beside it and pulls a dagger from his belt as he guts the beast. "They are coming back, though I do not know how. They should be concealed and sealed away until the enchantment is broken. It cannot be released slowly."

 

"Maybe it is breaking down on its own?" Natasha suggests and beheads the creature before throwing it on the coals. "This is going to take forever to cook and we're out of fire wood."

 

Loki doesn't reply. He picks up a sizable rock like it's made of paper and pops it beside the fire and stares at both. The green seeps from his hands and turns coals into a glowing blue flame and the rock in turn begins to glow red with heat. Clint manages to grab the beasts legs and throws it on the rock before it burns completely. And so they watch as Loki feeds whatever sort of energy the guy can channel into the fire and rock to keep it hot. Before Tony can make any sort of remark, the smell of cooking meat permeates the air and after those disgusting tubers, he is perfectly okay with alien meat. Well, not okay, but he doesn't have much of a choice and if Loki had wanted to poison them, those tubers had been the perfect chance. Tony still doesn't get why Natasha and Clint trust him, but he figures he can at least pull the glove part of the suit away back into the forearm sheath and use his bare hands to the slab of meat Loki hands him when the beast is cooked.

 

They eat in silence and it's fucking weird because Tony's eating crazy wildebeest Loki had somehow caught and Tony doesn't want to think about Loki hunting, crouched low, muscles tense, waiting to strike. Something pools hot in Tony's chest and all of a sudden he's not hungry any more. Well shit. What the hell was that? He puts the cooked side of beasty down and avoids looking at Loki.

 

"So what's the plan?" He asks Natasha like she has more of a clue than Loki.

 

"The plan is whatever Loki says it is." Her look tells him to fuck off. He isn't sure why, but maybe his ignoring Loki was a little too blatant there.

 

"Fine," he turns to Loki but still doesn't look at him. "What's the plan, reindeer games? Going to fatten us up and feed us to a giant spider before we reach Mordor?"

 

Loki looks at Tony, and then gets up without saying a word. The blast of magic hits Tony square in the chest and the punch that follows makes his eyes water and his ears ring. He's disoriented. He wants to look at Natasha to tell her he's told her so, but suddenly he finds himself face down on the ground eating dirt with Loki's knee on his neck.

 

"If I wanted to kill you," Loki pulls him up and throws him against the rocks. The metal clangs as the face plate falls shut over Tony's face. "If I wanted to kill you, I would have done so by now. I have told you our purpose. And to succeed, we require the gauntlet and the sceptre which I have hidden in the forest. So the _plan_ , dear Mr. Stark, is to get into that forest, find those two things, and get out as fast as we can. We've already wasted too much sunlight."

 

It takes a few moments for Tony to get his bearings again. For a moment, he thinks about returning the attack but finally, Natasha gets up and plants herself firmly between Tony and his line of sight to Loki. Her glare tells him all. Stop the pissing contest. He wants to tell her that it isn't that but what is he supposed to say instead? That he's confused? Scared? Terrified as to what is missing from his head? Sure he could do that but then Loki would have a field day. Or so he imagines the guy would. So, Tony doesn't say anything.

 

"From what I understand," she says finally, "the forest is for lack of a better word cursed. During daytime it is safe to traverse, but once the sun sets, it turns into a killer forest from hell. Does that sum it up?"

 

"Just about," Loki smiles like he's going to enjoy this. "The longer we stand around discussing the plan, the less time we have and believe me, we do not want to remain here for another night." Loki looks directly at Tony. "So, are we going to go ahead or do you want to wait here while the adults go on their quest and you wait here like a scared child." He shrugs, still smiling. "No one will think you weak, well no one except for I, your mortal enemy."

 

"You two are both idiotic assholes," Clint says and shoulders his quiver and takes his bow. "Let's get the fuck going, I don't want to be forest food to get your damned memories, back, Stark. It's bad enough you don't remember I had a room with a view." He glares at all of them and walks toward the forest which in the sunlight looks like it should be on a postcard.

 

The last of the morning dew still sparkles on the leaves in the sun. Both evergreens and deciduous trees are in full, juicy green. Birds sing chipper, trilling in the distance even if Tony can't see them. And when they step through the line of trees along a small bunny path, he's feeling almost feeling a bit silly walking through a forest wearing the suit. He's not exactly graceful walking but it's better than being caught out of it as Loki had to aptly demonstrated. The moss is soft beneath their feet, well not Tony's, but nothing is truly soft in relation to the suit. The forest comes alive with noise of rustling leaves, the continued song of birds, the pitter-patter of small creatures rushing along the forest floor and amongst the trees. And it smells, sweet and fragrant and when Tony looks around, flowers bloom all around them, colourful and bright drawing to them pollinators of all sizes, things that look like the distant cousins of butterflies, sparkling in all colours of the rainbow, and hummingbirds glittering green and blue and red with tail feathers like birds of paradise. It's a fucking glorious place.

 

"Keep moving," Loki hisses and Tony isn't sure he likes the way Loki listens to every noise, tenses every few steps. It's like the guy is walking through a minefield only the minefield is a gorgeous forest. "And stay together." Yeah, there's something between Loki and the forest that he may not have mentioned to them because no guy walks into a place this fantastic really looking like he's about to be strangled and killed by an army of chipmunks laying in waiting for them.

 

"This place isn't so bad," Clint says but doesn't stray from the path. "I mean as far as cursed forests go."

 

"Been to many?" Natasha asks with a smirk.

 

"You don't know I haven't!" He exclaims and playfully pretends to shove her off the path. "For all you know I could have grown up in a magical forest with a twin sister, maybe there were witches, you don't know!"

 

Natasha laughs and rolls her eyes, but for all she allows Clint to release his tension through joking, she is on guard. Not that Tony's ever seen the woman not be _on_. This is different though. She, much like Loki, is wary of her surroundings. Her steps are just as careful as Loki's. Though Tony can't tell if it's because she believes what she's been told or because she can feel something's off in the air. There's something cloying in the sweetness of the scent and the wind is always warm and never fresh despite the proximity to the sea. Maybe something isn't quite right here, maybe Tony should watch his steps more. When something flits along the the periphery of his vision, Tony raises his arms without pause. The repulsors charge to defend with a mere thought. Jarvis is on point as always.

 

He turns to follow the something, but there is nothing to be seen in close proximity. He turns again to make sure. Nothing. Well, it wouldn't be the first time his imagination had run away with him. Only when he turns back to say something to the others... they're gone. He is alone in the middle of the forest, walking still, but certainly alone. He turns again.

 

"Hey guys?" He calls out, frantically moving his head left and right and left again. "Hey, I think I got off the path a bit. Jarvis can you scan the area?" There's no reply from Jarvis and suddenly, the suit is heavy, too heavy to move. "What the hell is going on?!" He shouts and tries to move. The screen in front of his faceplate tells him power has drained beyond critical levels. How was that even possible? They had barely walked for five minutes! "Jarvis report!" The voice that comes is a distorted echo of the A.I. he relies on so much. Fuck. "Jarvis, emergency exit!"

 

Moss doesn't feel as welcoming when you are shoved out of an armoured suit by a rocket propelled escape mechanism. Or rather, it isn't enough to cushion the impact when Tony hits a near-by tree after sliding across the moss and sticks and fuck there is nothing soft about the forest floor as he feels his skin torn open by sticks and rocks and things he doesn't want to know. The spine cracking impact with the whatever kind of tree is almost welcome because it stops the scraping burning movement across the floor even if it knocks the breath out of him. For a few moments, Tony is perfectly still and the forest is perfectly silent. All he can hear is his own breath echo in his ears. The armour lies in front of him, crumpled useless on the ground. And still, he is completely alone with no sight of the others, not even a distant shout of his name or the fall of footsteps nearing.

 

"If this is a fucking joke, Loki," he speaks loud and clear to hide the quiver of fear in his chest, "it's not funny. I get it, scary forest of doom dangerous. Lesson learned now let's get out of here."

 

There is no reply and deep down Tony knew there wouldn't be. He is all alone. For whatever reason, he has lost the others. They're not near and he isn't about to be rescued. He allows the panic to spread for a five-count and then he takes a deep breath and reaches into his pocket where the flask he had put the day before he'd been kidnapped still remains. His next breath is shaky as he carefully unscrews the cap and places the cool metal against his lips and tilts the flask. The liquid is warmer than the metal, warm against his lips as it flows into his mouth and caresses his tongue with a bitter smoke and burnt moss taste. He still has no idea what he had poured, it's too sweet for whiskey, too amber- and frankly not enough turpentine- for cheap vodka, definitely not tequila, and decidedly not strange enough for brennevin. It doesn't matter. It is alcohol. And he had a mouthful of it. He screws the cap back on as tight as he can so as not to accidentally lose any of the precious liquid and closes his eyes as he lets the liquid linger, burn into his tongue before he swallows and opens his eyes.

 

The change is subtle but it is there. The panic and fear have been subdued for now. The effect of the alcohol shouldn't be so instantaneous but he isn't going to complain. He needed to be calm. He has no suit of armour and no way to fix it nor does he have contact with his friends. Normally, stay in place- and get trashed off the contents of his flask- is the reasonable thing to do. Someone would come and find him in normal circumstances. These are not normal circumstances and if Tony believes any of what Loki has told him over the past few hours, it is that the forest is cursed or evil or whatever. It's a forest up to no good. That's all he needs to know. Which means he has a choice: wait and find out what that evil awaits him after sunset or start moving in the hopes of finding shelter. Finding shelter is the no brainer. Or stumbling upon his bizarre band of adventurers on their way to find the Glowstick of Destiny and the Mitten of Power. Yeah, no one is going to believe this story.

 

He gets up and brushes off most of the leaves and dirt. He has numerous cuts and scrapes, some of which ooze small rivulets of blood but it isn't anything he concerns himself with at this point. He needs to get the hell out of her. Without much of a sense of direction, he starts walking. While he isn't keen on leaving the armour, he doesn't have a choice. With a silent prayer, he promises Jarvis that he will come back for him, that he won't abandon him in the middle of a forest in the middle of the galaxy or at the edge or where ever the hell they are. Picking a direction at random, Tony begins to walk at a brisk, urgent pace. He needs to cover some distance and maybe if he can get out of this forest, he can get his bearings, maybe even wait for the others to return. He walks for what doesn't exactly _feel_ like hours, but the light begins to dim and change colour. The suns are setting. He doesn't need to use his genius- or any sort of common knowledge about the basic workings of diurnal patterns of celestial bodies- to know that, because as the suns in the sky race toward the horizon, the forest begins to stir.

 

Where it had been beautiful and lush, it began to turn a darker, less vibrant green. The air grows thicker as he walks until it is almost too thick to breathe. The sweet scent has turned into a cloying stench, something old and rotten. The air grows colder as mist begins to rise from the damp forest floor. The trees which had looked so straight and pushing toward the sun begin to turn into themselves, gnarly and small. The canopy feels as though it descends upon Tony at greater speeds than should be possible, crushing him with a claustrophobic cage made of branches and vines and brambles. Panic rises in his chest and he has to take another drink for courage despite the knowledge that he needs to conserve his alcohol until a new steady source can be found. The light fades much faster than he remembers from the previous night. With every blink, his surroundings turn on him. He presses on, but his feet get caught in the vines of brambles, roots which suddenly appear in the ground. He can feel the fabric of his pants tear, the thorny vines taking a toll in blood.

 

There is a moment when Tony believes he can go no further, when his feet begin to sink into wet ground, and mud sucks him down further, makes it nearly impossible to take another step. Then, his eyes fall just beyond a thorny bush, the bunny path. He lets out a relieved cry as he collects his will and forces himself to press on, to pull his foot from the mud with a sickening slurp. He struggles and a few agonizing moments later, he has reached the mossy and firm soil of the bunny path. The deer tracks, heck he doesn't care what made the damn thing, all he cares about is the fact that he can walk on it without being ripped to shreds or sucking into the ground.

 

Maybe this is the way out. Maybe this is the same path they had taken. He guesses the direction of the path which would lead him back to where he had come from when they'd entered earlier based on sun position- really fucking low- and begins to run. He runs fast and hard and all the way until his lungs begin to burn. He runs further, harder and faster, until the burning of his lungs spreads to his ribcage, until his legs begin to form a burn of their own, until he absolutely can run no further lest his lungs collapse on him. He doubles over when the pain in his diaphragm hits him without warning. Taking breaths hurts more than he thinks should be possible. Tears prick at the corners of his eyes as he tries to catch his breath. He nearly throws up from the pain and the convulsions in his abdomen and chest and then finally, his lung begin to settle, his breath begins to calm and when he no longer hurts all over, he dares to get up.

 

Surprised, he jumps slightly when he sees what lies ahead of him: a clearing, small but well-groomed with what could be a meadow in daylight. Just a few yards ahead, the bunny path turns into a rock-paved walkway which leads to a small cottage which lies unassuming with a thatched roof and small flower beds beside the entrance door. Light flickers in the windows and white smoke rises from the chimney. Tony can hear laughter from the inside and he exhales with relief.

 

Refuge.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far so good. I've been having some health problems, but I should be able to keep the weekly schedule (I may skip the 24th because I am going to a convention, but I'll let you all know next week)


	3. Born a Gambling Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony makes reckless choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warnings: Tony makes terrible, terrible choices that I would never condone

 

The cottage is beautiful on the outside and the inside. It's what some would call rustic chic, but really, to Tony it looks like a tavern straight out of World of Warcraft or any sort of quasi-historical fantasy video game. The roof is thatched and black and the outside covered in lime. Inside, the walls are exposed wood and brick and plaster. The floors are wooden boards in the hallway and on the stairs he can see, but in the main room, the floor is dirt and straw. The furniture is wooden, rudimentary and simple chairs and benches carved from trees not press-wood. Everything about this feels familiar, even the large fireplace against one wall and the wooden bar against another. There are maybe a half dozen round tables with chairs, and several long rectangular ones with wooden benches. The room is massive considering the innocent and small outside of the building.

 

A woman behind the bar catches his eyes. She's voluptuous, her skin bronze, eyes an eerie grey. Her long hair falls in loose curls from a simple cloth tie that holds her hair from her face. The clothes she wears could have been taken from one of the renaissance fairs Tony had been dragged to during his years at MIT. That corset is doing nothing but great things for her frame. Everything about her is also familiar and yet otherworldly. She smiles at him and pours a stein of what foams like ale.

 

"You're going to stand there and stare or come in for a drink?" She smiles. "It's nightfall, you are lucky to have found us."

 

"So," Tony walks past the tables, there maybe are a dozen others in the room, eating and drinking and talking amongst themselves, and no one appears to be openly phased by Tony's appearance. He sits on a bar stool and eyes his drink. He's never been one to ponder crazy happenstance too much. Really, his whole life has been a culmination of insanity these days. A tavern in the middle of an evil forest? Probably not ranking the number one bizarre thing he's ever encountered right now. "What is this place?"

 

"Oh, it's a sanctuary, Sir..."

 

"Tony, call me Tony."

 

"All right Sir Tony," she smiles and gives him a wink, "it's a sanctuary in the forest for travellers who find themselves lost from their path. The forest is old and evil even during the day. Once night comes and you find yourself outside these walls, the fate you will have surrendered yourself to is too gruesome to ponder. You are lucky, most who come to us at this time of night are nearly dead. Even if they make it in the door alive, they usually succumb to their injuries within the hour. You, however, Sir Tony, do not look injured or ill or mentally broken. That is good indeed. Drink! Celebrate your survival!"

 

Celebrate, he can't actually celebrate when he's lost Loki and Natasha and Clint and his suit inside the forest. Fuck, what is he going to do? And thinking of it, how much can he trust a complete stranger? Then again, his other option is to find out just what exactly waited out there for him in the darkness.

 

"I was travelling with friends." He says because she doesn't need to know more than that. "Do you think anyone would have seen them?"

 

The woman looks at him for a while before shaking her head. "We haven't seen anyone new before you in over a fortnight. If anyone had encountered them- or you for that matter- the place would be abuzz with rumours. We don't get many off-worlders here."

 

"How did you-"

 

"I always know." She smiles and nudges the cup closer to him. "Are you hungry?"

 

Tony is utterly famished and he's surprised his stomach doesn't begin to growl angrily at her words. Politely, he shakes his head. It's not like he has alien currency on him anyhow. If that's the sort of thing they did here. He has no idea. He's never before been quite so out of his depth. It worries him, but at the same time...

 

"Don't worry," the woman still smiles, the skin around her grey eyes crinkles. Tony couldn't possibly place her age into human years. "The concept of money helps no one here. Just help out where you can while you stay and we are even." Something in her voice changes and Tony Stark would be an idiot if he didn't notice a woman flirting with him. Maybe being an off-worlder would work to his advantage after all. Without another word, she walks away, doesn't even wait for him to reply and returns with a wooden plate of cheese and warm bread and a bowl. "Stew is on the fire. Help yourself, don't make a mess."

 

It's feels surreal to walk along the tables. The other patrons look at him with semi-interest. And now that he is looking at them, yeah, they look a little different. There's a young woman without hair on her head under her cloak, skin purple and blue, eyes and iridescent black, no pupils or irises Tony can discern from a glance at her. There's a man, long black hair and for a moment, Tony thinks Loki, but when he turns to face his conversation partner- another man, skin and eyes like the woman by the bar- his eyes are green and from his forehead sprout two small horns. Yep, definitely not Kansas any more.

 

The stew looks like regular stew, which makes Tony happy, at least a bit. He isn't sure if after strange tubers and alien rat, he can handle anything crazy. He helps himself to a scoop of the stew and returns to his spot at the bar. There's now a wooden spoon beside his plate. Hey, not usually his style but he thinks he can handle a Lord of the Rings meets ren faire kind of experience tonight. It's better than evil forest of death at any rate.

 

"Tell me...," oh yeah no name yet.

 

"Call me Kate." She says. She does not look like a Kate but Tony isn't going to mention that.

 

"Very well, tell me Kate, what's actually out there?" He has a spoonful of stew and fuck, it is the best thing he has eaten in a long time. In fact, his stomach overrides most of the conversation and unlike most of the time, Tony sits and listens while he eats. At first, it's mostly about the old days and how there had been a curse- of course- that had turned a beautiful forest into a demented, evil creature. He'd gotten that much out of Loki as well.

 

"Myself, when I was a young and stupid thing, my brothers dared me to go into the forest near the suns set. Of course I was lost in minutes and would have perished if it had not been for this sanctuary."

 

"You don't know who built it?"

 

Kate shakes her head. "There are rumours of a powerful sorcerer but these are just myths passed along by those who know as little as I do. All we truly need to know is that we are safe here until the sun rises. And then, we will see what we can do to send you on your way home."

 

Home, that is a tricky situation Tony isn't keen pondering at this particular point. So, he takes a gulp of his drink, yep, definitely some kind of beer, though sweeter, less hoppy than he's used to. Point is, it goes down a lot better than the beers on Earth and a ton better than the Asgardian ale Thor had brought once. Tony shakes his head. That had never happened, had it? He takes another drink until his insides warm from the stew and alcohol and if he's honest, it may not be the wisest move to eat and drink alien food in the middle of a crisis like this, but what else is he going to do? Oh yeah, eat and drink more.

 

"My friends," he starts after he is finished with his stew and begins to eat the bread and cheese, "do you know if there's another place like this? Somewhere else they could have found refuge?"

 

"I am sorry, my friend," Kate gently places her hand on his forearm, "if they found themselves inside the boundaries of the forest, they will not have lived. However you say you lost them early in the day. It is quite possible they have returned to your camp and are waiting for you there."

 

"Yeah," he agrees. It is the most plausible explanation. They wouldn't have continued without him. Natasha wouldn't have let Loki. She would have went back and waited. It sounds reasonable that that is where they are right now, waiting for him to turn up against all hope. Maybe a bit too reasonable, but he pushes those thoughts aside. He just hopes they won't leave him behind. "I think you're right." He smiles at her. "Thank you. You've been really awesome and welcoming. And I really don't- it's been a rough day... days? Time." He takes another deep drink from his ale-beer-thing because fuck it, when in Rome.

 

"Worry not, my friend," Kate smiles at him and tops off his drink before putting it back on the counter. "All are wary who arrive here for the first time. Once you finish, I will show you the room you may sleep in. You will be no good washing dishes exhausted and confused."

 

"I feel I should be more suspicious of you," he gestures around himself, "and this, because let me tell you in the grand scheme of things, it's pretty messed up." He takes another drink. "But for the life of me I can't bring myself to worry, so just don't kill me in my sleep, okay?" He is right, he thinks, he should be more worried about this whole situation but he is not. And he cannot bring himself to be, because he does believe Loki when the guy says that he will die all kinds of horrible ways if he is caught in the forest at night and he isn't keen on finding out what those will be.

 

Besides, he has alcohol which means the flask in his pocket can be saved for another rainy day. Three steins of ale later, Tony is content and buzzing pretty hard. Nice. He hasn't felt this calm since... well.... since before the gap in his memories. When he realizes where his mind is taking him, he pushes those thoughts away and slid off the bar stool. He's ready for bed, or maybe not. That would depend entirely on his host.

 

"I'm finished," his smile is quite lop-sided, he can feel it. That's okay though. He isn't trashed by any means. His wits are still his own, and it has been a long, long time since he's drank alcohol for the sheer pleasure of it. It's... nice.

 

"Follow me then," there's a twinkle in her eyes. He will have to find out her real name before he leaves because he knows it is not Kate.

 

Quietly, she takes a lamp, lights it, and leads Tony upstairs where except for the light of the lamp, it is dark and quiet. The stairs end in a narrow corridor with creaky wooden boards. At least he'll hear anyone who approaches him at night. There are more wooden doors than he believes should be possible in a cottage of this size but who is he to argue. Most of the doors are closed. Many had arrived early and sought solitude, Kate explains to him. Near the end of the corridor, she leads him into a small room with a sizeable four-post bed, a small table and chair, fresh linens, a towel, everything someone who had found themselves lost without belongs would appreciate: including a toothbrush and a box of powder, thank heavens he wouldn't have beer breath in the morning. There even is a pair of boots on the floor and from the looks of them, they will fit him quite well.

 

"There is a robe behind the door should you require to wash your clothes." Kate explains and looks at him, still that twinkle in her eyes. "If you require anything else, do let me know, Tony."

 

"Anything else?" Tony raises and eyebrow and she raises both and cants her hip to the side. Definitely an invitation then. He's glad alien cultures are apparently not all that different. "It has been a very long day, but I would appreciate a night cap very much."

 

"I finish downstairs in half an hour, my friend," she looks him up and down with a satisfied half-smile. "Wash yourself and when I am finished, I will bring you tea."

 

"I would ever be so grateful." Almost automatically, his tongue briefly darts to lick the corner of his lips. It's like he's born for hooking up casual encounters.

 

Once she leaves, he sniffs the armpits of his shirt. Not horrible but yeah, not going to happen. He pulls it over his head and hangs it by the window. Kicking off his shoes and socks, he realizes that the floorboards are warm to the touch. Floor heating, quite the luxurious touch for a small tavern in the middle of nowhere. He washes quickly in a bowl with water that came from an old-fashioned jug, still warm. The small sliver of soap smells like musk and a bit like the sea and so does most of Tony when he's done. He's also mastered the art of sink showers in the prospect of sexual encounters. Brushing his teeth, he notes that definitely not mint but what is it? Cloves? It isn't terrible but it isn't good either. However, it's better than drunken beer breath.

 

He doesn't manage to wash his hair when he lays down on top of the covers on the bed without a shirt. It's fine. Anticipation has made him half hard and he squeezes himself through his pants and slightly adjusts. Mhm, it feels so good, feels like he hasn't enjoyed his own touch- and really it has been somewhat of a dry spell over the past few weeks- in far too long. And it would be terrible form to greet a woman so generous and beautiful with anything less than a raging hard on. So, he slides his hand into his pants and underwear and squeezes again. A gasp escapes his lips. He'll have to go slow or else he'll come before she even opens the door and that would be no good.

 

Impatiently, he slides the zipper down and takes himself in hand, stroking slow and deliberate. He hears the stairs creak and smiles. His thumb catches a bead that had collected at his tip as the steps came closer. Yeah, he hasn't been this excited about sex in a very long time. Maybe he would be able to coax Kate's real name from her with his tongue. He imagined her taste and moaned softly as the steps came closer and closer and stopped in front of his door. The knock that follows is soft and tentative. He smiles and puts himself back in his pants, which don't quite conceal his hard-on but he feels this is more appropriate considering they hadn't verbally agreed to sex.

 

"Come in," his voice is raw and full of arousal, "it's open." Not that there are any locks that he could discern.

 

The door opens, slow and steady, and Tony's breath catches with surprise when he stares into bright green eyes and a gentle smile.The guy from downstairs earlier, with the horns and the very long silky hair. Tony shoots upright but doesn't really cover himself because there's no reason to. They're all adults here.

 

"I have brought your tea," he holds a steaming cup in his hand. How is he not burning himself? "Kate apologizes but there has been... an emergency. She sends me in her stead with the tea." He says nothing more but stands, looking at Tony with the tea still in hand. Tony should probably tell him to leave the tea, finish himself off, and get some sleep. Of course that is what he should do. Instead he smiles at the guy and extends his hand.

 

"Thank you...."

 

"Varg."

 

"Varg," he nods, "I'll take that off your hands."

 

With a nod, Varg steps toward the bed and places the cup gently in Tony's hands. And if Tony hadn't suspected that the guy was up for it, the fingers tracing along his, as he pulls his hands away, that sold the deal. Fuck it, Tony's mind turns off and he leans forward and capture's Varg's lips with a kiss. It is all the invitation the guy had needed because before Tony can say or do or even pull away, he's straddled on the bed, the cup now back in Varg's hands.

 

"I saw you when you ate, off-worlder." He licks his lips and maybe Tony should be worried about being devoured in the literal sense. "You did not see me, but I watched you. So lithe, so frail, so small, so handsome."

 

"Hey I am not that- oh god!" He moans when Varg ducks to suck his pulse, his free hand already inside Tony's pants. Okay, maybe the devouring will be metaphoric. He makes quick work to pull down Tony's zipper and wrap his rather large hands around him. "Oh fuck." Tony can't help but buck his hips and Varg smiles at him with bright green eyes.

 

"Patience," Varg holds the cup in front of Tony. "You have not yet enjoyed your, how did you call it? Night cap?"

 

Okay so maybe that phrase with that particular look and that particular grin set off some warning bells in Tony. Sure he had asked for the night cap, but something about Varg's face is unsettling. However, he takes the cup and sniffs the drink and almost immediately coughs when the acrid scent of alcohol- Acid? Some really obvious poison?- rises and catches in his lung. He is not drinking that.

 

"What," he chokes out, "the hell is that?"

 

"That, my dear friend, is birch bark tea with essence of a fungus that grows in this forest," Varg takes a sip from the cup, "it is not poison if that is what you fear." The guy's pupils blow moments after he swallows. "It has, as they say, enjoyable properties quite unlike the ale you drank."

 

"What sort of enjoyable properties?" He's a little skeptic. Did the guy just offer him 'shroom tea? Is this where things are going? Tony raises an eyebrow.

 

"You will taste sound and see scent," Varg's hand closes tighter around Tony, "and this will feel a thousand times more intense." So, 'shroom aphrodisiac tea. This is when Tony should politely decline instead of inhaling sharply before tipping the cup against his mouth and taking a gulp of the liqui- whoa fuck, he barely swallows when the world begins to explode in vivid colour, sound, scent, and something he can't even begin to describe. "There you are," Varg takes another drink as well before kissing Tony hard and thorough and in all the ways Tony's imagined wanting to be kissed.

 

The cup is forgotten on the bedside table when Tony feels Varg's hands all over him. He pulls at the strings of the tunic Varg wears and pulls it over his head. Burning, Varg feels like burning, fire, a warmth Tony doesn't know if he can ever get enough of. His vision tips warm and he can see Varg's exhales like musical notes dancing through the air. Tony sees his own moans dance in red hot swirls through the air when he feels Varg's impossibly hot mouth engulf him whole. The world cants with Tony's hips and tilts to the side, but he feels anchored by the other's presence. Normally, his mind would try to shut down a high that intense, but not here, not now, not when Tony feels the flames race along his nerves and pool at the base of his spine.

 

Varg is fire, hot and red and all that remains the same are the bright green eyes which stare up at Tony as he sucks hard and deep and Tony almost comes right there.

 

"Not yet," Varg whispers pink and purple swirls against Tony's skin. "I will have you if you'll let me."

 

It is not a terrible idea to nod, because when he nods, stars spark in front of his eyes. Yeah, yeah he wants that, he wants to feel like this for a lifetime. Forever. He moans red and magenta when Varg pulls him upon his lap. And for a moment, he can taste the man's arousal without even touching him. He does not ask if Varg always carries a vial of oil with him or if he'd just planned ahead for the night. He doesn't care because this, this is everything he could have ever imagined feeling. Everything at once and he can barely breathe every part of him is on fire, every part of him sings his arousal, every sinew, every tendon, tight, every part of him alight with everything he could ever sense.

 

There is no doubt, no question in Tony's mind and when he cries out it is with pleasure when Varg sheaths himself, so hot, so incredibly searing. Tony can barely move for all the pleasure, for how tight every part of him is coiled. He can feel Varg wrap his arm around Tony's hips to support him, to hold him, safe and close and kisses Tony deep and slow. The world has long drifted out of focus but Varg's kisses centre Tony, keep him grounded. The man whispers something in his ear that Tony cannot understand. He's never understood blue and green, but he nods and catches his breath for a moment until he screams himself hoarse from pleasure when Varg drives into him, hits him right there, hard and fast and perfect.

 

It feels like an eternity or maybe it is merely seconds when Tony's orgasm is torn from him. Red and red and fire, his every cell feels on fire as he comes hoarse from his cries, fingers clawing at Varg's arms who continues to drive into him until Tony's world shrinks to a point, a tiny point that only exists of their pants and groans and bursts out blue and pink and green as he comes again with a strangled plea. He loses count- or consciousness- when he comes for the third time as Varg whispers softly in his ear.

 

The world comes together slowly, puzzle pieces slotting into place as Tony opens his eyes again. He can hear Varg's breaths, feels them against his skin, slow and calm. He blinks slowly and manages to turn, realizing he is laying on his side. Varg smiles, his pupils no longer blown.

 

"Fucking crazy," Tony somehow manages with a laugh. He's never been this exhausted, this drained, and yet felt this energized. Varg chuckles with him and runs his thumb over Tony's cheek.

 

"You were a pleasure," he says, sincere and kind, "I am glad I volunteered to bring you tea. Kathryn does not deserve a beautiful creature like you."

 

"Yeah well," Tony grinned, "flattery will get you in my pants any time."

 

"Perhaps before you leave us in the morning, but now you must rest." Varg's smile is amused. "You are still feeling the effects of the tea. So rest now, sleep, for me."

 

His alert mind, the energy he had felt, both disappear as Varg speaks until the words barely register with Tony when his limbs feel as though they must obey his gentle suggestions. His mind drifts as Varg whispers him to sleep and somewhere deep down inside he knows there is nothing he can do to stop him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the fabulous hrd for being my second pair of eyes


	4. Happiness Like a Hole in Your Chest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which the forest wakes up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter warnings for graphic violence, and some gore

"How the hell did we lose the guy in the god damn red and gold suit in the middle of a green forest when he was here not two minutes ago?" Clint frowns as he crouches to look at the path they had come from and just seen Tony walk behind them.

 

Natasha looks in the same direction with a frown that matches Clint's. She doesn't know. It had been two minutes at most that they walked in silence until Tony's lack of complaints compelled her to turn around and he was gone. A glance at Loki tells her he's less than thrilled, potentially close to throwing up if that's something Asgardians- or whatever he is- can do. She gets it. There's bile rising in her throat as well and she isn't the one with feelings for Tony Stark, at least not feelings like that. It takes a long time for Loki to even move from his spot.

 

"Hey you okay?" She finally asks when Loki takes a step that is too close to a stumble and apparently that's what it takes because Loki straightens out, his step becomes firm, and his face falls back to completely neutral.

 

"Fine," he looks around the forest for a few seconds before looking at her straight in the eyes, "but A- Stark won't be unless we find him soon." He glances at the sky and yeah, that's not a colour they want it to be, slowly turning from blue to pink. She is not a fan of how day time works here, especially not in a forest that worries even Loki half to death.

 

"Okay," Clint stands, "so we back track, retrace our steps. Maybe he got tired? Wandered off? Drank himself half to death because he's really not fucking good at this coping thing."

 

"The forest took him," Loki's voice is calm, and maybe a little too calm for Natasha's liking. The guy had just been close to throwing up with worry and now he was poker faced and stoic. Neither he nor Tony coped with anything like fucking sane people did. She almost regrets coming along but then again without her and Clint? There would have been two corpses at the beach rotting away with no one to find them. Charming. Next time, she's going to volunteer Bruce.

 

"The forest." She looks at Loki. "You're going to have to elaborate."

 

"It sensed his weakness and separated him from us. He is more than likely miles from here now."

 

"How- it's been two minutes!" Clint protests.

 

"Time does not work here as it does on your precious Earth or even as it does outside of the forest boundaries."

 

"Yo, and you couldn't have mentioned that maybe _before_ we entered Fangorn fucking Forest? By the way guys, it'll probably feel like no time has passed but haha it's been four hours." He glowers and Natasha almost smiles. Almost. Tony is still missing and they have no idea where he could possibly be.

 

"You're all juiced up," she says to Loki, "any chance there's a GPS in your abilities? Some way to track the guy with the memory hole in his brain through the forest?"

 

"Ah yes of course, how could I have forgotten." Loki smiles that smug defensive smile of his and folds his arms behind his back and one day Natasha will make the chance to hit him with her Widow's Bite for it. "I am so glad you reminded me of my own abilities. Without you I would never have recalled that it is as easy as weaving a simple spell to find him. Why I will teleport us there now."

 

Clint looks at Natasha with questions in his eyes. She doesn't blame him because reading Loki is like reading a damn bag of cats. She shakes her head and mouths _full of shit_ because yeah, that. With a sigh, she resigns to the fact that she will regret having tagged along at least a dozen more times before this is all over- or die because that appears to be coming up higher on a list of possibilities the longer they are in this forest. No time to fret over that now though.

 

"All right, you made your point. How do we find him?"

 

"Retrace our steps and see if he has wandered off the path." Loki says and Clint gives him the middle finger. Natasha makes it two dozen times in her head because she's already on number two.

 

However, they do back track or that is what it feels like at least. Now that Natasha knows the forest can play with people's minds even during the day- which Loki conveniently neglected to mention of course- she doesn't trust her own senses. The forest looks quiet enough, maybe even too quiet now. There had been birds singing and critters rushing along the forest floor and all the kind of regular forest noises one could imagine, but now they completely vanished but for an occasional rustle. Even the air has stopped moving and stands thick and warm and stifling. Loki must have noticed as well, his eyes are narrowed as he stares along the bunny tracks. Clint is the only one who looks like he hasn't noticed a thing. To anyone who doesn't know Clint at least, Natasha knows better. His shoulders are tense, the targeting mechanism on his bow is active, and despite his nonchalant talk, his eyes are vigilant. Though on the ground, he is not working at his full potential.

 

"Loki," Natasha says, "how safe is it to climb the trees right now?"

 

"I don't know," and that stops Clint right in his tracks with shock., but before he can say something, Natasha waves him off. Not right now, she will not deal with a pissing contest right now.

 

"Your call, Hawkeye." She doesn't call him Clint when it's a mission. In return, he refrains from calling her Tasha in front of people. Fair enough of an arrangement, she finds.

 

"What's the worst that could happen?" Clint shrugs and somehow it feels like he's trying to tempt fate. However, before either her or Loki can call it off, he's already halfway up the tree. He disappears from view faster than she would like, but moments later he shouts down from quite some height. "There's smoke coming from a clearing maybe three miles from here."

 

"Can you tell what's causing it?"

 

"No, but I figure it looks like a chimney." He calls down and she can hear him lean to get a better look. "Or a small fire, but I want to say chimney."

 

"All right, now get your ass down here!" She orders because hell, she outranks him and the forest's constant churning doesn't help.

 

He listens to her fortunately and comes sliding down like he's having a parkour field day rather than a scouting mission in an evil forest. Sometimes Natasha envies the man's ability to compartmentalize like that. She manages to smile and congratulate him for not dying because sometimes that's the highest praise you can give someone.

 

"Yeah," he looks... off, "about that- no I'm not mortally wounded what the hell don't look at me like that! No, I mean," he points at the sky, "that sky is a lie. The sky I saw isn't more than half an hour from complete darke-"

 

There is a hissing noise and a sudden disturbance of all the leaves and branches that ripples through the forest and in moments, the sky is almost completely dark. Okay, Natasha is feeling a little panicked now. Not as panicked as she knows she can feel, that doesn't set in until the moment Loki looks at Clint, face pallid, terrified.

 

"Do you remember the direction of the smoke?"

 

"Yea wh-"

 

"Run."

 

Clint doesn't say anything. He runs. It's the first time Natasha has seen him not question anything Loki has said since that time he had been mind controlled but hey not the time. She runs after him. Loki surely is somewhere behind or to the side, but she doesn't look back when she hears a hissing build behind her. She doesn't need to know. She needs to keep running. Clint is well ahead of her but that's a good thing, it means she can see where he runs and cover him if she needs to.

 

Something changes again, this time the air turns cold and fast, much colder than it had been even at night outside of the forest. Natasha can see her breath and feels the burning in her lungs. Her legs are feeling stiff and sore and angry for running over such uneven terrain with as little care as she is. But when the forest roars behind her, it is fear that intensifies inside her and takes over. The good kind of fear, the kind that allows her to ignore the pain in her chest and legs and keep going fast after Clint.

 

"Tasha! Left!" She trips and nearly falls from the surprise of Clint's voice coming from her left and not from her front where Clint... is no longer running. She turns and jogs towards him when the forest around them begins to shake. "No time, let's go! Over there!" He grabs her and drags her after him on a small path leading to a clearing and in the haze, she can make out a small building from which smoke rises. Together they run, hard and fast for the past few hundred metres and she's convinced her legs will give out before they reach the clearing. They don't, but once they're free of the trees and their feet touch grass, she remembers they're not alone.

 

"Loki?" She looks around.

 

"He was right behind you when I grabbed you." Clint frowns.

 

"We have to find him." The building looks like some kind of inn or pub of sorts. Natasha isn't sure but it looks cozy and something inside her guts tells her that yes, it is safe to enter. Which is what they should be doing if-

 

“Loki?” Natasha and Clint turn around at the same time. Neither of them can see Loki anywhere. She jogs back toward the trail leading away from the building and back into the forest. "Loki!" She calls but there is no answer.

 

"If he's powerful, can't he just zap himself to safety?" Clint frowns and scans along the trees.

 

"I feel if he could, we wouldn't be in this dilemma."

 

"Fair enough," he tenses and narrows his eyes, "over there!"

 

The way he runs back into the forest brings stone cold fear back into Natasha's guts. He runs like someone's life depends on it. She follows because she has to, because they can't lose Tony and Loki in the same day. Then, she sees what Clint had seen: glowing green energy behind what looks like a wall of brambles. Only, instead of shooting from a specific direction, it is seeping, crawling in tendrils over the forest floor. And then she realizes, the brambles were moving.

 

"Stop!" She shouts but Clint continues to run. "Clint, stop!" She screams and whether he hears her or not, he sees the bramble that moves toward him fast. Somehow, he dodges it and slides to shoot it with an arrow, electric and for a moment, the bramble lights and flashes and then lies dead and black as though nothing had ever happened.

 

"Tasha!" Clint waves at her. "I found him!" His face isn't a good one. She runs for it and nearly gets lifted off the ground by two shoots that seem to appear out of nowhere. She can feel the thorns cut into her skin when she flips on her hands but when she lands on her feet, she is free to jab the Widow's Bite into the vines and electrocutes them just like Clint had done.

 

"Where is h-" she stops mid sentence when her eyes fall on Loki's form and she feels sick. Maybe ten feet off the ground, the brambles converge to hold Loki in place. They can't stay in one place for too long before they begin to attack them, but Loki, Loki is always held in the same place, the same position, thorny vines wrapped around his neck and arms and legs and- "Cut him down!" She screams at Clint, irrational rage and despair overcomes her. "Cut him down, now!" And then she doesn't wait for Clint to say anything else, but charges at the brambles with nothing but the braces on her arms. The hook propels her up to Loki's height and when she lands, the thorns pierce through the skin of her arms and legs but there's no time. It's Loki's magic, his power, whatever it is and somehow the forest had turned it against him in ways she didn't want to imagine. His clothes are mostly torn off and she's reminded of the first time he'd been brought to Stark Tower.

 

"Tasha, duck!" Clint shouts behind her. She drops down and his arrow hits the bramble vine that had been flying towards her. Up here those things are nearly as thick as her forearms. She pulls a tiny blade from her bracer and slices into the vines as fast as she can, always moving, always trying to stay on top of the vines shooting for her, trying to get, to tie her to the same fate that had awaited Loki. She can hear _incendiary_ from below and shields her eyes when the arrow hits it's target s few feet from Loki's head and lights bright and hot and suddenly she's falling free. The landing hurts. She can feel the bed of thorns pierce all the parts of her skin that hasn't been cut up yet. If only she'd had enough time to put on her suit she wouldn't look like a human pin cushion right now.

 

"Is he okay, is he breathing?" She scrambles up as the vines burn behind her, the green glow vanishes and leaves nothing but dead plant to burn as they try and untangle Loki from his confines. Her and Clint's eyes meet with relief when they can hear his breath, shallow, but he's breathing nonetheless. And when Natasha calls his name again, he slowly opens his eyes.

 

"Hey, hey you," Natasha runs her hands over Loki's facing searching for further injuries, "talk to me. Come on, stay with me, keep those baby blues open for me." He finally manages to focus on her looking still kind of out of it but he's there, mostly alert. "Anything broken? Otherwise hurt? Any internal injuries we should know about before we drag you up?"

 

For a moment, Loki looks confused, then his eyes widen for a brief moment when he realizes what exactly Natasha is asking him. His face softens as he slowly sits up with a chuckle that isn't as carefree as he wants her to believe it is.

 

"I assure you, Miss Romanoff," he cringes as he manages to get himself standing and pulls a few thorns from his forearm, "I am fine."

 

Clint opens his mouth but before he can say anything, Loki's legs decide that that was enough and give out under him. Barely, Clint manages to get his shoulder under Loki's armpit before the guy crumples completely to the floor. Natasha quickly moves to help from the other side, but Loki isn't exactly light and the forest around them is still not a happy place. It is pitch black by the time they make it even to the tree beside the bramble wall. Loki is still pale but manages to stand on his own.

 

"So, explain to me, what the hell happened?" She keeps her eyes on Loki as he catches his breath while Clint keeps his eyes on the forest, the incendiary rounds are all cued up in his quiver. "I swear, we let you- or Tony for that matter- out of our sight for more than a minute and you both cause trouble." Her voice is softer than she wants it to be.

 

"The brambles were coming for you and Barton," Loki gingerly walks a few steps before hitting his stride and they walk fast while they talk, "you couldn't hear me yell, so I did the only thing I could."

 

"You used your powers which then turned on you." Loki nods to affirm Natasha's educated guess. "You could have told us that, you know, that your powers turn on you? We would have tried to be more careful." Loki raises an eyebrow at her and she has to smile. "I did say _tried_."

 

Their walk turns into a light jog when they all see the opening to the path into the clearing at the same time. Natasha feels relieved and runs faster, Clint and Loki both in her field of vision. Clint crosses into the clearing first with a big smile on his face.

 

"Forest Zero, Barton O-" he stops mid-sentence and for a moment Natasha doesn't understand as to why he stares at her looking utterly confused. Then she sees the sharp branch sticking out from his chest, covered in blood. She hadn't seen it coming. How could she not have seen it coming? Where had it come from? What the hell shoots a branch bigger than the circumference of her wrist through a man?

 

"Tasha?" Blood bubbles from Clint's mouth as she hears herself scream his name and run towards him. She isn't sure what she is saying, trying to tell him as she clutches his shirt to keep him from falling over. Detached, she can hear her voice cut shrill across the clearing, words blurring into nothing as she tries to stop the bleeding with her bare hands while trying to keep him standing so he doesn't hurt himself further. Her vision is hazy and she doesn't realize it's tears until they stream hot down her cold cheeks.

 

When Loki joins her side and grabs Clint off the floor she screams at him, irrational thought taking over her mind. "Don't touch him!" She hears herself scream. "You're gonna hurt him!" But Loki doesn't stop. Instead, he picks Clint up like he's a ragdoll, like he weighs nothing and grabs Natasha's wrist and pulls her after him. She doesn't register when they cross through the door. Her mind settles as suddenly as it had stirred up. She feels detached when Loki calls for an empty table inside the building. It feels like her body is following orders which her mind hasn't processed yet. She uses her arm to clear off a long table near the fire place, the liquid that spills over her arms stings in every cut and puncture wound she has but there is no time.

 

She watches Loki touch the branch and instead of pulling it out, he holds it, fingers wrapped tight around it. Instead of turning on him, whatever powers he has begin to glow around the branch which begins to deteriorate and when it is completely gone, Loki presses his hand hard on the hole in Clint's chest. Natasha doesn't contemplate that she can see the table through Clint. The woman behind the bar rushes to join them, hot water and clean cloth in her hands. She doesn't ask what happened. By her face, Natasha realizes she already knows. The moments pass agonizingly slow as Loki pours whatever energy he has into Clint. And when he removes his had, he is pale, and Clint's chest is no longer a hole, but looks like Natasha knows it, slowly rising and sinking as he breathes.

 

There is nothing she can do to keep herself from taking Loki by the wrist and pulling him close. She wraps her arms around him in a silent embrace and when he reciprocates, when he wraps his arms around her, she almost loses what little composure she had regained.

 

"Thank you," she whispers as she squeezes him closer.

 

"He's safe," Loki replies gently in her ear, "he is safe."

 


	5. Faults Lie Where Ambition Thrives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which our heroes find themselves... on edge

Natasha wakes draped over the bench, head resting against the table on which Clint still sleeps. Someone has cleaned the blood that has been dripping on the floor, she can smell vinegar in the air, and coffee? Yes, definitely coffee because moments later, Loki places a mug on the table beside her head and sits down on a chair beside her. He still looks tired but his wounds are completely healed. She notices new clothes, soft green cloth, asymmetrical sleeves, very ornate and she wonders if he found the clothes here or if he conjured them together with the soft leather boots and pants he's wearing.

 

"Hey," she says quietly and cradles the mug in her hands. It's too pre-coffee to discuss anything. She sips the liquid. It isn't quite coffee, the taste isn't quite right but it's close enough and she nods her thanks.

 

"Lady Kathryn assures us we are welcome to stay as long as we would like and that there will be food as soon as we are ready."

 

"Lady Kathryn?" Natasha raises her eyebrows. What is this place?

 

"A very long story but believe me, we are safe and incredibly fortunate." He says and sips from a mug of his own. Water, Natasha concludes. "I have heard whispers of a sanctuary in the forest but in all my years I have never known anyone to have come across it."

 

"Someone get me back to earth," Clint coughs on the table, "I gotta play the lottery."

 

"You!" Natasha slaps Clint's arm but says nothing else.

 

"He is alive and that is all that matters now," a tall, voluptuous woman comes with a tray of food and placed it on the round table closest where they were sitting. Lady Kathryn, Natasha presumes. "Now eat, all three of you need to regain your strength." She smiles at each of them and takes her leave while they assemble around the table and begin to eat in silence. And continue to eat in silence. They're sore, well maybe Loki not so much, Natasha thinks but they're definitely worse for wear. She can feel every muscle in her legs and every single wound the thorns had inflicted, though, it feels like there are less of them.

 

"I will tend to your wounds when you are finished eating." Loki says and touches her shoulder. Clint has something like a smile on his face, definitely appreciation that Loki saved his life. There's something calm about the moment, a quiet peace, finally they have bonded to become a team.

 

"Hey Kate," Tony's voice shatters the calm as the man walks down the stairs, "you called me down? What's up?"

 

Loki's face falls so fast Natasha doesn't have time to react to her own shock of Tony Stark sauntering down the stairs, shirtless in some crazy leather pants thing that is way too tight. She can't react with shock or relief or anger or anything for that matter because Loki practically leaps across the two tables between them and Tony and grabs him by the throat. She manages "Loki, don't!" before the guy slams Tony hard against the wall. She looks at Clint for support but he just shrugs.

 

"Tell me when to shoot the flash arrow," he says but doesn't even look up at what's happening. "Just let them get it out of their system."

 

"Yeah not if they're going to kill each other," she jumps over the tables and manages to squeeze herself in the space between Loki and Tony's bodies. Which still doesn't stop Loki because Natasha has barely enough time to duck before he lands a punch. The moment in which she anticipates Loki's fist to crush Tony's skull, to be splattered with Tony's blood and brains and it is almost as terrifying as seeing Clint skewered by that branch. Her relief comes out as a gasp when she hears Loki's fist connect with the wall instead of Tony, when plaster dusts her hair and not Tony's insides.

 

"What the hell, man?!" Tony's protests won't help and she isn't quite sure when and why she's decided to put herself _between_ two guys obviously at the verge of a nasty physical altercation.

 

"Stop it!" She shouts and zaps them both in the guts. Tony groans and even if Loki doesn't react to the jolt of electricity, he removes his hand from Tony's throat and takes a step back. "Good, can we talk like civilized people now? This is no way to act in public place. This is no way to act period. Sit the fuck down and eat breakfast while we talk!" It doesn't escape her glance that Lady Kathryn has drawn a staff from under the bar and several others have their hands on their weapons.

 

"See, I knew you could handle it," Clint smiles at her and chows down on the bacon he stole from Loki's plate. "Sorry for our friends,” he says louder, “they're assholes." They sure are assholes, and maybe even children because they settle on glaring at each other from across the table.

 

"Okay, let's talk because it's obvious neither of you are capable of acting like normal people." She growls at them both. "You, Loki, what the fuck? We were looking for Tony. We found Tony. And he isn't dead or injured or about to die of his injuries. He looks fine."

 

"I'm fine." Tony assures and tentatively reaches for food.

 

"See? Fine." She leans back in her chair. "So why the outburst? And no don't look at me like that I _am_ making you talk about this because not talking keeps getting us into shit and half the time _you_ are the reason for it."

 

"If you insist," Loki leans back against the chair, "we almost died looking for him, all of us. And here he his, with his smug face looking like he has not a care in the world."

 

"Looks like he got laid to me," Clint pipes up and Natasha reminds herself to hit him hard later.

 

"Indeed," and before Loki opens up again, he shuts down, Natasha can practically see his thoughts, "you are right Miss Romanoff, we were looking for Stark, we have found him, he is well. Now if you will excuse me." He gets up and disappears into the corridor. Natasha sets her jaw.

 

"Did you really have to?" She hisses at Clint.

 

"Hey," Clint shrugs, "just because a guy saves your life doesn't mean you're square after controlling your mind."

 

"He saved your life."

 

"Yes, and I show my gratitude by treating him like everyone else," he turns to look at Tony, "so banged an alien, did you?"

 

Natasha nearly slaps her face with her hand with frustration.

 

"Yeah, but I don't like to brag, so let's just say it was mind-blowing." Tony grins and takes a drink from Natasha's coffee.

 

She gets up without a word because really. She doesn't need to know. She doesn't want to know. And she knows someone who didn't want to know either. Loki is- as she had suspected- leaning against the wall of the tavern just around the corner from the door, out of sight but close enough to be safe from the forest and to intervene if something happens inside the tavern.

 

"Hey," she says and leans against the wall beside him, "so that was an interesting morning."

 

"You don't need to patronize me with your attempts at humour." Loki pushes himself off the wall and walks in the grass. She notices his feet are now bare.

 

"Well, I happen to think I'm pretty funny," she sighs, "I know this can't be easy for you and don't worry, I am not making any grande accusations, just... it's not easy seeing the ones we- the ones we care about ignore us so completely."

 

"It isn't his fault."

 

"No," she joins him in the grass, "it isn't, but I wasn't planning on playing the blame game."

 

"But it is my fault,” he looks at her and something in his eyes is so sad, she reaches out to take his hand but he pulls away, "I took his memories, all your memories but in his case I took more. I took part of him that cared, the part of him that would hurt because of the loss of Miss Potts, because of what he endured. I made him the way he is now, and that is entirely my fault."

 

That was news she hadn't expected. Of course, Tony had been different but she had not felt compelled to investigate further, Loki had severed those ties they had, twisted them, and turned them into people they were not. Tony just had the unfortunate predisposition to revert to default which in his case is partying alcoholic. So, Loki had taken that part of him, she could be mad, she could shout and scream at him until the proverbial- and possibly in this case real- cows came home. It would not change a thing. Loki already carries every morsel of guilt he can get his hands on.

 

"That part will return with his memories?" When Loki nods, she exhales. "Well, I suggest until then? Maybe lighten up a little. We don't randomly attack each other. We're all friends here, just some of us remember less than they should. Treat him like he's ill. And really, I am not convinced he isn't, because randomly sleeping with someone like tha- okay forget that, you get what I mean."

 

Loki looks at her like he's not sure whether to laugh or to set the entire place on fire. Knowing him, it's probably a toss-up with equal chances. For a few moments, he just stands there and then, much to Natasha's surprise he merely sigh and walks back to the tavern. Trying not to vocalize her frustrations, she follows him inside and-

 

“- if you got, I don't know, space herpes? Clint downs the rest of Natasha's coffee as they are clearly rehashing Tony's 'encounter'. “I take it back, Stark, even lobotomized, you are badass.”

 

“Yeah well,” Tony smirks and Natasha has the sudden urge to wring his neck instead. To her credit, she ignores it, internalizes it instead of trying to slap sense back into the man. Does he even realize how fucking stupid it is to have _any_ kind of relations alien or not? They are here on a mission and it isn't to expand Tony's bed post notches. Once they get his memories back and he wants to sleep with the universe once over, Natasha will be the last person to think about stopping him, just-

 

“You okay there, Tasha?” Clint's question rouses her from her thought.

 

“You drank my coffee, asshole,” she replies with a smile and pulls up a chair.

 

Lady Kathryn talks them into staying another night seeing as the day is drawing to a close. Natasha insists on then all sleeping in the same room. She shrugs at Tony who opens his mouth to protest. No more alien shenanigans until further notice. Though the planned afternoon of team building quickly deteriorates into eating and drinking until they all feel too stuffed to move. Even Loki has calmed down, though Natasha supposes he will never stop looking like he's up to something. She calls bedtime shortly after sunset and shoos the others to the room before thanking Lady Kathryn once more for her hospitality.

 

“Worry not,” the woman smiles. “I shall wake you just before the first light. Passage is safest then.”

 

Natasha heads upstairs. She could use a bath, even if it is just one from a bowl of hot water. She doesn't hear the door to the tavern open and a tall figure with a cloak step into the light.

 

“Don't worry yourself, they are still here,” Kathryn says without looking at him. “Where is your partner?”

 

“She arranged for transport off this backwards little rock.” Varg pulls the hood of his cloak from his horns. “No offense.”

 

“You are too fond of that form.” Kathryn raises an eyebrow at him. “And what kind of name is Varg. It is not as though the mortal knows who you are, Vali.”

 

“He may not,” Vali says, the horns disappearing from his forehead, “but _he_ does remember and that mortal reeked of him. Though,” he smirks and takes a stein of ale from Kathryn, “I have to leave it to father dearest, as far as mortals go, this one is very entertaining. Perhaps after, the Lord will let me keep him... at least until he breaks.”

 

“Let us not plan that far ahead,” Kathryn rolls her eyes, “you do not have the gauntlet in your hands just yet. Your father made the same mistake. He was too eager, too sure of-”

 

“My father left me to die strung up by my brother's insides!” Vali slammed the stein against the bar. “I will not-”

 

“Contain yourself! You do not understand how much energy it takes to keep this place real without them noticing something is not quite right? Do whatever you will but I suggest you rest until the morning and then when you and your little pirate princess have brought the gauntlet to him, then you can make plans for your new plaything.”

 

Vali growls and for a moment looks as though he would leap at hear, but he relaxes and morphs into the shape of a wolf, pats behind the bar and curls up in a corner there, his green eyes glowing in the fire light until he closes them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as promised two chapters because I missed last week due to being at a convention and playing drunken Cards Against Humanity (I won :D ). We are back to our regularly scheduled updates.


	6. Born a Gambling Man, Died Father of Nine?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Loki does what Loki does best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for uh... how do I even warn for this? Mpreg? Ish? Loki's an asshole?

The nausea hits Tony for the third time in as many hours. Natasha feels the rope around her waist tighten as he pulls to the side of the path and throws up... again. She remembers he had not been well for breakfast either. He hadn't protested when Clint suggested they attach a rope around their waists to keep from getting lost. Even Loki had looked impressed by the suggestion.

“Dude are you okay?” Clint stands beside Tony as the man retches what little bile he has left into a pile of dead leaves. There isn't much privacy. The rope that connects them doesn't give more than three metres between them. It's how it needs to be right now. It's how they keep together, from being separated again.

“Maybe you guys should leave me here to die,” Tony collapses onto his knees, “I don't know what the hell is going on but this is the worst hangover I have ever had.” Thing is, Natasha had watered down Tony's ales from the beginning of the evening. He couldn't have been drunk.

“Do you feel ill as though your insides are trying to escape through your mouth?” Loki asks- too nonchalant for Natasha's liking. If he has an idea what's going on, he needs to share with the class.

“Yeah,” Tony heaves again and Clint just shrugs and rubs the man's back.

“What are you playing at?” Natasha hisses at Loki but he dismisses her with the wave of hand. Right. God of Jerks, how could she forget.

“Do your guts feel full and heavy as though you have eaten a great meal?”

“Yes?” Tony's voice is more than miserable by this point and Loki needs to stop playing around and get to it. Natasha frowns and opens her mouth to say something-

“And your lover the other night, did he...”

“Have twirly horns? Yes.” Tony pales, but Natasha wants to go back to the part when Loki hadn't actually suggested that, but still nods as though there had been some kind of revelation. What's his play this time?

“And did he give you anything to consume? Food or drink perhaps?” Loki's face is stoic. Tony nods in reply.

“And was he the one who... bedded you?” How this is relevant, Natasha doesn't kn- oh.

“...why?” Tony barely manages but by Clint's face, she and him had come to the same conclusion at the same time.

“Well,” Loki stretches, “should you survive the gestation period, your offspring no doubt will be quite a specimen. Barton, help him up please. We have to keep moving.”

“What?” Clint is frozen in place. “You can't just spring that kind of thing on a guy and then not do anything about it.”

“As much as I would love to stay here and find out what it will be like to help Stark give birth in the middle of a forest that wants us all dead as soon as nightfall comes, we need to keep moving if we want to survive tonight.”

“Are you fucking serious?” Natasha grabs Loki's arm as Clint focuses on Tony. “Are you seriously not going to-” she stops mid-sentence when Loki smirks at her, his back turned to the other men. She opens her mouth to protest, to call him an asshole but he ever so slightly shakes his head and places a finger to his lips. Perhaps, she should call this thing off right now, turn and tell Tony that this is all a terrible joke, but the glimmer in Loki's eyes stops her, convinces her to let this go on just a bit longer.

 _Is he safe?_ She mouths and Loki nods. Okay, she thinks, just a few more minutes. Let Loki get it out of his system, give Tony a humorous scare and then move along.

“Give him this,” Loki says out loud as he hands Natasha a leaf that manifests in his hand out of thin air, “it will alleviate more of his immediate symptoms.”

“What do you mean,” Tony chews slowly and some of the colour returns to his face, “more immediate?”

“The offspring of his species grows fast. We have to hurry.”

The noise Tony makes is nearly too much for Natasha and when he pulls his shirt over a clearly distended belly, she has to bite her tongue hard to prevent herself from bursting into laughter. She's a horrible person for playing along with Loki's schemes.

“Come on,” Clint squeezes Tony's shoulder with a look of concern that is so genuine, Natasha bites down again.

As they continue walking, Tony is very quiet. Clint talks with him in low, hushed tons that Natasha can't hear. _-take care of it_ and _you know I won't-_ snippets here and there but she doesn't try to listen. The less she actively involves herself in what's going on back there, the better. So, she picks up her steps- much to Clint's complaint- and walks beside Loki who looks more and more pleased with every despairing whimper that comes from Tony. _Does it look bigger? It feels bigger. Oh God, I think it kicked!_

God of Mischief indeed, she thinks. Better than the two trying to kill each other, at least in this moment. Though Tony is definitely slowing them down even more now and that worries her a bit. Loki notices as well because he frowns and after a few more minutes of walking and Tony stumbling twice, he stops.

“We will rest here for a moment. Stark, how are you- oh wow. “ His mouth twitches slightly when he turns around to face Tony and the very distinct belly sprouting under his shirt. Sure, it isn't the size of a full human pregnancy but it is enough to be of alarming concern to the uninitiated.

“We gotta do something now.” Clint looks at Loki. “I mean, he's an idiot and we need to get out of here, but how do we know they're not eating him inside out?” All colour drains from Tony's face and as if on cue, he doubles over with a pained groan.

“Oh god!” His fist claws at the ground. “What is happening? Loki?! It hurts, it hurts so bad!”

“Okay Loki, you-” Natasha starts but he places a hand on her shoulder. Well, it appears he learned not to dismiss her like a jackass. At least he has the balls to tell Tony-

“The human metabolism must have sped up the growth.” Or not. Natasha watches as Loki kneels beside Tony and places a hand on his belly, “the eggs are ready to be lain.” Gently, he guides Tony to lay on his back.

“Lain?!” Tony's eyes widen in ways Natasha hadn't thought possible. “How?!”

“The same way they got up there.” Loki raises and eyebrow and glances at Tony's lower body. It's a vague gesture but they all know what he implies. “The average bunch is six maybe eight eggs, by the size of your belly they're probably the size of a fist, which is small, usually they're the size of a-”

“Oh god please help me,” Tony clutches at Loki's shirt and Natasha no longer feels like this is funny. “please! I promise I won't go carelessly gallivanting through the cosmos again! Vow of chastity until we go back to Earth, but please, use your magic, something, anything, please! Help me!”

That's when Loki loses it: a twitch of the mouth, a grin, and then a laughter bright and high and incredibly amused. Clint looks as confused as Tony when the man's belly dissolves into the air with a green shimmer.

“Are you- what?!” Tony's voice is shrill and Loki's laughter reaches a cackle as he stands up.

“Don't do that again.” His laughter stops so abruptly that Natasha startles. He adds, face severe: “Ever.” Stunned, Tony sits on the ground and just stares at Loki, breath heavy. Natasha isn't sure what to say or do because it had started out as a trickery, a mischief, but now, there's pain in Loki's eyes. Clint is the first to recover.

“Hey, Lokes,” he brushes dirt off his knees, “there's this day on Earth on April 1st, and I would like to enlist your help with something.”

“You all right?” Natasha loosens the rope around her waist and kneels beside Tony.

“That wasn't funny.” Tony says quietly.

“Yeah I know.” She feels guilt in her throat. “You still in pain?”

“No,” Tony shakes his head. “Why is he so mad at me all the time? I should be the one who is mad at him, and don't get me wrong, I am but it feels... different.”

“You don't remember him the way he wants you to.” Natasha says when Clint and Loki are engrossed in plans for an April Fool's Day she is going to be spending somewhere far away from them. “There's a lot of stuff you're missing and-”

“You all know.” Tony looks incredibly tired. “All of you know what I'm supposed to remember but I can't and you're not telling me.”

“It's not my place to tell.”

“Then who's is it? Who do I have to talk to to get some god damned answers here?”

“Him.” Natasha looks at Loki.

"Oh like he's actually going to tell me anything." Tony glares in Loki's direction but fortunately, Loki does not see.

"Have you tried asking like a person?" She raises an eyebrow. "And I mean an actual person, not the crazy asshole crap you pulled back at home." _Home._ The word spills out before she can control it. Stark- Avengers Tower had become home in such a short time that it seems silly to still think of it as such, but now that she has her memories back, it seems sillier not to.

"See, that's exactly what I mean." Tony frowns. "We all lost something important because of him, and you got it back. You are back to feeling what you did before, back to being the person before he took our memories. I don't have that. I'm not even sure I want that. How can you trust him?"

 _He loves you_ "He's proven himself trustworthy before." She says as she pushes herself standing. "As for the rest, ask him. You might be surprised."

Tony rolls his eyes at her. It's frustrating. She gets it. If their situations were reversed, Natasha would probably be as mistrusting of Loki as Tony is. However, they need to get out of this forest and there is no time for fucking around. So, she simply squeezes Tony's shoulder as she helps him up and leaves it at that as she ropes herself back in.

"How much longer until we reach the edge of the forest?" She asks just as Clint talks about wrapping all of Stark Tower in toilet paper. Loki looks at her but he doesn't respond. When she raises her eyebrow at him, he looks away, pretends to look at Clint again but Natasha knows a cop out when she sees one. "Where the hell are we going then?" She has plans to give him until he explained himself and once they are safe, they will have a very stern talk about honesty.

"I hid the gauntlet and the sceptre in this forest." Well, at least he doesn't dare to lie in her face. That's a start.

"Should only be a half hour or so based on how much we've been walking." Clint says. "There's a cave at the centre of the forest and apparently a small crack in the fabric of time and space which we- well Loki- might be able to exploit to get us out of here without having to face the forest again."

Clint knows. Clint _knew_ and he hadn't mentioned a word to Natasha. She's not sure how she is supposed to feel aside from her insides dropping out from under her. Before she can open her mouth, Clint puts a hand on her shoulder.

"Couldn't tell you, Tasha," he says, "couldn't risk Tony knowing what with how he's been around any suggestions Loki has made. We would be arguing somewhere right now and probably end up getting eaten alive by some evil fern."

"I'm like three metres away from you," Tony joins them, tied back into the rope. "What the hell is wrong with you?! See, this, Natasha? This is why I don't fucking trust anything that guy has to say or doesn't say. He's always fucking scheming and you best believe that if shit doesn't go his way, he's going to leave us here and get the fuck out himself."

" _He_ is also right here." Loki says, but his voice is tired. Clearly, the entertainment of the joke had already worn off. "The disadvantages of this," he pulls at the rope which still connects all three of them. Really, privacy isn't more than a hushed whisper and the willingness of others to not listen. "And we do not have time for extensive discussions concerning my motifs, Stark. That cave is the only way out we have, unless you- of course- can enlighten us with a better suggestion before the suns reach their zenith."

"Fine," Tony throws his arms in the air, "go ahead fearless leader, lead on. If this goes belly up at least I know my dying breath will go towards _I told you so_."

The truce is precarious at best. Natasha wants to rearrange them to put as much space between Tony and Loki but that means either Tony is at the back or on point, neither something that's desirable at this point. So, they continue as they are, pace much faster now to the point that they all end up in a light job along trampled deer paths and meadows. The forest still appears peaceful but the suns are still not at their highest point. Loki leads them on a path that doesn't seem to follow any sort of straight line or even logic. Several times, Natasha is convinced they take four left turns or even complete direction reversals, but she trusts that he knows what he is doing even if she doesn't necessarily trust him completely.

As they move, the forest becomes thicker. Trees stand closer together and are guarded by underbrush heavy and strong, full of nettles and thorny twigs which promise to grow into the brambles which had captured and nearly killed Loki. Natasha wishes she had traded her jeans for the leather pants that had been made available to her, and she is sure Clint is probably wishing the same. Her suspicions are confirmed when Clint curses loudly and condemns all living plants. Even Loki has slowed down, though between his stride and the protection of his leather pants, Natasha knows he is doing them a courtesy rather than requiring to slow down. Could be worse, she thinks, he could be gloating about it. He doesn't though and when the underbrush starts to reach above Natasha's waist, she opens her mouth to ask how much further they have to wade through this crap, but Loki ducks behind a tree and they follow suit without asking.

 _Not alone_ he mouths and looks toward the trees ahead. They're the last barrier between the forest and a clearing right before a cliff face at the edge of the mountain range. Natasha remembers how far in the distance those had seen and wonders how much ground they covered and how much of it was... helped along by Loki. There's no time to ask because she spots the entrance to the cave not a couple of hundred metres ahead of them. They are indeed not alone.

The cloaked form of a woman lurks close to the entrance, half hidden amongst the tree line. Natasha does not recognize her but when Tony's eyes fall upon her, he does. Maybe he's slept with her as well. At this point Natasha is just assuming that all this leads back to Tony sleeping his way through the galaxy. Loki definitely recognizes her, his jaw sets, and he slowly removes the rope from his waist. All right, they're fighting this one then. Natasha slips out of the rope and activates her gauntlets. She's used them quite a bit, so there is no guarantee they will last the fight but really, if Loki is going to fight her it means they won't get past her without one. Clint is already halfway up a tree which Natasha hopes won't be too detrimental as the sun continues to climb the sky.

"You know," Tony whispers barely audible, "this would be great time to have my suit." Natasha glances at the bracelet still around his wrist. There's only one and she has no idea how they work to call the suit. "Not enough power in the transponder." He answers her question before she can ask it. She lifts her wrist with a questioning face. There might be enough power left in them to boost the signal but Loki interferes and grabs Tony's wrist.

"If you truly require your tin can," he whispers, voice harsh as his hand and the bracelet begin to glow. "Do try to make it worth our while and use it as more than a shell to hide in."

"Do we have a-" but Loki's already on his feet and halfway across the distance between them and her. Her back is turned and she doesn't see him coming. And Loki doesn't wait for her to turn around, or alert her in any way. He just conjures energy in his hands and shoots her in the back. Twice. She collapses to the floor from what Natasha can tell unconscious but one never knows with enemies. Loki stands over her body and looks around for a while before looking back in their direction.

"My apologies," he says, "I had assumed my attack was an invitation for you to come join me."

“It looked like you had this.” Natasha glances at the woman's body, the cloak had fallen from her face revealing a bald, blue and purple head. What does she want? Why had this been so easy? Natasha stops herself before she drowns in a sea of questions.

It is then that Tony's suit arrives and almost smashes into the man before enveloping him whole. Loki is about to laugh- Natasha assumes at the timing- when he is hit square in the chest by some sort of fire. Not that easy then, but Clint shouts that he's got it and an arrow shot later someone falls from a tree on the opposite side of the clearing. Loki's face isn't quite as confident any more, though what he is losing, Tony announces that his scanners have spotted an air craft nearby. Loki- face too pale for Natasha's comfort- tells them that it's about time to go. She and Clint race into the opening of the cave but as they make to stop, Loki tells them to keep going and Tony to collapse the entrance from the inside.

"You want to explain who that was?" Natasha brushes the dust and debris out of her hair with her fingers. So much for staying clean for more than a few hours at a time. Of course, Loki doesn't answer and presses them forward, deeper into the bowels of the cave.

It is dark inside, because it's a cave and dark really comes with the territory and is a stupid description of a cave. This one is different, Natasha notices. There are no torches or lamps or any other artificial sources of light. Yet, it is bright enough to make out their surroundings for the bio-luminescent glow of moss growing along the cave walls illuminates it, bathes it in a soft blue light that doesn't appear to cast shadows. It feels surreal, like the light made everything a little less anchored in the reality she knows. An odd description, but Natasha doesn't recall having ever encountered such a thing. Sure, she has seen bio-luminescent algae and while it had been different and odd, it never looked as surreal as her friends bathed in the cool light right now.

"I only know who she claims to be," Loki steps further through the maze of tunnels. Like the forest, they are filled with winding paths and forks and unexpected turns and drop-offs which Loki navigates with such precision that Natasha wonders how exactly he knows his way around so well. "If she is who she claims, we are in much graver danger than any of you could possibly imagine and if she is not, she is insane enough to claim relations to an evil you cannot yet comprehend. That alone should give us cause for concern."

"We defeated her though," Tony pipes up, "well you did, but same result right? We find the magical glove you hid and we're on our merry way?"

"Even you are not foolish enough to believe that." Loki sticks his hand into a what appears to be a crevasse chosen at random and before them a small, very small opening appears in the rock face. "She was waiting for someone and ultimately us, which means our intentions have already been betrayed."

“Even I?” Tony straightens in his suit. “Care to explain what-”

"I've got this," Natasha says and uses the chance to escape what surely will end in a fight. Clint can break them up this time, she thinks as she crawls into the opening. The rock hangs so low, she has to pull herself along on her stomach and every so often she can still feel the rock brush against her ass. This is not comfortable but judging by the noise behind her it's more comfortable than standing between Loki and Tony who has once more gone off at each other. She doesn't exactly know what she is looking for, what to expect in here and almost misses the drop in the tunnel. It is too narrow to allow her to slide down, but she can see the soft glow of the gauntlet or the sceptre.

It takes all of her concentration and a lot wiggling to reach down low enough to reach the... gauntlet. The sceptre isn't there. Smart move to keep them separate even in the same general hiding place. For a moment, Natasha feels triumphant until she realizes she still has to get out. With no way to turn around, she has to shimmy herself back until her toes find bracing which allows her to pull herself backwards several inches at a time. By the time she makes it back out, she is covered in sweat, dust, grime, and some black goop so sticky she doesn't want to know its origin. And of course there is no offer of help since Loki and Tony seem to still be at it. Clint just stands there watching them. She rolls her eyes as she stands up and brushes some of the dirt off her pants.

"I know you're never going to finish arguing," she throws the gauntlet at Loki's head but he catches it before it can hit him, "but we still have a sceptre to find."

"No, Miss Romanoff, you found both," Loki says calm but still glaring at Tony. He reaches into the gauntlet as though to put it on but as he pulls back away, he holds the sceptre in his hand.

"Clever," Natasha raises an eyebrow. She doesn't get in more words because Loki reaches out and grabs her with one hand and Tony with the other. Clint is smart enough to catch on and grab a hold of Loki's forearm. The world disappears with a painful and sickly lurch behind Natasha's navel and moments later reappears in a moment with a punch to the guts. This time, she's the first to lose the contents of her stomach in the grass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking next weekend off since I just got my schedule and I'm working nights and mornings all mixed (get home at 10pm and be up again by 6am the next day ew) and will be too dead to remember to post anything. Next update is going to be June 21)


	7. Sometimes We Break, Sometimes We Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Tony learns a lot of things

“Hey, I just want to point out that it isn't me this time.” Tony says though he feels rather nauseated and unsteady in his suit. Beside him, Natasha clutches a fistful of grass as she retches, Loki kneeling beside her.

 

“That's because you puked up what you had left in your guts when you thought you were going to birth alien kiddos.” Clint states, voice dry. There's clear concern for Natasha there but he doesn't dare kneeling beside her. 

 

“I'm fine.” She pushes Loki away and stumbles to her feet. “But that mode of transportation though, that is not okay.”

 

Tony knows exactly how she feels. That first time Loki had grabbed him and just torn him through space and time, well maybe just space... probably. He remembers throwing up in the forest and then again in the S.H.I.E.L.D bunker where- he suddenly feels weak in the legs and all that's holding him up is the suit that is wrapped around him. Back in his penthouse when Loki had leapt at him, that hadn't been the first time they'd travelled together.

 

The world feels hollow around him when he realizes, when images whirl together inside his head that do not yet make sense but he knows they will. And that is something he has to admit that terrifies him. No matter what had happened, Loki had taken those memories from him, made him a lesser man, and _that_ he should never forget and certainly not forgive. And it scares Tony that whatever memories will come back to him, that he will be forced to forgive Loki in order to make them fit into his life again. That isn't something he is prepared to do just yet.

 

“Where the hell are we now?” Clint's question tears Tony from his thoughts, because where the hell are they indeed. There is only one sun in the sky, bonus, and down toward the horizon, Tony can make out a huge golden citadel. Nevermind, he thinks, Asgard. He's heard Thor wax epically for hours just about that damned citadel that he's pretty sure he'll be able to navigate it without a nap.

 

"We're in Asgard?" Clint looks around and tenses. Tony agrees, not the safest place in the universe for them right now, especially not with Loki in- Loki looks as surprised as they do.

 

"I...," Loki starts and looks around, "it is not safe for us out in the open like this. We will seek shelter before I explain."

 

"That you didn't mean to bring us here? Yeah I gathered as much by your _face_." But it's not actually feeling right, bickering with Loki. Tony wants to be mad because this is all turning out to be a wild goose chase, but it doesn't feel right, not since he's remembered bits and pieces that would mean that Loki has been helping them. It's hard to make up his mind on what is possibly the truth. After all, Loki could just be feeding him false memories.

 

"I suppose it is easily explained if you speak of it as such." Loki frowns and tries to get his bearings. "We should not linger here. I may not have meant to bring you here, but-"

 

"But I have," a voice behind them freezes Loki where he stands. He blanches whiter than Tony has ever seen. "However, you are right, it is not safe to linger in the open like this, my son."

 

Tony has never seen Loki like this. And he isn't sure he ever will again. Strong, imposing, scary, stubborn, everything that makes Loki terrifying when he wants to be is drained out of him. It's a physical change, like someone pulled a plug on Loki's ankle and slowly had begun to deflate him. His eyes are dull, dark, and Tony can make out the prick of tears in the corners and he cannot possibly imagine what Loki feels right now. Not that Tony cares, he just wants to know what the fuck will happen now. That's all. That's everything. Whatever.

 

"If you brought us here, I assume you know where we can be safe?" Natasha breaks the silence as she turns to look at Frigga. Loki doesn't. He isn't even moving and Tony's not sure it's something he's currently capable of.

 

"You are correct, but for that we have to smuggle you into the citadel," she looks toward the city, "there is a homestead not far from here. I will explain when we arrive, but we must hurry. Heimdall cannot lie to Odin and while he can delay what he has seen, he will not keep it from him for long. Come."

 

Yeah, so Frigga is the second most badass woman Tony has ever encountered right after Natasha of course. She still holds the top spot because Frigga doesn't strike him as particularly ruthless. She walks ahead, leads them across the countryside, through fields, and Loki was right. Everything is incredibly out in the open here and it would have been futile to even attempt concealing four strange people- one of them wearing a fucking metal suit- in the middle of a rolling meadow. Yeah, not going to happen any time soon. This was probably for the best in all regards. Though, it should probably be of a little concern that it is possible to intercept Loki's magical portal hopping like that.

 

The walk isn't as 'short' as Tony would have expected a short walk to be. Perhaps for people in Asgard, it's considered a short walk but they're climbing up steep hills now that they have passed the pastures and grain fields. Grapes grow here, Tony notices and wonders if they make wine as well as ale. He wishes he had easy access to his pockets but he can't exactly peel himself out of his suit and have it follow them without being noticed. Not that wearing the suit makes that much of a difference, to save power, climate controls are off and he's currently drenched in sweat and chafed in places he didn't think possible while wearing the suit. It also means there is a metal alloy barrier several inches thick between him and the flask in his pocket . Maybe where they're heading has some kind of alcohol for him. He likes alcohol. He misses alcohol. Maybe another tavern and a pretty bar mai- no, he'd promised. No more shenanigans with aliens. So maybe a few ales and a leisurely wank in a shower. Yeah, he'd like a wank in the shower. Or just a shower. To be honest, at this point he is willing to settle for a five minute break to catch his breath.

 

"Just a little further," Frigga announces as she looks back down at them. It is clear by her look that she realizes she is asking a lot from them and that she understands their limitations, but needs them to push themselves further. And Tony? Tony can do that for her. He can push a little further to make her feel proud that he has accomplished something that was hard for him- apparently she has that affect on people. He understands now why Thor speaks of her the way she does and why Loki looks like a dog that is terribly, terribly sorry for eating the thing that was on the table that he really shouldn't have eaten but couldn't help himself.

 

Families, he thinks, they're the fucking same everywhere. Can't live with them, can't figure out how the fuck to do your own thing without being a god damned disappointment. Just wonderful. That combined with the daddy issues Loki obviously has, Tony can almost not blame him for the shit he pulls. Almost. It's still one thing being a family disappointment and a complete other thing trying to take over the world, kill a bunch of people, and then try to flake out of the whole thing and pretend like everything's fine and dandy.

 

"Here we are," Frigga says when they finally reach the top of that really fucking steep hill. It's really fucking idyllic here, Tony would think this to be a place where they can film another Lord of the Rings trilogy and what not. Everything is so juicy green that it almost looks fake. He can see the homestead between a bunch of trees and bushes and flowers threatening to spill out from the simple wooden fence and onto the dirt road. For a civilization this advanced, it looks incredibly simplistic and medieval, like the most advanced technology they're going to find here is a wheelbarrow. The building has a thatched roof similar to the tavern in the woods and that makes Tony slightly apprehensive. There are horses in a paddock beside it. He says horses, but these things are massive. He's never seen a horse quite that big even from far away and he's perfectly fine not making their acquaintance.

 

Loki is still silent. He hasn't said a word on their entire journey to this place. Not that anyone has tried to talk with him. Even Frigga had very carefully worded herself to include everyone in any conversation they had. It was never just her and Loki, but Tony figures that's going to happen sooner rather than later. The woman had thought her son captured and then who knows where or even possibly dead once more. She's holding it together impressively well in Tony's opinion.

 

Loki on the other hand looks like only the barest of threads is holding him together. Not that Tony can blame him. Mothers were always different from fathers, at least in Tony's experience. Now things had changed but his parents were part of the Best Generation. Though Tony of course had been a rather late surprise, an unplanned surprise for a couple that had agreed on bettering the world systematically rather than have children. His mother had been in her 40s when he was born, something nearly unheard of for a first child in that generation.

 

"Are you coming or are you going to continue staring at the horses until we have to leave?" Natasha smiles at Tony from the door and everyone else- where had they gone? He needs to stop spacing out like that when he thinks.

 

"I never thought I'd say this," he enters the building with hesitation, "but I can't wait to get out of this suit."

 

"You may leave your armour in the attic, it will be safest there." Frigga suggests with a smile.

 

The inside of the house is nothing like Tony had expected. To be fair, his mind was set on the interior of the tavern which while completely illogical seeing as the tavern may be light years away from them and- He tries not to think too hard about where in the universe that tavern is located in relation to Asgard. It is a little too much for now. Maybe once he's showered and eaten... if there is going to be food and a shower.

 

The interior reminds Tony a bit of... it's really hard to pinpoint. It looks like an American homestead, 1800s maybe ranch, wooden floors, wooden walls, but there is a distinct air of Other here. An air he can't quite describe, but it feels like he could touch the door and it would open automatically, or if he touched a specific part of the wall, a display screen would pop out. Rustically futuristic maybe? Is that a thing? Maybe he'll make it a thing in his penthouse when he gets back. To his disappointment though, there isn't a transporter to the attic. He does have to climb technically but he has the suit, so he just uses the propulsion system to get himself up there.

 

The attic is different. It's a bunch of old, discarded things, wooden boxes, a broken rocking horse, stacks of dusty books, a bunch of hay with a blanket over it. Someone hides out here often enough to have a rudimentary bed made up that could be disguised as junk shoved haphazardly into the attic to be out of the way. Well then, maybe there's more going on than he knows just yet. He elects to leave the suit far from the small access hatch and far from the small window on the opposite end, tucked away beside a bookshelf, he throws a dusty blanket over it and strews a few books around it hoping the dust will settle fast enough to make it look like nothing has truly moved here. And now he is as covered in dust and grime as Natasha is. Wonderful.

 

When he climbs back down, Natasha sits at the table by the window with a mug of something in her hand. There is food on the table but she hasn't touched it yet. Clint is nowhere to be seen and neither are Loki or Frigga.

 

"Where is everyone?" He asks and joins her. Thank fuck there is food, he is starving.

 

"Clint is taking a shower and Loki... well, Frigga tried to talk to him, but that did not go too well. He left outside, she followed. I don't think it's my place to listen in on that conversation." She looks at Tony and there is something in her eyes.

 

"But you think _I_ should." He shoves a piece of cheese in his mouth because if he is right, he'll probably want to have eaten something.

 

"Yes," she doesn't even try to beat around the bush, "I think you should. Mostly because I believe their conversation will very quickly turn to you and it's time you remembered. She knows more about what's going on with you than she lets on. She recognized you first when she saw us." She takes another drink. "And then I'll let you go ahead of me in the shower line."

 

For a few long moments, he looks at her. She is serious, he knows that much, but she is not giving him anything else. That woman could pass a fucking mind reader's lie detection. So, he nods and grabs a piece of bread before slowly getting up and walking to the door. It's probably bad form to spy on family affairs, but it was a spy-approved manoeuvre so who was he to argue with that. Once he is out the door, he doesn't even need to sneak close. Loki speaks louder than usual and clearly agitated.

 

"I can't," Loki's voice is shaking, "I can't speak to you. Not right now, not like this. I can't."

 

Tony moves closer to the corner of the building, glad that the bushes here are as tall as Thor, though it's a bit cliche spying through the brush, but oh well. He can see them on the grass between the garden beside the house and the paddock. Loki isn't facing Frigga, his clothes black like he's a fucking mood ring of misery. Tony knows that shirt was green before they had appeared in Asgard. Frigga stands not five feet behind him, flowing dress and all, but beneath it, Tony can spot armour, well concealed but it is there. Either she knows what Loki can be capable of or she is protecting herself from something else. Both aren't options Tony is particularly fond of.

 

"My son," she says softly, "my poor son." She steps closer and extends her hand to touch his shoulder, but he must have felt it coming because he turns to deflect her arm with his.

 

"Don't touch me!" There are tears in Loki's eyes and Tony can feel his stomach clench. "I am not your son!"

 

"This is where you are wrong, my darling child," Frigga smiles warm like hasn't just insulted her, "you are and will always be my son, my child, even if it were not my loins that bore you. You will _always_ be my son."

 

That's the breaking point for Loki. That's the most he can apparently take. Tony notices the agony in the man's face and it breaks his heart. By all logic or reason, it shouldn't, but it does. He finds he has to bite his cheek when Loki falls to his knees with a helpless sob. Tony shouldn't be here; he shouldn't be watching this. He has no business to watch a man fall apart like this in front of his own mother. Loki's hair falls to his face and Tony cannot see the tears fall but the movement of his shoulder, the strangled sobs, and Frigga rushing to kneel in front of him, to draw him into a gentle embrace. She should hate Loki for the terrible things he's done and said. Instead, she just pulls him close and holds him.

 

"I will never abandon you, Loki," she kisses his hair and whispers things Tony cannot make out from the distance. Whatever it is, Loki clutches at her, sobs against her like he's a child that has fallen and hurt himself and now needs nothing more than his mother's comfort. Tony shouldn't be here. He had been wrong to listen to Natasha. This isn't about him, it's about- "After all you had to endure," Frigga continues, "I know how you must feel: abandoned, broken, useless, the black sheep of the family, the one who doesn't belong, but we love you. We will never stop loving you."

 

"Don't," Loki doesn't try to pull free but he doesn't want to hear Frigga's words either, "I was a- a whim, a monster to be used to his advantage."

 

"Perhaps that is what he has told himself," she sighs, "and perhaps he now believes it, but that does not change mine or Thor's love for you. It does not change that you are part of this family."

 

"I have done terrible things," Loki's voice is hollow, barely audible as his face is buried against his mother's shoulder.

 

"As has your brother," she runs her hand over his back, slow and soothing, "and your father. Perhaps he has done the most terrible of them all by wilfully abandoning you, but you... you are so resilient. You have endured things I do not want to fathom, you allowed, no you wanted them to do these things to you. I-"

 

"How do you know this?" Loki pulls away to look Frigga in the eyes. "How can you know? Heimdall-"

 

"Heimdall has averted his gaze from you once you were brought to Midgard, for your safety and for the safety of this realm. No," she takes a breath, "I know what has come to pass because I have seen it. I have seen it through his eyes."

 

"His... eyes?" Loki tilts his head and wipes his tears, confused but Tony can tell they both are suspecting the same.

 

"The Man of Iron," Frigga's smile is soft... and knowing and oh gods please don't let that part be true, "your Anthony."

 

Tony and Loki blush at the almost exact same time. It's not cool at all. Neither of them is supposed to blush. They are not blushing people. Tony should be outraged at the thought, but he feels numb. The blush happens because parts of his brain are telling his face stupid lies.

 

"It was a foolish thing to bind his memories to a book, especially with such a strong enchantment." She looks at him like she knows how desperate Loki must have been, like she understands that, even when Tony cannot fathom. "It was even more foolish to bind it to your life. So if the book was lost you would have to give your life in order for Anthony of Stark to regain his memories. How do you think he would feel if you died the moment he remembers that he loves you?"

 

Tony gapes. Not only was Loki's mother, Queen ruler of Asgard and therefore of the Nine Realms, aware that apparently Loki had stolen the memories of the Avengers, bound Tony's extra special- though he supposes this explains a lot- but she has _seen_ them and is now _scolding_ Loki for being irresponsible about the whole thing. Tony really doesn't know what the hell to think about this whole thing.

 

"I did not know what else to do," Loki is quiet, Tony has to guess half the words coming from him.

 

"Next time," she extends her hand to caress his cheek softly, "do not feel it is a shame to come to your mother for help. Especially if she taught you everything you know."

 

"Yes, mother," Loki says and this time the word mother has no spite in it. "Forgive me."

 

"I have forgiven you," Frigga stands and extends her hand to help him up, "but please, know that next time you deny me as your mother, I will drag you to your room by your ear for all of Asgard to see and lock you in until you give up on that sort of nonsense. Now, let us return inside the long way, so Anthony has time to slip back into the house without us seeing."

 

It's a little comical how Loki and Tony react the same way, shock spreading across their faces, cheeks flushing again. Tony manages to choke back a strangled cry as he flees from the bushes back into the house. He hears Frigga's laughter like bells at Loki's reaction and she says something to him, but Tony can't hear because he's too busy slamming the door behind him and rushing to sit in front of Natasha like nothing ever happened.

 

"They catch you listening in then?" It isn't a question. Maybe it is phrased like a question but Natasha isn't asking, she is stating a simple fact. "You make for a terrible spy, Stark."

 

"Yeah well," he doesn't even know where to start on this one. He pulls the flask from his pocket and takes a long swig. Natasha had _known_ this stuff the entire time and kept her mouth shut. Tony feels too hot, then too cold. He feels sick to his stomach. How could he _love_ a psychopathic serial killer, a megalomaniac war criminal? But then again, kneeling in that grass wasn't a war lord or the leader of any sort of invasion. Kneeling in that grass had been a distraught boy who needed his mother. He's never before felt quite this conflicted in his life. So, he starts shoving food in his mouth because hey, it's there and if he gets sick well so be it. This way, he will at least not have to answer any awkward questions.

 

"I see he's found out then," Clint comes back dressed in nothing but a thick, fluffy towel wrapped around his waist. "I think you need to cough up 20 bucks the next time we find a bank, 'cause that isn't crying on the floor or sitting in a corner rocking while mumbling to himself. I told you he'd take it like a champ." Clint steals himself a plate and eats standing up.

 

"It was wrong of us to bet on someone's feelings like that." Natasha simply says.

 

"Oh now you're backing out because you lost," Clint smirks and shoves a piece of meat in his mouth.

 

"Where are your clothes?" Natasha looks at him.

 

"Oh, Frigga said we have to change into more appropriate attire and there wasn't anything laid out yet so hey, why not."

 

"It's not appropriate," Natasha hisses as the door opens. "She is a _queen_."

 

"Do not worry," Frigga smiles as she enters the room, and fuck, does it feel sunnier indoors now? "I do not mind a handsome man clad in nothing but a small cloth in my presence." She looks Clint up and down with a smile. Behind her, Loki looks mortified. In front of her, Clint looks like he's about to let her know that she's welcome to remove the small cloth any time, but he doesn't, at least not with words.

 

"He was saying something about appropriate clothing?" Natasha just changes the topic completely, probably mentally making all kinds of notes to kill him later.

 

"They are lain out in the other room for you. Wash yourselves, eat, and drink, and when your bellies are filled once more, we shall speak of important matters regarding you, Anthony of Stark."

 

Tony shouldn't like being called Anthony of Stark but man it's so close to Anthony of House Stark and Game of Thrones as he can possibly get, so he takes it with a smile despite knowing he'll definitely be called out on that whole eavesdropping in the garden and all that. Natasha makes good on her word though and insists that he shower first. Leisurely wank is the furthest from his mind right now. He'd rather do well... anything else than wank in the shower. He even keeps washing his genitals brief just so he doesn't get any ideas. This is all way too fucked up but the warm shower helps settle his mind a bit.

 

The clothes lain out are different. He had imagined bright colours like green and red, but maybe on Asgard, bright colours were only reserved for royalty because these clothes were simple, shades of slate and beige. They did not have metal adornments or intricate stitching. They were plain clothes, beautiful and well crafted, but still plain and probably their best bet to get themselves smuggled into the city without being noticed. He returns to the table to tag out Natasha and sits back down. Clint has changed as well, similar style and colours to Tony's clothes.

 

"Look," he says but can't bring himself to look Frigga in the eyes, "I'm sorry about... that... outside... I shouldn't-"

 

"Worry not," she simply says, "you mind has undergone terrible things. You deserve to know everything. And once you are all here, fed and washed, I will return your memories to you.”

 

“You- but- how- I don't-” Tony stammers and judging by the look on Loki's face he's thinking the same thing. “How?”

 

“We should wait to discuss the matters until all of you are as comfortable as you can be, because it will not be for long. Things have changed here in Asgard. “

 

“Look,” somehow Tony finds his voice again, “I understand that you're trying to be really awesome and nice and want me to be prepared for this, but these memories are mine and they have been gone for a long time. Bits and pieces are coming back and none of them make sense, so _please_ allow me to remember the person I'm supposed to be. Before I can back out and change my mind on this.”

 

"You have a brave heart, young Anthony." Frigga looks at him and Tony's just going to expect her to ask what his intentions with her son are once he has his memories back. She excuses herself, and returns with a small package wrapped with silk and twine and by the looks of it, she's taken the silk from one of her dresses to conceal the book within it. "Go ahead," she places it in front of Tony and sits down across from him.

 

So he does, gently pulling at the twine to loosen the knot. His hands are shaking when he folds the cloth away from the book. It is bound in dark leather, but the stitching comes undone at the spine. The leather is scuffed and deeply scratched in places. The book has gone through as much as Tony has. He sighs and places his hand flat upon the book, but he cannot bring himself to open it.

 

"I don't know if I want this," he confesses and doesn't dare to even glance at Loki who has withdrawn into the shadow of the door. "I know I am not the person I'm supposed to be, but-"

 

"If it were not detrimental to your cause to allow you to continue on without these memories," Frigga says calm and quiet, "I would give you the choice to walk away from this. He may have taken your memories, but you do not owe him to take them back. However, there is a great evil gathering like a storm and you have memories that will only make sense to you. I may have seen then, but it is only you who can truly understand them."

 

Tony takes a shaky breath. "Can I still be mad at him after?"

 

"You will feel as you will and if anger is that feeling then that is what it is. What he did may not be unforgivable, but it is certainly not something you should easily forget."

 

Well then, Frigga is on Tony's side then. Are there even sides? Has everything just blurred into one grey blob? Tony closes his eyes for a moment and tilts back his head. He looks up at the ceiling and sighs. He shouldn't feel like crying, like wishing his mother would embrace him and tell him everything will be okay. Finally, he nods and looks at Frigga.

 

"Okay," he steels himself, "can't say I'm ready but I think this is as good as it's going to get." Slowly, he opens the book and Frigga whispers words in a language he cannot understand. Her words turn to colours, shades of green and gold that curl and coil away from the pages. Ink melts into mist before he can read the words. For a moment, he stares in wonder, and then freezes when the colour tendrils begin rise toward his face and seep into his eyes. It burns. His eyes are burning like fire. This can't be right, can it? The pain? It should not be so unbearable. She would have warned him. His thoughts cease when the tendrils reach his brain and slot back into place.

 

Memories wash over him, not like his life flashing before his eyes, more like a sudden over-saturation of thoughts for the briefest moment and then the pain stops and the hole inside his memories disappears. And he remembers.

 

_Everything._

 


	8. Love, what is it good for? (Absolutely everything.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony makes stupid decisions and maybe some good ones, too

Getting into the city and subsequently the citadel was easy compared to finding the courage to open that book. Frigga had arranged for a transport to take them to the city with goods for the citadel for some sort of royal celebration. In their company are two of Frigga's guards dressed in the same plain garb as they are. Tony doesn't want to think about how Loki had shifted to the form of a young woman upon Frigga's suggestion that it may be safe to hide his face. Is this how he had looked for that year? Tony doesn't want to think about these things but images flood into his mind without prompting, without permission. And as tempting as it is to try and shut them out, that would make things even worse. So, he grinds his teeth and wrecks his brain in silence which seems to serve everyone else well because at least there's no fighting.

 

Since no one is actively looking for them, blending into the every day bustle isn't very hard. Once they were stopped by guards just before entering the city. They had inspected the goods on the carriage- hovering, not horse-drawn, Tony thinks it's probably some form of Mendocino motor on steroids- and that had been it. Tony hasn't said a word to Loki and really, he still doesn't know when and how he will find himself to be able to talk to the guy. There's too much there now, too much for him to process in such a short amount of time. So, he looks away when Loki catches his eye. He can't. He's barely holding his shit together as is and they don't have the luxury, the time for a full-blown meltdown in the middle of the square in front of the citadel.

 

Once inside, Frigga joins them once more, walking beside them with fluid and deliberate motions and Tony isn't going to think about where Loki must have picked up the way he moves. He doesn't have time to, because now, they are walking through the citadel to the wing where none but Frigga dare to go: the rooms of her children. Though rooms is really an understatement here. The 'rooms' are the size of Tony's penthouse and probably as many rooms within them. Clint claims Thor's bed like a college kid claiming shotgun to which Natasha just rolls her eyes and finds herself a place of her own: Thor's library with a chaise lounge. Tony notices how they stick to Thor's room and leave him and Loki on their own for the first time since they've arrived in Asgard. Here they are in the middle of Loki's childhood, and probably a good portion of adulthood as well. This isn't awkward, not at all.

 

“Anthony,” Loki breaks the silence, and frankly Tony realizes then he doesn't want to hear what he has to say right now. “Do you-”

 

“Just give me a moment or five or really maybe a few hours or days or months because yeah, I remember everything. I remember begging you not to do that to me. And you did it any way, and then you took more, you changed who I am.” Tony looks away. “I don't know if I can forgive you.”

 

“I know,” Loki's voice is raw and Tony has to close his eyes to will away the sting of tears. The worst part is that he wants to forgive Loki, wants to wrap his arms around him, and tell him that he forgives him and that things will work out somehow, but then he remembers the person Loki had allowed him to be over this past year. He wishes he could have refused Frigga, wishes he could have kept his memories the way they were. He had felt miserable with a hole inside his mind, but this? This was much, much worse.

 

Tony feels like he's living two lives at the same time, but he can't distinguish between the two. He shouldn't feel guilty to have slept with... he can't even remember his name now. Whatever. He shouldn't feel like he actually had been unfaithful. Not that they had ever defined their relationship enough to actually warrant such guilt and furthermore, having his memories stolen probably warrants some kind of break in whatever relationship they may have had. He's not sure why the hell he is still feeling so horrible. Okay sure, the whole thing is making him feel terrible but specifically, he is feeling guilt and rage, disappointment and mistrust all the while he still feels like he's in love with the fucking guy.

 

The worst part is the lack of choice. He'd asked Loki not to take his memories, fuck he had _begged_ him. The fact that the only reason he needed the memories back isn't because so he and Loki can have their happily ever after. No, it's so they can fight some ridiculous evil that threatens to wipe out everything Tony has ever known. _He had begged._

 

“ _No, please,” he whispers and takes another step back. “Don’t.”_

  
_“I have to.”_   
  
_“You don’t! You don’t have to! What we have is good. It may not be perfect but it’s good for us!”_

 

"Are you happy now that I remember?!" He's angry, no, he's furious and Loki is the obvious target. "Is that why you were so mad at that tavern? You were pissed cause I slept around?" The look Loki shoots him almost makes him apologize for his words.

 

"No," Loki manages to overcome the hurt in his face and sneers, "I was well aware that you would revert to your natural state after I took those memories. You have them back, you remember why I did it."

 

"Because you wanted to protect us," Tony knows there's no reason to start an argument, but he wants to start one any way. "What kind of lame fucking excuse is this?"

 

"I understand you are angry, but you have all the explanation you require." Loki turns away from him to walk into the adjacent room.

 

"Fuck you!" Tony doesn't have anything else. It's a stupid argument and he should stop, but he can't. It physically hurts to think about anything other than making Loki pay for what he did.

 

"You should rest, Stark," Loki doesn't turn around and that enrages Tony further. He walks out of the room and closes the door quietly behind him. Tony can hear a locking mechanism click in place.

 

Rage overwhelms Tony, he doesn't think as he screams and throws over a small table near him. He drags his arm across Loki's desk to clear it in his rage. That doesn't make him feel better either. Instead, he feels worse. He fumbles for the flask in his pocket and empties it without thinking. The warm trickle down his throat barely takes the edge off. He needs more, but when he tilts the flask back again, it is empty. The flask joins Loki's things on the floor.

 

They were told to stay in the rooms, to not stray from the area for they were safest there. Fuck safe, Tony thinks and grabs his cloak from the arm chair and storms out the door. He has no idea where the hell he is in relation to anything, but that doesn't matter. He needs to walk, to move, to put as much distance between him and Loki as he can before he figures out a way to get past that door and kill the guy.

 

Asgard, strikes him to be very much like Texas. Everything is much bigger than it needs to be. He likes it, to an extent, besides, who is he to judge. He walks along pillared corridors for a long time before he finds stairs and walks down them. They aren't like the massive stairs they had climbed on the way to the rooms. It is a small spiral case, lit with small orange glowing spheres. The staircase narrows further, the stone changes to metal and when he reaches the bottom, he realizes he has found the kitchens. Kitchens mean alcohol.

 

"Excuse me," he says to the nearest person, a young woman with blonde hair in shades of slate and rose. "I am the Queen's guest, maybe you've heard of me, but what I was wondering is whether or not you have some ale or mead around. I have a hard time sleeping and-"

 

"Is the bell in your chambers broken?" She asks, her eyes are bright and blue like Thor's. Did Thor have sisters?

 

"Bell?" She furrows her brows and he nods. "Yes, my apologies, long day of travel, terrible company, I just need a little something to help me sleep."

 

"You are not from this world." She doesn't move to get him anything just yet.

 

"Yes," he says, it's not worth lying over it. He's probably already made a half dozen bad choices. "First time, as you probably have noticed, so please be gentle."

 

The woman looks at him for a few long moments before she begins to laugh and claps him on the back. Did Thor have a _twin_ sister? Without another word, she takes his arm and pulls him past the stoves and into a small room with a table and a few chairs and puts a jug and cup in front of him and a plate of meat and cheese. Not that he wasn't grateful, but he is starting to question where these people got their fibre from.

 

"Enjoy, relax, and worry not, court can be stifling for those of Asgard let alone outsiders."

 

It should be a warning sign that the woman doesn't even ask who he is but Tony doesn't particularly care. He has some sorrows to drown and some withdrawal symptoms to prevent. He pours himself a glass and it becomes clear pretty fast that ale in Asgard sure is not the same as ale on Earth. Ale is beer, nice and smooth and cold and you don't feel like you're probably ending up shitfaced after a glass or two. Asgardian ale is like a fucking Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. A sip feels like a punch into the sinuses and then the teeth, but then it's smooth and warm and hell, if this is how he is getting himself beat up tonight then so be it.

 

He's half a glass in- the beating gets gentler the deeper he gets into the glass- when he hears foot steps near him and hushed voices speaking. He can only make you _-asked me to tell you if I see them-_ and - _seems troubled_. Fuck it, he's about to get a lecture, probably from Natasha, so he downs the rest of the glass and for a moment, he can't see out of his left eye. He hears someone sit down beside him, feels the warmth of another person. Slowly, and a little sloppy, he turns his head and his bones suddenly feel cold as Frigga gently smiles at him.

 

"Asgardian ale is meant for those who possess the metabolism to stomach it." She looks at the young woman who removes the jug and replaces it with a carafe of water. Everything had a fancy container, jug, or jar here. No screw top bottle wine in this place. "You are lucky Solveig recognized you and sent word to me right away after watering down your drink that is."

 

"I didn't know there was a bell for take out." He refuses to drink the water even if his tongue feels dry. "Apologies, my lady- or your majesty, not sure about your etiquette-, won't happen again."

 

"You fought." Frigga simply says. "You drink to get a hold on your emotions."

 

"Well, you've seen my memories, so I don't know what you want me to say here."

 

"You need not say anything, young Anthony. Your actions speak loud enough for you."

 

"Look, I know we're on an altogether different planetoid, but I have heard every lecture under the sun. It doesn't change anything. Yeah sure, I was trying to quit before I was robbed of those memories, but that feels like it's another life away and I am living both against my will. Something has to give and this is going to keep me alive." There's a blue tinge to his vision now. “Maybe.”

 

"I do not wish to lecture you," she places her hand gently over his, "I am merely here to see you safely back to your room."

 

Tony narrows his eyes. It sounds like there are no strings attached but a lot of things sound like there are no strings attached. He takes a sip of the water and then empties the glass because his tongue is beginning to stick to the roof of his mouth. He doesn't particularly want to go back to that room where Loki is. Beside him, Frigga stands and extends her hand to him.

 

"Come, young Anthony, once you are in a bed, you will sleep well, and when you awaken, you and your friends will meet with me and I will show you what it is you seek."

 

Getting up is harder than it looks. A lot harder. Tony stumbles twice and the second time, Frigga actually catches him. Now that's awkward, the ex's mother helping him stand. If she feels it's awkward, she doesn't say anything. There's a chance, she's seen her fair share of crazy shit what with being really rather a lot older than she looks. Instead of making him crawl up the stairs, she places her hand on his chest and the world disappears. There is no punch in the guts when it reappears in the shape of his room. It is a gentle transition as though he had just stepped from one room to the next. He really needs to remember this in the morning to ask Loki some questions.

 

It hits awkward when Loki turns around and looks at them a little incredulous. He opens his mouth to say something but a single look from Frigga makes him close it again and instead close the distance between them to support Tony carefully. By this point, Tony doesn't want to argue any more. Tony wants to pass out on the bed and drool on himself until the morning. He can't make out what Frigga says to Loki but the guy sighs softly and nods.

 

“Come on, Stark,” he says after his mother has disappeared, “you will want to sleep this off.”

 

“I'm still mad at you,” the slur probably negates any emotional strength Tony's words have.

 

“I gathered,” he sighs, “you do really only have two coping mechanisms, don't you?”

 

“Enlighten me, my Prince of Asgard,” he tries to mock but Loki just takes it and lets it roll off him before sitting Tony down on the bed.

 

“Drinking and fucking,” Loki raises en eyebrow, “and you probably aren't even sure which you are supposed to use for what emotion.”

 

“You took everything else away from me.” He wants it to be cutting, malicious, angry, but it sounds just tired in his ears.

 

“I know,” Loki sits down beside Tony and Tony doesn't feel like telling him to fuck off just then. “If apologies sufficed I would prostrate them be-”

 

“Prostrate,” Tony chuckles, “you said prostrate.”

 

“You are drunk.”

 

“I miss you.”

 

 _Fuck_.

 

“Very drunk,” Loki sits up straight, but there is hesitation in his words, “you should sleep.”

 

“I should sleep, I should not want to drink myself to death, I should not feel like I am being torn in two. Sure, I have my memories back. I'm supposed to feel whole again, but I don't, Loki, I don't. I feel like I am living two lives and they're both a lie. All of you feel like nothing has changed but how can they just act like there wasn't a year when all of us barely tolerated each other. Supposedly everything is back to normal, but that's not how it feels to me. It feels like I have nothing.”

 

“You have all of us,” Loki looks at him and it feels too earnest for Tony to handle right now, “your friends, me.... all of us.”

 

“That's not how it feels.” Tony runs a hand over his face. “That's not what this feels like. Fuck, I was jealous of your mother. You did all this god damned shit, ruined our lives, and that's after trying to take over the known universe starting with New York. Yet, she doesn't even miss a beat and forgives you like that.” He snaps his fingers and stares at the floor.

 

“Were your mother alive, she would do the same.”

 

“Please,” Tony doesn't want to look at Loki. That's one place he refuses to go. Not with Loki, not with anyone. “Also not the fucking point.”

 

“Enlighten me then.”

 

"En- enlighten you, right," Tony feels incredibly patronized but he's not sure he can manage anger again just yet. "The point is that regaining my memories was supposed to fix all of this. You said it was supposed to fix me!"

 

"No, Stark," Loki sighs and looks at Tony with those fucking sad eyes. "I said I knew how to return your memories, not that they would fix you. Do you really believe that I want _this_?" No, Loki isn't just sad. Loki looks hurt to his very core and Tony feels his heart squeezed in his chest.

 

"Probably not." He feels a little miserable. He should fight with Loki, tell him to leave, but he can't. He can't bring himself to move closer to Loki, to tell him that they'll figure shit out, that they're going to be okay. Instead, he's frozen on the bed and there is nothing he can do to bring them out of this limbo.

 

"Indeed." Loki doesn't meet Tony's gaze. He gets up from the bed. "You do require sleep, Stark. Have a good night." That voice, strangled, trying to be neutral maybe even cold, Tony can't get over how his insides feel frozen, how they lurch into themselves at the idea that if Loki leaves now, things can never be okay again.

 

"Loki," it must be the alcohol that allows him to speak, even when he still can't move. "Please." He isn't even sure what he is asking of the man. All he knows is that Loki can't leave. He can't let him leave. Not now. Now now when they're both in this terrible place. He wants to tell Loki to stay, to kiss him, anything, but the most he manages to do is look at Loki and hope the guy can guess his thoughts.

 

And maybe he can, because moments later, Loki lets out a breath that sounds dangerously close to a suppressed sob. He crosses the distance between them in a single step and captures Tony's lips in a passionate kiss, a hand carding through his hair. Tony gasps, but it isn't surprise. He isn't sure what it is, relief perhaps. He returns the kiss with a soft noise, his hands clutching Loki's shirt. The memories had not done kissing Loki justice or maybe they just hadn't kissed enough. Tony feels like he's swimming and now, it isn't the alcohol. He brings a hand to run through Loki's hair, to pull him closer. They don't break the kiss when Tony leans back onto the bed and Loki crawls after him to straddle his hips as he continues to kiss and lick and nip at Tony's mouth.

 

"I am sorry," he says quietly when he finally breaks the kiss, but stays close enough that their noses still almost touch. "I never meant-"

 

"Shut up," Tony kisses him. He doesn't need apologies. He needs Loki. Needs him close and soon because it's been too fucking long. "I meant what I said." _I miss you_.

 

Loki doesn't respond, not verbally. Instead, he presses his forehead against Tony's and closes his eyes like he needs a moment to grasp what is happening. Maybe Tony should still be mad, but he doesn't find the anger that had come so easily before his memories returned. He smiles and kisses Loki once more. This time, he tugs on his shirt because he wants to feel Loki's skin, wants to feel him, make sure this is all actually real. And Loki, well, he seems to guess at what Tony wants because his pulls his shirt over his head and tosses it across the room.

 

"Look at me," Loki says, gentle and soft, "I need to know this is okay."

 

"Ngh," Tony somehow manages to keep from making a more undignified sound, "it's okay, I promise, it's okay." He peppers Loki's shoulders and clavicle with kisses. "It's not the alcohol. All me, promise, all me." He continues to murmur assurances against Loki's skin until he feels him relax slowly.

 

"That is not my worry," Loki shifts, pretends like it isn't and tilts his head to nip at Tony's lips. "I merely do not want you to throw up on my favourite sheets." He smirks at Tony with that smile, that rudely attractive smile, those stupidly blue eyes and then... then Tony realizes what he feels and it nearly takes his breath. His chest feels constricted and his guts are tumbling all around in his belly. Silently, he asks himself: is this lo- no, it's not. It's the bread and cheese. Somehow, Loki manages to grab a bucket from who knows where, he can't tell, but then again, he is busy throwing up all the things that had accumulated in his stomach during his latest drinking binge.

 

"Sorry," he manages to croak but Loki just pats his head and kisses it.

 

"I should be sorry," Loki's smirk hasn't lost its potency when Tony looks up from the bucket with blood shot eyes. "It is within my power to cure you of your ails and yet, there _is_ something delightful about watching you suffer." He gets up and disappears from Tony's field of vision.

 

"You are such an asshole," Tony groans and when he feels he isn't going to throw up again, he slowly lays back on the bed with a shiver. His skin is clammy and his mouth tastes horrible.

 

"I know," comes from Loki, "but if you sit up, I have something that will help you feel better."

 

If it had been Tony, there would have been a dick-in-a-box joke or a dick bow or just him lewdly suggesting Loki suck on this to feel better. However, there don't seem to be too many dick jokes in Asgard as far as Tony has encountered. So, in Loki's hand is a long-stemmed crystal digestif glass and not his dick. Though the idea of putting anything into his mouth right now is quite appalling, but he can probably manage a liquid. Loki helps him sit up and guides the glass to Tony's lips. The amber liquid tastes horrible, cloying sweetness, licorice, and a burn that is sharp and unforgiving.

 

"What the hell is that?!"

 

“Asgardian magical liquor,” Loki winks and places the glass on the bedside table before helping Tony out of the rest of his clothes. Normally, Tony would have welcomed such behaviour but wants to know what he had just consumed and also why everything now feels like it's swimming.  
  
“No really,” Tony's limbs feel suddenly heavy. The fatigue overwhelms him without warning and he can barely manage to lay back down on the bed again. The warmth in his throat spreads to his stomach where it soothes the nausea and the general upset.

 

“Sleep, Anthony,” Loki whispers in his ear and stretches long beside Tony.

 

“Tha's acceptable,” he slurs and manages to touch Loki's chest. And then sleep claims his mind before he can manage to say or do anything else.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my apologies for the delay, I am slowly getting back into the swing of things. It's hard to get back into a routine but emotional healing is slowly starting. Maybe that is why the chapter turned out a little more on the tender side than I had initially intended but I think we all needed a little break from horribly terrible things happening in this fic (especially Tony and Loki lol)
> 
> Next update is scheduled for July 24th


	9. Our Children, Our Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Tony learns a lot and Loki's world falls apart

The first rays of light come through the window of Loki's room and shine across Tony's still closed eyes. The pain sears him as soon as the darkness turns bright red and oh fuck the pain, the pain! He opens his eyes too fast, sits up too fast. The pain is tenfold and his stomach rebels. There is a hand on his shoulder and the feeling passes instantly and gives way to a cool tingling down his neck and spine.

 

“Nice party trick.” He says and opens his eyes. The pain, the nausea, everything is gone. 

 

“I would say good morning,” there's a fucking smile on Loki's face, “but nothing you are currently feeling would be accurately described as good.”

 

“There are some things,” Tony stretches. Aside from the horrible taste in his mouth, he's actually doing pretty well. He slept soundly. And while he does remember that he nearly threw up on Loki trying to initiate sexy times, he also remembers Loki promising him he isn't going anywhere. He is not happy, but for the first time since Loki had stolen his memories, he feels content and that is such a good feeling he isn't going to jeopardize it by talking about it.

 

"By your smile, you remember last night," Loki shakes his head slightly and pulls Tony into a kiss, morning breath and all. Somehow Tony manages not to cringe and if he tastes as horrible as he thinks he does, Loki doesn't show signs of having noticed.

 

"Yeah, well," Tony smiles against Loki's lips once the mental discomfort passes. "I also remember being cockblocked by my intestines."

 

“And whose fault is that?”

 

“Mine,” Tony shifts and pushes himself up to straddle Loki's hips and push the guy onto his back. “But I intend to finish what I tried to start last night.”

 

“Be my-”

 

“We have to go!” Natasha bursts into the room and pauses. “Does this mean you're going to fight less?” That's as much as she allows herself because moments later she is throwing clothes at the bed, insisting that they hurry the fuck up. 

 

“What the hell is going on, Natasha?” Tony reluctantly gets up from his position and frowns as he puts on his clothes.

 

“Odin is returning early from the hunt.” Natasha explains, fairly patient for the circumstances. “Your mother's spies in the lands have seen the hunting party turn back toward the city which can only mean that he knows we're here.”  
  
“So why doesn't he just zap himself here like Loki does?” 

 

“Because our father does not possess the power of magic.” Thor's voice while gentle still feels as though it booms through the room. On the bed, Loki tenses like he hasn't expected to see his brother ever again. “His horses are fast, if he has taken Sleipnir on this hunt. We have but hours, you have to get what it is you seek, Loki, and leave.”

 

“And what do you know of what I seek?” Loki raises an eyebrow and gets up off the bed. 

 

“You seek the Tesseract once more, only now mother believes you are ready for the responsibility it brings.” He pauses. “And truth be told, we haven't got much choice. The enemy draws near faster than father and he will claim what he believes is his. Mother waits for you in the vault. Clint Barton is with her.”

 

“Not to like ruin the moment with my pesky questions, but while I have my memories back, I still don't know what the fuck is going on.” Tony looks from Thor to Loki. “I mean yes, I get the whole keeping the Tesseract safe but there's still your mom who had my memories and why does it feel like wherever we go, something or someone is out to get us?”

 

“Odin took the book containing your memories,” Thor explains. “To teach Loki a lesson.”

 

The glass shatters against the wall moments later. Loki hasn't move a muscle, but his shoulders are tense, his fists are balled. The guy is furious, possibly more furious than Tony has ever seen him. He wouldn't be surprised if Loki just left the room to meet Odin half way to kill him. However, Loki stays put, but the bed side table crackles dangerously. Tony wants to squeeze Loki's hand but no, the guy looks scary right now. 

 

“Odin took the book.” Loki says flat. “How did he know there was a book?”

 

“That I do not know, brother. I merely am telling you what mother told me when I arrived this morning.”

 

“All right,” Loki nods but it definitely isn't all right because the guy is still tense. “I accept that mother wished for you to tell me this, but I do not accept the lie she has told you as his reason.”

 

And here Tony thought that Earth's got a lot of problems with intrigue and lies. Asgard, technologically advanced, still a bunch of lying dicks. Nice. Instead of continuing or pressing Thor for the truth- guy probably has no idea anyway- Loki lets out a long, deep breath and composes himself. 

 

“What do we do now?” Tony asks. He should be angry over the whole book and memory stealing but he no longer has the energy. 

 

“Now, dear Anthony,” Loki smiles, “we steal the Tesseract.”

 

_ *** _

 

Tony isn't surprised that the vault in the citadel is empty. Nor is he surprised to see that it appears most artifacts kept inside have been moved to another location. He's a little bit surprised when he notices Natasha missing as soon as they get through the first door of the vault. He gets it really, with a war possibly being brought to Asgard's doorstep, he agrees with the validity of such a choice. However, this also means they have no idea where the Tesseract is currently hidden and Natasha has gone off without a word to look for it. Or so Tony believes, and by Loki's face, the guy is as clueless as all of them are. There isn't anything to say or do here. It was a good try, but now they have to leave, have to regroup, find Frigga because maybe she knows where the Tesseract is.

 

Frigga's location seems to be a thing Loki knows since he leads them all through hidden pathways and tunnels- and hey, at least they're not gut-punch teleporting- until they emerge outside of the city walls. The tunnels end in a small clearing in a small forest not too far away from where they had entered the city for the first time. Evening is near, Tony can tell by the soft blush hues beginning to spread across the sky. It is incredibly beautiful and once this is over, he is going to insist Loki bring them here for shore leave, vacation, anything that doesn't involve some kind of time dependent quest.

 

What does surprise Tony quite a bit once he's taken in the beautiful landscape surrounding him, is that Natasha is already in the clearing whispering with Frigga. Maybe he should have expected it considering that Natasha had slunk away so quietly. Frigga's smile is soft smiles she sees her sons, Tony, and Clint.

 

"I knew you would come here." She says and nods at Natasha who slips a small parcel into a satchel slung around her shoulders. "We do not have much time. Thor, will you accompany your friend to the bridge."

 

"Hold up," Clint pipes up, "Where are they going?"

 

"Home." Natasha says. "Come, stay, up to you."

 

"You know I only ever came along because you thought this was a good idea."

 

"And now I changed my mind."

 

Clint narrows his eyes and reads all the things Natasha isn't saying. Tony wonders what it is, but it doesn't seem to be the time to ask. They've always had brain-twins kind of connection.

 

"Okay," he says and crosses the distance between them, "I could use a venti strawberry frapp at this point."

 

The parting of their ways doesn't strike Tony until he's watched his friends leave without a word: Thor, Natasha, Clint, all three of them, just walk away and don't turn around. There's a reason he's sure, but he hadn't expected this to be their breaking of the fellowship right then and there. Loki stands beside him, watching after them long after they're gone. Tony's reeling a bit, feeling a little out of sorts. He should have said something, anything. Why does it feel like the world is just happening around him and he has no say in the matter? Oh yeah, because it is. He's about to find his snark and open his mouth when a soft cry comes from his left.

 

The sheer panic in Loki's face when he spins around to look at his mother makes Tony expect the worst. He hadn't- and neither had Loki for that matter- heard anyone approach, but these days that means very little. So, he expects a scene gruesome, horribly terrible.

 

“So we meet again, Anthony of Stark.” A familiar voice, a familiar face, albeit without horns. The guy from-

 

“Vali.” Frigga and Loki speak his name- was that his name?- in ways that couldn't have been more different: Frigga with warmth and Loki with utter disdain. And that's when Tony realizes that Loki knows the guy Tony had randomly hooked up with in a tavern in the middle of a forest that had tried to kill his friends. Fuck, the universe was too damned small. 

 

“Father. Grandmother.” The guy who is apparently called Vali says. 

 

_ Fuck _ the universe. Tony's going home. 

 

“What do you want here?” Loki grits through his teeth. 

 

“Can I not visit a lover?” Tony and Loki blanch at the same time. How Vali gets that close to him that fast, Tony will never know. “After all, I did not, how do you say on Earth? Leave my number.” A glance to Frigga reveals she is watching, but not idly. Her body is tense, ready to intervene. 

 

“You-” Loki turns to Tony, still paler than normal, eyes slightly wide and... the same green as Vali's. Were Loki's eyes not blue? “-with my child?” 

 

And that's when it all falls into place. Loki's got kids. Loki's got kids he's never even mentioned in passing. There is a whole lifetime or two or three or fifty Loki has lived before Tony and all Tony does know about are his most recent escapades. That's when he finds his voice, the voice that he had nearly forgotten. The voice that keeps things from just randomly happening to him. He turns his wrist until he can reach the button on his bracelet with his middle finger. He's done being a passive object in his own story.

 

“Okay, “ he runs a hand over his face, “there are very many things here that _you_ are conveniently not focusing on. Let's start with the most important ones, shall we? “ He stands a little taller. “You, my friend, never said _anything_ about kids. Not even a breath. Nothing. Yeah, yeah, whatever that thing we have is new bla bla bla no one cares. You don't get to not tell me something and then pretend like it's my fault. I don't read minds. And you,” he turns to Vali who looks way too amused. “You're a little shit just like your dad. So what do you do all day? Start up shit? What the hell do you want here?”

 

“Oh please do continue,” Vali just smiles broader, “I believe you, father, were in utter disbelieve that your companion could take such advantage of your helpless, grief-stricken child.”

 

“I have said no such thing.” Loki's brows furrow. “And if I remember correctly, you vowed to never see me again.”

 

“You,” Tony points at Loki, “he gets that wiggly liesmith tongue from you, twisting everyone's words around. Your brother told me about it, I didn't believe it until I met you and now, it's fucking genetic.”

 

“Not all of us were blessed with that particular gift, Anthony. Perhaps it comes from the maternal side.”

 

“ _All_ of us?” Tony feels dizzy. “ How _many_ are there?” Maybe his voice is a little high-pitched, maybe cracking a little. 

 

“Five,” Vali answers before Loki can. “Well technically eight but no one knows what happened to Ash and Ember. Maybe he got rid of them just as he got rid of-”

 

“That's enough, Vali.” Frigga steps between them and Tony wishes she had allowed him to finish that sentence. Got rid of whom and how? He has a million questions to which he's sure he won't get any answers. “Those are wounds that need perhaps a lifetime to heal. You have not come here to instigate mischief, so tell me, what is it that brought you here?”

 

Tony wants to whisper-hiss at Loki that they're going to need to have a talk, but as soon as he thinks about opening his mouth Frigga shoots him a look that tells him to shut the fuck up only in politer terms. Fine, so maybe not now. This shit is fucked up, really fucked up. He just hopes that his suit arrives in time before it escalates.

“Of course, grandmother.” Vali's face softens and he steps closer to Frigga and extends his hand. She takes it and squeezes gently. “I am here with warning.”

 

“Warning? Of what?”

 

“Of Him.” Vali doesn't elaborate, but Loki and Frigga both look struck. Him. The big bad wolf Fury's been talking about. Him. The guy who'd sent Loki to find the Tesseract. _Thanos_.

 

“No.” Frigga doesn't let go of Vali's hand. Tony can't see her face but her voice shakes. “You do not have to follow him. You do not have to repeat your- you do not have to follow anyone. You are family. I will protect you.”

 

Vali laughs. “Oh grandmother dearest,” he smiles and brings Frigga's hand to his cheek. “You were always so caring. I have always cared for you, but this is beyond even your skill.”

 

For a few long moments, there is a pause. Frigga just looks at Vali. Tony think that perhaps they communicate in silence, telepathically maybe, but the scream, that inhuman scream that comes from beside him tears him from his thoughts. He feels detached, the shock far too deep when he realizes it is Loki who screams. It is Loki who starts sprinting toward Frigga and Vali. And it is Vali who smiles, a dagger sunk to the hilt in Frigga's neck.

 

“A mother for a brother.” Vali lets go of Frigga who falls to the ground. “He is coming for you.” 

 

And then he is gone, no flash, no glimmer, Vali simply vanishes and if not for Frigga bleeding on the ground and Loki sinking to his knees beside her, face twisted with anguish and despair, it could be as though Vali had never appeared. A sob escapes Loki's lips and that pulls Tony out of the shock. He rushes to kneel beside them, tearing off the sleeve of his shirt. Pressure. Don't pull out the knife. Pressure. Don't pull out the knife. He frantically repeats those words in his head because if he doesn't, Loki's face will break his heart.

 

“Hey,” he touches Loki's hand gently. “Can you heal her? Or help her until we get her back to the citadel?” That's a lot of blood staining the front of Frigga's dress.

 

“I-” for a moment, Loki looks like he can't pull himself together, like it's all too much. “Yes,” he finally says, voice quiet, “I can.”

 

“Okay.” Tony presses the sleeve against Frigga's neck around the knife. “Okay,” he says again. Okay because it has to be.

 

The spear- Odin's spear- hits Loki's back without warning.

 

“Murderer!” Odin's voice booms as he rides toward them. Beneath Tony's fingers Frigga gasps. 

 

“No!” Loki screams. “I-”

 

“Monster!” Odin jumps off the horse and tears the spear from Loki's back. All Tony can see are shuffling legs- too many for any horse he's known- and hooves the size of dinner plates as the horse dances around them. He couldn't flee if he wanted to. Hands grab him from behind and pull him away from Loki and Frigga. Odin raises his arm with the spear to strike Loki one final time.

 

“NO!” Loki screams. 

 

They are gone and all that remain is Frigga's blood on the moss.

 

“Human!” Odin immediately turns and grabs Tony by the throat and lifts him off the ground. “Filthy mortal vermin, tell me where he's taken her.” The spear is still in his hand and now is pointed at Tony's chest.

 

“I...” Tony can't breathe. “..don't know.” He doesn't, but that is not something that matters any longer. He looks Odin in the eye and knows he's going to die, because someone has to die and he's the only one here. And then, Odin's horse rears up behind him and cracks its dinner-plate hooves on his skull. To his credit, Tony doesn't lose consciousness until he hits the ground. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> life is still ridiculously busy. I currently have two jobs and my next day off won't be until the 12th. So let me aim for the 13th as my next posting date. I know I didn't keep the last one and for that I apologize. Thank you all for bearing with me here, it is greatly appreciated <3


	10. The King is dead. Long live the King.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which: oh god

 

“ _Hey, wake up, you're taking too long. Come on, Tony, wake up, we don't have much time.”_

 

Tony isn't sure he's feeling a hand on his cheek when his mind manages to claw its way from unconsciousness. He hurts. This isn't the first time he's woken up in pain or sick or hungover or- they're going to need to save the universe soon because Tony is getting too fucking old for this. Just five more minutes, he wants to say, but then he remembers Odin and the whole being choked to death thing.

 

“Oh god,” he abruptly sits up and opens his eyes, “am I dead?” 

 

The horse, the monster-sized horse in front of him just looks at him for a beat. Then it clearly has enough of his dawdling because it takes a step forward- with eight legs! What horse has eight legs? None of them! Things that have eight legs? Spiders. Tony hates spiders. The horse doesn't care about his internal monologue and nudges him repeatedly until he stumbles up to his feet.

 

“Okay, okay, I'm up, I'm up. We okay now?” His voice is in rough shape. He looks at the horse. It's Odin's horse and probably not to be trusted. Even if it weren't, it's still a horse the size of a small elephant and not to be trusted anyhow. He can practically see it think from over here. A shiver runs down his spine when the horse cocks its head slightly. Could it read his mind? Are there mind-reading horses in Asgard? 

 

The whinny that comes from the horse just then sounds like it's mocking him. Oh great, he's got himself a pet. Just what he needs. He brushes off his clothes, the dirt off his arm- of course he had to land one the one no longer protected by cloth. As far as injuries goes, he should consider himself fucking lucky. His throat feels bruised and he wouldn't be surprised if Odin had damaged larynx, bunch of bruises and lacerations, but he's alive. Odin's look had promised him death. Odin. He looks around in a panic to find Odin unconscious on the floor. There's a lot of blood around his head, but Tony can see him breathing, fingers twitching every so often. He doesn't have a lot of time. Loki- a swish of its tail and a nicker it brings Tony's attention back to the horse.

 

A horse, a fucking horse thinks it can push Tony around when it nudges him. He stumbles two feet with a particularly hard nudge from the beasts muzzle. Great, he thinks, mauled to death by a horse in Asgard. Not how he thought this would go when he'd first decided to treat Loki with decency. The horse nips at his side when he doesn't move further. Between the shoving and the nipping, Tony's had enough. When the horse comes in again- to bite him in earnest, he's sure- he slaps its muzzle.

 

“No!” He stands his ground. “Bad horse! Bad horse, you're bad!”

 

The moment of silence in which both horse and man stare at each other in shock lasts until the horse begins to whinny and rears up with its head thrown back and if Tony didn't know better, he'd accuse that horse of laughing. Horses don't laugh. Young men who can turn into horses apparently do. Heartily so, with their long, black hair falling down their back. His skin is the same colour as the fur of the horse, eyes the same off amber colour, long face, and limbs, strange, otherworldly, and yet oddly familiar.

 

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” Tony runs a hand over his face and stares at the horse, well guy. 

 

“You must not have much experience with animals, friend.” The voice that comes out of that lanky form is way too strange for comfort. He's got that whole Barry White bass going on, but there's an odd overlay of a shrill sort of screeching, like he's dragging nails over a chalkboard to make his vocal chords vibrate. Wait... follow?

 

“What the hell, you are a humanoid person and you insist on biting me to get me to walk with you?!”

 

“ _He_ cannot see me like this,” the horse-now-person looks at Odin's form, “and mother shouldn't see me like this. But alas, there is no time, your shell arrived while you were unconscious. Hurry.”

 

“My shell-” Tony presses the button on his bracelet again and his armour rises from underneath the bushes at the edge of the clearing. 

 

“Dress yourself and follow me.” It's not a request. It's an order. And Tony isn't sure he wants to find out what happens when he says no. 

 

“Wait,” Tony says as the armour begins to envelop him, “what's your name? Gotta call you something other than horse-turned-dude guy.”

 

“If it will hurry you along,” he says, impatient, “Sleipnir.” And then he turns and where the man had stood, that monstrous eight-legged horse stands for a moment and looks at Tony as though to make sure he got the message. Then it begins to run. Tony doesn't have time to reply. It's not his newest suit, his favourite- okay make that second or third favourite- maybe, but it still doesn't hold power as well as it should under the circumstances. He has to reroute all power to thrusters just to keep up. Fastest fucking horse he's ever encountered. Jarvis assures him structural integrity is within acceptable parameters when they pass Mach One. Tony asks how the fuck that is possible, repeatedly, but Jarvis always have the same answer:

 

“Sir, our instruments are not calibrated to determine the possibility of such speeds in an extraterrestrial equine form.”

 

Fuck that kind of logic. Tony doesn't like it one bit. Not only because of the obvious reasons, but also because he needs a thing to figure out, a scientific puzzle to solve. Without that, all he has is a sinking feeling in his stomach and thoughts that race straight to Loki. He hopes that is where they are heading. Where else would the damn horse lead him? He must have thought out loud because Jarvis begins to recite a laundry list of possibly terrible scenarios.

 

“Not helping, “ Tony finally stops Jarvis and just then, Sleipnir slows to a regular, normal horse-speed trot. 

 

They've long left behind any forest, field, or towering citadel. When Tony lands and looks around, he can see nothing but barren rock. In front of him, there is a mountain range that stretches along the horizon as far as he can see. Loki isn't here, neither is Frigga, or anyone or anything else. So when Sleipnir changes back into his humanoid form, Tony charges his pulsors- against Jarvis' warning of low power levels- and aims them at the guy.

 

“Where the fuck are we?” 

 

“I understand your mistrust.” The screeching is gone from Sleipnir's voice like he's worked in a voice he doesn't use very often. “My brother has lost his honour, too blinded by grief he seeks any outlet possible to hurt mother.”

 

“Your bro- mother?” Tony raises his hands and powers down the repulsors. “ You know what? Don't tell me. I'm okay without knowing anything else about that.”

 

“If that is your wish.” Sleight keeps a neutral face and voice. “To provide an answer to our locations, we are in Iðunn's orchard. “

 

“Yeah okay, you say that like it's supposed to mean something to me. Earth person, remember? Until Loki had the misguided idea to invade, most of us no idea we weren't alone in the universe.”

 

“Iðunn grows the apples that lend those of Asgard- or any whom may eat them- their long lives, virility, and youth. The apple trees are the trees which hold the key to life in this world. Loki seeks to save his mother.”

 

“O...kay...,” Tony looks around. There are no apple trees, or shrubs, not even grass or at the least some lichen. “So, do you see any trees right now?”

 

Sleipnir throws Tony a look of annoyance and if Tony had any doubts that he is- nope, he isn't going there, no matter how much the guy looks like Loki right now. He lifts the faceplate and looks at him with a shrug.

 

“You must take my hand,” Sleipnir extends his and by the look of it, the idea of touching Tony, even in armour, is not a pleasant one. “Your form may have difficulty adjusting.”

 

Difficulty adjusting is one way of putting it. It's not exactly a happy, warm, and fuzzy feeling, but Tony also doesn't feel like he's been punched in the gut. It's more like curtains pull away to reveal that the ground he's been standing on is actually the ceiling. He can see the orchard. They are standing in it. Rows upon rows of lush apple trees but only one bears fruit, gently glowing, golden fruit. And there, at the bottom of the trunk, Loki is sitting, arms wrapped around Frigga. There is an apple by there feet, a bite mark in it, but Frigga is pallid still. Blood has stopped flowing from her wound, the wound has darkened, black marks follow along her veins.

 

“Poison,” Sleipnir says and holds Tony back when he is about to step forward. “Allow them this moment. It is their last.”

 

Tony doesn't want to watch. Loki's hands grip Frigga's so tight as though he can keep her alive by force alone. The despair written in his face, the exhaustion. He must have tried to heal her, brought himself to the very edge of his abilities and yet, his mother still lies in his arms dying.

 

“He can't-”

 

“Some poisons have no cure known to the nine realms.” Sleipnir explains quietly and then falls silent.

 

There is nothing left to say, nothing left to explain. They stand in silence, Tony and Sleipnir, and watch, helpless. Tony wonders if Sleipnir feels as frustrated, as heartbroken as he does. He can't tell, because all the guy does is stare ahead, watching with a face free from any emotion. Tony can't hear the words Loki manages to speak through the tears that flow freely down his cheeks. Tony has a hard time fathoming just how Loki must feel right now. All he remembers of his mother is a phone call and the guilt that never quite went away.

 

Across the orchard, Loki kisses Frigga's forehead, holds her hand, and caresses her hair with the other. The world is quiet around them, no birds, no breeze, nothing. Maybe the world is holding its breath to give these two their final moments together. Frigga smiles and reaches her hand to touch Loki's cheek, but it sinks to the ground before she can touch him one last time and comes to rest beside her as her chest rises and sinks one last time before falling utterly still.

 

What happens next occurs so fast that Tony can barely register. There is a flash of rainbow light, so bright it hurts Tony's eyes. As he raises his arm to shield them, Sleipnir grabs him by the waist and throws him to the ground. His head- and body- connect with the ground so hard that despite the armour Tony can feel his ribs shift and his teeth crack together and tastes the tang of blood and grit of dirt in his mouth. He tries to get up, tries to see Loki, but Sleipnir holds him down despite his struggles. Tony's vision is blurry and he has to crane his neck to figure out what is going on as his eyes tear up to expel the dirt and dust that had found its way into them. Through the haze of tears, he can make out Odin's form, spear raised above his head, trained on Loki who is still sitting on the ground holding his dead mother and for a moment, Tony forgets how to breathe.

 

“Get away from her.” Odin's voice is too calm for the circumstance. “I will not have your filthy blood desecrate her further.”

 

“Why?” Loki tilts his head slightly. “Do you believe your master wishes for you to kill me to prove you are worthy to keep alive because you have lost the Tesseract? Let me assure you, he does not forgive that kind of failure.”

 

“Nature wished you to die long before him,” Odin looks triumphant when Loki hurt flashes across Loki's face for but a moment. “It has always been your destiny.”

 

“You must have known mother would-”

 

“She was never your mother, beast.” Odin smiles. “Your mother left you to die so that your misshapen form would not embarrass the line of Laufey.”

 

Loki doesn't move in that he uses his muscles to propel himself at Odin. Instead, he simply disappears and reappears standing in front of Odin and looks the old man in the eye. Without warning, Odin brings down the spear and what happens after is too fast for Tony to make out. They move at speeds his eyes can't follow. Suddenly there is a scream, from Loki. Surprised, Sleipnir moves his weight which allows Tony to struggle free. He doesn't think, all he knows is that he needs to help Loki, needs to be there for him. He is almost standing up straight when the shock wave hits him, robs Tony of his breath as it flattens the trees around them. Again, Tony is thrown against the ground. It hurts to lift his head. He suppresses a groan when he shifts, his whole body feels on fire. When he finally manages to crawl back to a spot where he can see Odin and Loki.

 

“This is the last time you use me for your bargain.” Loki spits towards Odin. Somehow, he had managed to overwhelm the _Allfather_ and grab possession of his spear. “I believe this is yours.” Loki hands the spear to a perplexed Odin. Beside Tony, Sleipnir grinds his teeth like he's now trying to hold himself back. What the hell is Loki up to? “I believe this is yours, because this?” Loki holds up the sceptre, the Glowstick of Destiny. “This is mine. I used to think it had to touch those it controls, but I am sure you already realize that for once, I was very, very wrong. Good for me though, because I will not desecrate myself further with your filthy blood.” 

 

All colour drains from Odin's face. And Tony's. He knows what comes next. He needs to get up, to get there, to stop them. Stop them now, but everything hurts so much, and if he is honest with himself, if he is really honest, he knows this has to happen. He knows there can't be a higher ground. This is what little closure Loki will get. This is revenge. So, he turns his head away from them, ignores Odin's heavy breathing and whimpers as he no doubt attempts to fight the power of the sceptre. He ignores the sickening crack that follows as metal pierces bone. He does not turn until he hears the soft thud of a dead body on the ground. The king is dead. All hail the king.

 

When Tony turns his head back, and pushes himself to his feet, Odin's corpse lies in a pool of his own blood and Loki stands beside his mother's body , Odin's staff in his hand, the sceptre discarded on the ground. Gently, he taps the ground beside his mother's feet.

“Be at peace.” Loki whispers and Frigga's body glows golden and dissolves into sparkling flecks of light that rise up into the starry skies until they are lost within the stars above. Tony's sense of awe and bewilderment lasts only as long as it takes Loki to fall to his knees and scream. He screams, hands twisted into claws. He screams and his face is not filled with despair or grief, it is filled with rage and anger. For the first time since Loki had thrown him out of a window, Tony is genuinely afraid of him. The air around them grows cold so suddenly, Tony inhales and on his exhale, he can see his breath. He looks at Sleipnir. The horse stares back at him. Fantastic timing. Really.

 

The next wave of frosty temperatures turns the broken trees around them turn white with frost and the orchard transforms into a winter garden. Tony knows Loki is able to channel the power of Jotun artifacts, but he did not know that Loki no longer needs them. There is a lot Tony does not know about Loki and when this is over, maybe they'll sit down or a very long talk. Maybe. If Loki decides not to kill everyone who approaches him. Around them, wood creaks and shifts and cracks with the sudden temperature drop and snow falls covering the world in a soft, silent blanket. In the middle of all this kneels Loki, and now that the rage has passed, he looks confused, tired, and utterly alone. That's when Tony, who should be more afraid than he had ever been, loses his fear.

 

“Hey,” he steps toward Loki with the intention of saying something apologetic, witty, or really anything. Instead, he clutches his side with pain. He's getting too old for this, especially now that he suspects three broken ribs and his body chooses to remember that he hasn't had a drop of alcohol in over ten hours. So now, he's hurting and sweating and nauseated and dizzy and next time someone suggests rehab before saving the world again, he might actually do it. 

 

“Little help,” Tony manages because fuck, the fifty or so feet between them all of a sudden become too far for him to walk. Not that he means to fall to his knees. He doesn't quite think it's time to be that melodramatic, but his legs are telling him to fuck off and there isn't enough energy left in the suit to keep him standing. 

 

“Anthony!” Loki's voice shakes and Tony can hear him scramble to his feet and rush over. The guy's sanity doesn't appear to be able to digest another death today. Good thing Tony isn't planning on dying. He's just sore and exhausted. He should probably say that out loud.

 

“Oh hey,” he manages to smile. God, he's so tired. “I'm okay, I promise. Alcoholic. Withdrawals. Old man. Need a moment. I'm fine.”

 

“I am sorry.” Loki says and it sounds like he's crying but Tony can't see his face because somehow he's on the ground. “I didn't-”

 

“Really, I'm fine. I'm here. Was going to help you but you seemed to have that fight under control. Did notice your fancy new powers though, ever thought of a life in crime fighting? I know this group of rag-tag superheroes who would love for you to join them.”

The noise Loki makes is a mixture between a sob and a laugh. Tony still can't see him when he feels himself lifted to a sitting position braced against Loki whose hand touches the armour over Tony's hand.

 

“Remove the casing from your hand.”

 

And because touching seems like a really nice idea right now, Tony does and tries to reach for Loki's face. However, the guy is having none of that and instead guides Tony's hand to something hard and cold and -usually he's up for anything but this doesn't seem the time for- protruding from Tony's chest. He frantically shifts to look down. From his chest protrudes a large shard of ice. From his  _ arc reactor _ protrudes a large shard of ice.

 

“Well that explains why I'm tasting pennies.” Tony turns to look for Sleipnir. “You could have said something or whinnied or fuck, tapped a hoof three times before you let me walk out here! Fucking horses.” 

 

“Horses?” Finally, Tony can see Loki's face beside him. He looks puzzled, worried, and then he looks as though he's figured it out. “Oh.” It's all he says and his hand is on Tony's chest and it feels cool and warm at the same time much like the sensation he had felt early this morning when Loki had healed his hangover. 

 

“'s how I got here.” Tony tries to explain but he's having a very hard time staying awake.

 

“No no no,” Loki's hand is cool on Tony's cheek. “You must stay awake, no awake, eyes open, I mean it, Anthony.”

 

Loki's voice is far away, slipping through Tony's fingers like sand or water or his thoughts. He doesn't feel upset or panicked when the world begins to fade into white around the edges of his vision. He's tired anyway. It's okay to go to sleep. He deserves a nap. He closes his eyes with a soft sigh.

 

Finally.

 

Rest.

 

“This is a terrible idea. I can't believe you're making me do this.” Loki's voice is suddenly close and loud beside his ear. Before Tony can react beyond the initial startled gasp, Loki's lips press against his and Tony chokes and sputters when he tastes apples, feels bits of- oh that's disgusting- chewed apple on his tongue. Yet, he swallows instinctively and that's when everything changes.

 

It isn't the kind of change anyone expects. It's not a punch in the gut or a magical girl transformation by moonlight. Tony would be hard-pressed to describe it in words. Words aren't a thing that applies in this case. The pain is gone, not because it disappears but rather because it feels like a distant memory of something he may have once heard. He's no longer drenched in sweat and now, Loki holds the apple to his lips and Tony bites down. It's not a particularly delicious or juicy apple. In fact, it's a bit mealy and dry, but with every bite he doesn't feel a surge of power or anything that silly, he just feels as though this is how he had always felt. He knows he hasn't but he can't for the life of him remember what his body and mind felt like before this. Maybe it's Asgard's variant of crack or E or whatever, he doesn't care. At this point he's going to believe that Loki isn't trying to give him something that will kill him, especially considering he kind of seems to have been dying there for a few minutes.

 

When Loki pulls the shard from his arc reactor, he whispers something Tony can't make out, but he can feel his wound close- and if that isn't the strangest feeling he's ever had, he isn't sure what could be odder. They sit there for a while as Loki peels Tony out of his busted suit. It's a little scary watch the guy _peel_ the damn suit like a fucking banana. But hey, here they both are and that shit's happening. They're going to have to go back to Earth to get Tony another suit. They're going to have to leave here for many, many reasons. Tony's mind spins when he finds that he can't hang on to a train of thought for more than a few minutes.

 

"It's all right." Loki smiles. "Mortal bodies are not used to be so close to immortality. Your mind will adjust."

 

"Kay," is all Tony can say because Loki's lips are gorgeous and really they should get back, especially since the sceptre is still here and so isOdin's body and he's pretty sure they're still being hunted by someone at this point. And where the hell did Sleipnir go? Tony sits up a little too fast and looks around.

 

"We are alone, Anthony, but I fear we will not be for much longer." Loki looks at Odin's corpse. "No doubt Heimdall has alerted someone by now. Thor perhaps since he is next in line to the throne." Loki shrugs and helps Tony stand. He shrugs. _Shrugs_ like nothing fucking happened. Like he hasn't just held his dying mother and killed his, well, father. Like he hasn't just nearly killed Tony. Of course it had been by accident but Loki's face, that amount of guilt. He can't just go around pretending like nothing's happened.

 

"Hey," he touches Loki's arm, "you're not okay. You don't have to pretend like you are."

 

“Anthony,” Loki sighs and turns to face Tony with a sad smile, “if I do not, I fear I will lose what little sanity I have left.”

 

“Okay.” Tony gets it. He's put on that brave face more times than he cares to admit. Gently, he squeezes Loki's arm. They still have to save the universe and Loki's still their best chance at doing that. “You need anything, a hug, alcohol, a sparring match, you just tell me. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.”

 

This time, Loki's smile is almost genuine. “Let's go home.” He says and Tony isn't sure what to expect. Whatever it could have been, he doesn't expect to blink and find himself in his own living room- looking like a big battle hadn't occurred there, someone cleaned up- Natasha and Clint sitting on his couch speaking quietly with Steve. When Clint spots Tony and Loki he gets up and walks into the kitchen.

 

“I'll put on more coffee.”

 

Natasha looks at Loki and his sceptre and pulls a satchel from under the couch and places it on the coffee table. Quietly, Loki steps toward them and places his sceptre beside it. By the look she gives him, Tony figures she's at least deduced some of what happened. Not that it's hard to do. They both look worse for wear and Loki, well Loki's face still breaks Tony's heart and he has no idea what he can possibly do to help him heal.

 

“That's two then,” Natasha says and looks at Steve, “the gauntlet was lost, but without the stones, it is useless. If we can find the third one, Frigga has given me data that's supposed to be able to find the place it was hidden by Bor and Odin. Tony, can you program Jarvis to extract the algorithms?”

 

“What?” Tony hasn't been paying attention. His mind is still unfocused for the most part and the only thing that holds his attention more than a few seconds is Loki. “Oh... yeah, sure. I can do that.” He's not even sure what he's just agreed to.

 

“There's no need.” Steve smiles at them. “Not tonight. It's late and we all could use some rest, including you Natasha. Bruce and Jarvis figured out a detection system, if anyone enters anywhere in the solar system over the next 24 hours, we will know. But for now, we need the rest. Twenty-four hours. That's an order. Now I'm gonna go to grab some take out.”

 

“Shawarma King?” Natasha grabs her jacket from the couch.

 

“Help me carry?” And with that, they both walk to the elevator, and just after the elevator closes, Clint emerges from the kitchen.

 

“Did they just get up and lea- oh shit.” Clint's eyes first fall on the sceptre, then on Loki who is still standing in the living room beside the coffee table, staring off into space. He's somewhere else and judging by the tears glistening in his eyes, he's back in the orchard. “Hey, I'm gonna see if they need help, okay?” The _I'm gonna give you some space_ is silent. “I got my cell if you need anything. Coffee should be ready in a few.” Clint isn't fleeing, but space is good. After all this, explaining what had happened, Tony can barely muster the mental will to force himself to smile. 

 

“Come on,” Tony finally says and takes Loki's hand, “shower and a nap. We'll see how the world looks after.” 

 

Tony had meant for them to shower together, but Loki walks past him, to his room, the room that had been his cell and lies down on the bed there. Okay, maybe shower later. They aren't that grimy anyway. Quietly, Tony follows into the room and closes the door behind him. The only light in the room is the light of the city outside. For a few beats, Tony stands beside the bed still feeling incredibly helpless.

 

“Tell me if you want me to leave.” 

 

Silence.

 

Slowly, Tony sits down on the edge of the bed and slides in place behind Loki. He hesitates to wrap his arms around him and for a moment, his hand hovers awkwardly until Loki shifts and entwines their fingers. As relief washes over Tony, he lets his head sink deeper into the pillows and closes his eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am feeling incredibly accomplished about keeping this deadline yay! Technically, I am supposed to finish the marvel_bang in two weeks, but that would mean neglecting this story and I really don't want to neglect it any further. What I think I will do is drop out (and sign up as an artist instead) and focus on this and the frostiron minibang I am working on and start posting the marvel_bang story here after this one is finished :) 
> 
> See you on the 20th with the next chapter :D


	11. If Your Heart is Still Wide Open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which we're inside Tony's head. Way inside Tony's head.

Tony wakes with a start after a barrage of disjointed nightmares. He isn't sure what finally pushed him over the edge to waking up- and whatever it was, it has faded into the shadows of his subconscious. He sits up slowly realizing he doesn't hurt, doesn't feel like death, battered, beaten, like he's almost died or worse like he's been sober for 24 hours or more- if time works the same across worlds. The point is: he hasn't felt this well waking up in nearly half his life.

 

He doesn't expect Loki still curled up beside him sound asleep. That's not the kind of relationship they have. Yet, there is a hint of a pang in Tony's chest when he looks at the empty spot beside him. It's cold. Loki has been gone for a while. Whether he is still in the penthouse, well that's something Tony's going to find out, because after all this, he's still not sure what to expect from Loki. Sometimes, it feels like the guy does things just because people expect the opposite of him. A quick enquiry with Jarvis assures him that Loki is still on the premise and that if he had taken a moment to listen, he would have heard the shower upstairs.

 

“Don't be ridiculous, Jarvis, that shower is-” _upstairs, on the other side of the building_ he wants to say but the soft rush of water reaches his ears. “How is that possible?” He can also hear the grandfather clock tick upstairs, the fridge hum in the kitchen, and the TV still going in Clint's room. This is going to get overwhelming fast. 

 

“Your vitals indicate that whatever you ingested last night has an effect on your nervous system, digestive tract, everything right down to your DNA.”

 

“So, that apple made me near-immortal like Thor and Loki?” Tony can live with that. He's pretty amazing and his mind should stick around another couple of hundred years.

 

“Sir, that would be impossible.” Jarvis doesn't laugh and can't smirk and yet Tony hears _something_ close to mockery in his voice. “I have run diagnostics all night and have come to the conclusion that the apple's compounds bind with DNA to increase cell production. Human DNA is not compatible with this process.”

 

“So, it's going to kill me?” Immortality or death, everything and everyone tries to kill Tony these days. He isn't even surprised anymore.

 

“Not quite that dramatic,” Jarvis assures, “the effects will simply taper until they are gone. Judging by the rate of decay , if it is a steady decline, you will see a return to your normal human capabilities within a few days. Until then, I suggest you enjoy your heightened senses, strength, speed, and _virility_. 

 

Did Jarvis just encourage him to get his rocks off? He jumps out of bed

 

“ThanksJarvisturnoffsurveillanceupstairsandputasockonthedoor.”

 

Tony only nearly trips over the table in the hall and up the stairs to his bedroom. He tries not to think. Thinking is bad. It's just him and Loki and nothing else will matter. Not right now. Right now needs to be in the moment. This moment. All Tony has to do is to let go of everything and step through the bedroom door and make his way to the bathroom. That's all he has to do. Step through the door and forget everything that happened over the past few days, everything that's happened over the past year. If he steps through that door, he is letting go of that past, letting go of any residual anger, despair, and confusion. If he steps through that door, everything will change. Everything will change.

 

He takes a deep breath. It shouldn't be this hard to walk through a door. It's symbolic, sure, but he's had a lifetime of bullshit he's ready to forget and yet, his hand hovers over the door handle as he tries to figure out why he can't bring himself to get it on with and just walk through the door. Hell, there's a naked Loki in there waiting for him. Maybe this has to do with the apples. His brain does feel like it's currently running extra miles a minute. Tony's hand shakes as his mind conjures the insanity of the past day, Frigga's death, Loki no doubt forcing Odin to impale himself. How did he-

 

All of a sudden, the weight of his mind lifts. The uncertainty is gone as fast as it had overcome Tony. Nothing matters. He's going to go through that door and everything will be back to normal. It's okay. He can do this. He will do this. He is doing this. Tony's hand pushes down the door handle and he steps through the door, mind utterly at ease, content to have made it. This is what he's meant to do. Walk through the door and find Loki, his Loki. Everything will be okay. Now all he has to do is walk into the bathroom, which he does, mind utterly at ease, content to have made it. Why? He tilts his head and looks at Loki. Why is he doing this?

 

Loki stands naked in the circular tub, under the rain shower head and Tony is having a sense of deja vu. Only this time instead of rinsing suds from his hair, Loki is standing under the water, relaxed and facing Tony, gorgeous and incredibly hard. In his hands, he holds his sceptre, and then Tony understands.

 

"You are a fucking asshole." The content feeling, the easy mind, it disappears completely. "That is not cool."

 

"You took too long to make up your mind to walk through two simple doors." Loki smiles and drops the sceptre on the floor beside the tub. Did he seriously shower with the damn thing? "And I've already waited for you to wake up for close to an hour. It's a miracle I have not turned into a prune."

 

"It's not a damn joke." Tony feels annoyed, maybe even angry. "I remember what you did with that last time."

 

Loki's face falls. Of course it does. God damn it. The idiot hadn't thought of that, now had he. Too fucking horny to think straight apparently. Tony runs a hand over his face. In a sane world, he'd give Loki a piece of his mind. In a sane world, he would then walk away. In a sane world, he would not pull his sleeping shirt over his head and toss it in the general direction of the laundry basket. It's not a sane world. It's not a fair world. And the guy obviously hadn't planned to coerce Tony into sex using his mind control mojo. Tony can forgive that. He has to, because, fuck, he's done with shitty things happening. He's done with tragedies.

 

"Next time," he says finally, "don't wait here. Wake me up. Doesn't even have to be gentle, just don't, _that_." He points at the sceptre. He doesn't say that he's not sure how long they have left together or even alive to have to doubt whether or not he's doing shit out of his own free will, because he's done with darkness and despair. He looks at Loki, still standing in the shower but he's not the cocky, statuesque god he had been when Tony entered the bathroom. It hits Tony hard when he realizes he's just a guy trying to cope with loss and no idea what to do. They don't have any idea what they're doing. Loki's grand scheme is nothing but smoke and mirrors and the hope that something he does will keep them alive longer.

 

He crosses the distance between them and hops on the tub's edge to stand and kiss Loki. And Loki lets him, rests a hand on Tony's hip to keep him steady and kisses back. _Because he wants to._ Tony closes his eyes and presses his nails into his palm to keep the fear and sadness, the darkness and despair from resurfacing. He presses hard enough to think he may start to draw blood, because he wants to lose himself in the kiss, but he can't. Loki's hand finds his and with a soft touch, he slides his fingers against Tony's palm, uncurls the first, and laces their fingers together. He doesn't smile when he leans his forehead against Tony's chest.

 

"Forgive me," he whispers, "I- I'm not-" He breaks off and Tony doesn't blame him.

 

"You've gone through hell." Tony says and squeezes Loki's hand gently. This is going to be only time he's ever taller than Loki and he gently cards his free hand through Loki's hair. It's so long now. "You've done things that would rob a lesser person of their sanity, but all things considered, you've got your shit together."

 

Loki laughs against Tony's chest. It's hollow. "I don't know what the fuck I am doing. I've wasted a year thinking I could protect you, protect all of you when, I fear, all I did was waste what precious time we had."

 

"No more guilt," Tony kisses the top of Loki's head. "You thought you were doing the right thing and hell, maybe it would have been easier for none of us to remember this shit. We've been on borrowed time for a while, but that doesn't matter right now."

 

There's a silence and for some reason it's awkward. Why is it awkward? He looks down at Loki. And then, Loki chuckles and leans back a little to look at Tony, an eyebrow raised, lips a small smirk. "Your words, well, if I could not feel your arousal against me, they would strike a different way."

 

“All your fault,” Tony tilts Loki's head back further and steals a kiss. Slowly his brain settles down again. “All naked, waiting for me.” 

 

Since Tony had his memories returned, they'd barely touched, barely kissed save for an ill-fated attempt when Tony was drunk out of his mind. It's been over a year since they've touched like this, since Tony's felt Loki's mouth against his neck, felt his hands on his back pulling him closer, off the tub ledge,  _ into _ the tub, but Tony doesn't care he's getting soaked because he's kissing Loki, who tastes like rain and ice and mint, spearmint. He smiles into the kiss because Loki's so stolen his toothbrush and somehow, that makes everything better. When Loki finally breaks the kiss, he looks down on Tony with blue eyes, water dripping down his chin, tiny droplets bead on his eye lashes. Blue eyes, not green. Tony runs his fingers through his wet hair and when he opens his mouth to speak, Tony stops him.

 

“If you're going to apologize for something, save your breath. Anything else, go ahead.” Tony watches Loki close his mouth and narrow his eyes. “Now, question,” Tony runs his hand over Loki's back, resting on the curve of his ass. Loki tilts his head. Tony wants to know what the deal is with the eyes, with the shape shifting, what Loki looks like without all the pomp and circumstance, but on second thought, when Loki's lips part slightly, his chest rises and sinks heavily, his erection rests against Tony's hip, fuck it. No one cares anyhow. “Tub or bed?”

 

Relief spreads across Loki's face but for a moment. Yeah, not saying anything? Great idea because next, Tony feels Loki tug at his pants and he braces himself for hot, desperate, rutting bathroom sex. That's what they're all about: desperately trying to connect to each other through sex, because they don't know any other way. He expects to be bent over the tub, hard, fast, oh god yes in all the ways he loves. There's a pause when he steps out of his pants and Loki looks at him for a very long while. At least it feels long when one expects dirty, filthy sex about to happen.

 

“Bed.” Loki finally says and steps out of the tub, mindful to take Tony's hand and tug him along. 

 

“What-” Tony wants pull Loki close, ask him what he's up to, but he doesn't get a chance to finish his thought out loud. Loki pushes him firmly onto the bed. 

 

“You are correct,” Loki slides onto the bed, on top of Tony, why hello there, Tony can work with this, “we may not live through this.”

 

That look, that fucking look on Loki's face when he tilts his head ever so slightly and then drags his tongue across Tony's chest still fucking looking him in the eyes. And shit if that doesn't go straight to his dick. Not where Loki is heading and fuck- Tony moans when he feels Loki's teeth scrape against his neck and sink into his skin, not enough to draw blood. When he sucks Tony's pulse, Tony knows he's going to sport marks for days. And that's just- he shifts and isn't gentle when he pulls Loki up, kisses him hard because fuck, they're drowning, they're drowning in this forsaken circumstance of trying to save the universe.

 

It's not fair. Tony cards his fingers through Loki's hair, tangles them, pulls until Loki hisses into the kiss but doesn't stop him. It's not fair they're probably going to die and even if they don't, whoever they are will be so broken that picking up the pieces would be a useless feat. And right now, when Loki shifts the kiss from rough to tender, when he sits back and pulls Tony up with him, Tony doesn't want to be a superhero. He doesn't want to save the universe. Fuck the universe, he wants to take Loki on a date at a swanky restaurant, wants to see Loki in a suit, wants to see Loki laugh and smile and not have to fucking worry about the entire fucking universe.

 

“Stay with me,” Loki looks at him, eyes blue now, or again or still. Tony can't tell and blinks slowly while he tries to come back to the presence. “Your mind runs away with you.” It's not an accusation. He understands. 

 

“What colour are they really?” Because Tony might as well ask now, he's already breaking the moment.

 

“If you mean the form I was born as,” it's a relief that Loki doesn't look offended, “they are red, and I would show you, but Jotun skin is not kind to anyone, especially not humans.”

 

“No freezer burn, got it,” Tony cups Loki's cheek and traces his thumb under his eye. “And before you think it matters to me, it doesn't. I don't care what you look like. I lo-you're hot any way you are.” 

 

Tony's heart pounds heavy in his chest. That slip, that word that almost made it across his lips sealing the way he feels about Loki, the way he shouldn't feel about Loki, or anyone right now. It's not the time, it's not the time, they have to.... have to... oh gods. Tony's brain trails off when he feels Loki's mouth wrapped around his dick, hot and wet and the rest of the world just melts away. 

 

“It would take a lifetime to explain everything about me before I met you, Anthony Stark,” Loki grins against his dick and drags his tongue slow and deliberate and fuck, yeah, okay. “And I would much rather be doing _this_.”

 

“Okay,” Tony sighs and falls back into the pillows, “okay.”

 

Words fail him when Loki smiles that wicked smile of his and straddles him. His brain melts inside his skull when Loki sinks down with a moan, head tilted back, vulnerable, electrified with pleasure. He's here, he's right here, with Loki, with Loki who wants him, who needs him. The world fades into nothing when Tony cants his hips up against Loki, when he presses his fingers into his hip. He can feel and see and hear everything through a hyper-realistic macro lens, ever breath, gasp, moan, every shift, clench, slide, every swallow, tilt and fall. Tony comes with a cry and Loki's fingers digging into his back, the strangled gasp as he comes at the same time and that hits Tony so hard he sees white.

 

***

 

To Thor's credit, he doesn't burst into Tony's room. Instead, he shouts from the living room. How much better that is when Tony startles awake after... less than an hour nap, he isn't sure. Loki on the other hand seems to be used to Thor's shouting and just pulls a pillow over his head, mumbling something that sounds like “Ignore him, he'll go away.”

“Loki, I know you're in there.” Thor's voice comes from outside the door. So much for going away then. “I require your assistance.”

 

Beside Tony, Loki gets up with a groan, still naked, drags himself to the door and oh shit, Tony pulls the sheets higher as Loki opens the door with a long-suffering sigh.

 

“What,” he looks at Thor who doesn't appear to be phased by Loki's nudity, “did you break now?”

 

The bear hug Loki suddenly finds himself in elicits a soft yelp that almost makes Tony chuckle. But then, Thor doesn't let go and Loki doesn't struggle and instead grips Thor's shirt, that's when Tony realizes that oh yeah, brothers, brothers who lost their parents. He wonders if Thor knows about Odin, if he knows what Loki had to do. When Thor whispers softly in Loki's ear, it gets a little awkward because hey, Tony's still here, naked on the bed, barely covered by a sheet.

 

And hey, now that he's awake, his brain turns on again, wants him to feel jealous, because everything aside, Thor knows a fuckton more about Loki, more than he lets on for sure. There must have been women, men, a horse? People Loki loved and lost. Things Loki loved to do before he found himself torn out of a comfortable life by Odin's deceptions. The guy probably had hobbies, friends, lovers, music he liked to listen to. And Tony knows none of them. He knows nothing about Loki pre failed-mind-control. Thor could have told him. Thor didn't. Why? Tony understands not telling Fury, or even the other Avengers or SHIELD, but he's more than that, isn't he? Isn't he? Watching Loki and Thor embrace, Tony feels like he's not even in the room, not even a consideration in either of their minds.

 

_It would take a lifetime to explain everything about me before I met you._

 

As much as it is painful to admit through his brain's constant hounding and questioning, what Loki had said is true. It would be a waste of time to try and rehash hundreds of years of life experience. Time that could be well spent living in the moment and enjoying what potentially little lifespan they have left. Instead, if he asked Loki about everything, he would ask about his previous lovers and even if he didn't mean to, his brain would find ways to sow seeds of doubt all over his thoughts and it would destroy them both. Any jealousy going on right now is inside his head, caused by his brain. That's all on him. No one's fault but his own and now that he has his memories back? He has control over that. And since when is he fucking shy? He hops out of bed and leans against the door frame beside Thor and Loki.

 

“Hey not to take away from the moment you have here, but you interrupted lazy post-sex nap time and according to the clock, we still have two hours and thirty-seven minutes before Cap expects us back on the job. So, what's up, big guy? And can it wait two hours and thirty-seven minutes?”

 

Loki looks amused. Thor doesn't. Of course not. He lets go of Loki and turns to Tony.

 

“Heimdall does not answer my calls.” He's quite good at ignoring that they're both naked and that Loki's hair is definitely sex hair. “I wish to ask Loki to bring me to Odin in the citadel. I must tell him that mother's death was not Loki's fault.” 

 

Well, that answers the question of whether or not Thor knows about Odin's death.

 

“I am afraid he would not listen, not even to you, brother.”

 

Right. Only two witnesses to Odin's death and one of them is mostly a horse. There's some kind of moral dilemma here, but even if he is a witness, Tony didn't see the actual death. Loki doesn't give him a conspiring look, no expectation of Tony to lie. Maybe that's what makes it so easy.

 

“He's right.” Tony says, his voice confident. “Your dad threatened to kill me just to find out where Loki went and when I didn't know, he still tried to kill me.”

 

“If that is true, if the All-father decided to end your life, how are you still alive and well?” Tony isn't sure if Thor is mocking him or barely able to disguise his rage. A twitch in Thor's fingers tells him it's the latter. That guy and his temper. 

 

“His horse freaked out. He dropped me and I hit my head on a rock. Probably thought I was going to die anyway, 'cause when I woke up, he was gone.”

 

“Wh-”

 

“Brother,” Loki places a hand on Thor's shoulder and Thor's hand relaxes. “He would have me killed in a fit of blind rage and grief. A thousand of you could not change his mind. If we were in his shoes instead, we would not find mercy in our hearts as well.” And then, things escalate straight into weird when there's a soft blue glow in Loki's eyes for a moment. It reflects in Thor's when Loki speaks. “We need not bother the All-father in his grief. Allow time to pass. Go downstairs. Rest for a while, we will join you soon.”

 

Thor nods. “You are right, brother. “ And leaves without another word, closing the door behind him.

 

“What was that?” Tony's ready to go into a tirade about what the hell, he thought they were past mind controlling here. 

 

“The stone,” Loki says and relaxes against the wall, “we were part of each other once, and it appears the power of the apples has amplified its reach.”

 

That's a lot of new information Tony hadn't expected. He opens his mouth and closes it again. He could argue, question Loki's decision, have a conversation about what exactly happened to Loki during his time with Thanos and the Chitauri. Instead, he closes the distance between them, stands on his toes and kisses Loki, slow and deep.

 

“Never on me.” He says resting his forehead against Loki's. “I know we discussed this in the shower but I need you to promise: never on me.”

 

“I promise.” 

 

Good enough, Tony thinks, grabs Loki's hand and drags him back to bed. “We still have about two and a half hours before Cap wants us in clothes.”

 

They'll pretend later that they fucked like rabbits until Cap knocked at the door, gently reminding them it was time to get back to work. They'll pretend later they never laid in bed, holding on to each other in silent prayer hoping they'll get another moment like this.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are iffy with extra work, applying for a new job (my contract runs out in October), and health stuff (still no diagnosis, more blood work and MRIs yay!). So, I'm thinking September 10th, possibly the weekend before, but it's been iffy (this chapter took two weeks) so I want to give myself time.


	12. Wayward Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Tony finds out more than he has ever wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for gore, torture, excessive violence

“So, let me get this straight,” Tony runs a hand over his face in frustration, “now that SHIELD is slowly piecing themselves together again, we are supposed to sit and wait and only thwart direct attacks on Earth?”

 

“These are our orders.” Steve doesn't look impressed either. “With recent developments, it would be in our best interest to follow them.” He doesn't look at Loki, but that just speaks volumes in and of itself and _that_ makes Tony feel defensive.

 

“You're just back to being SHIELD's whipping boy, then? Is that what's going on?” He wants to get a rise out of Steve, wants to provoke him into a fight. There's no real reason he can think of other than wanting to watch Steve in pain, watch him suffer. That's a little bit out of character, but that's how it is. 

 

Across from him, Steve looks like he's about to give Tony exactly what he wants, fists balled, brows furrowed, jaw tight. It doesn't feel right to be so angry. Over what? SHIELD? Having actual orders? The fact that Steve is just as annoyed with the orders should calm him sown, should make him feel like he has an ally and yet.

 

It doesn't matter, he's going to punch him in his smug face.

 

“Okay Loki, that's enough,” Bruce motions for Loki to close the box he is holding in his hands. The rage Tony felt disappears immediately. 

 

“That,” Tony sorts his mind for a few moments, “that was nothing like the thing you did with the door yesterday.”

 

“Be specific.” Bruce reminds him. This is for science after all.

 

“I didn't know why I was mad, but it didn't matter. At one point I realized me actions? Probably out of character, but I didn't realize it was someone else doing it. I didn't care what anyone thought, didn't remember you two were even here. “

 

“What about you, Ste- are you all right?” Bruce puts the tablet down and reaches for a medical scanner he'd weaselled from one of the SHIELD labs.

 

Steve stands there, fists still balled and stares at the wall for a while. Tony looks at Loki to see if he's still controlling Steve with the stone, but Loki shakes his head. He does look at Steve like he knows something, but he isn't sharing with the class right now.

 

“How could I not feel you inside my head?” Steve finally says. He's pale, very pale. It's enough to elicit a worried from from Bruce. “Barton knew exactly what was going on with him, but I didn't even get that inkling Tony had. If you'd ordered me to kill him, I would have.” He stops and takes a few breaths. “How the hell does Clint cope?” He looks at Loki. “And how does he not constantly want to kill you?”

 

“It's because he knows.” Loki says and stops as soon as he has started. 

“Knows what?” Tony speaks aloud what they all think and suddenly everything in the room changes. There's a silent rage emanating from Loki as he puts down the box without looking at any of them. 

 

“Nothing.” Loki's voice is tense through clenched teeth as he leaves the room.

 

“What was that?” Steve looks at Tony.

 

“You're asking me like I'm supposed to know.”

 

“Well,” Steve shrugs, “he is your boyfriend.” Tony chokes.

 

“My what?” He barely manages. Barely. Steve just completely blindsided him and his brain has no idea how to process that. 

 

“You are in a monogamous romantic relationship, are you not? I'm pretty sure that colloquially this makes the other part of your relationship, in this case Loki, your boyfriend.”

 

Tony makes a high pitched noise and Bruce isn't helping when he almost bursts out laughing. Though he does come to Tony's rescue when he's composed himself again.

 

“I don't think they've defined that yet.” He manages.

 

“Hey whatever words for you.” Steve smirks like the asshole he is. “However, we don't have a lot of time before SHIELD figures out we have two of the stones and comes knocking on our door asking questions we don't want to answer.”

 

“And once SHIELD knows,” Bruce nods, “that news is going to spread like wildfire, especially once they find out we have lost access to the gauntlet. For all we now, it's still safely in Asgard, but the fact that we can't go back doesn't bode well for us.”

 

“And if Loki goes, we risk the only person we know capable of handling at least one of the stones.” Tony adds with a sigh. Some clusterfuck this is turning out to be.

 

“Either way, they're not going to be happy.” Steve reaches for a towel to wipe the sweat from his forehead and neck. He seems to recover well enough if he can crack stupid jokes about stupid things. “Doesn't matter what we do. If they find out we have the stones, they will attempt to take them from us and we can't afford to fight two fronts.” The _I'm not sure we can fight this single front successfully either_ is silent. 

 

“I'll go talk to him.” Tony offers. He might as well, because now that Steve dropped that kind of commitment on them he has to-

 

“I'll go.” Bruce interrupts his train of thought. 

 

That's a surprise. It's also a surprise when Steve nods like they're in on something Tony isn't part of. That's a feeling he doesn't want to revisit, but before he can open his mouth, Steve shakes his head and motions for him to wait. And then, Tony realizes. They don't have to say anything to include him. Steve doesn't even have to look at the control console for Tony to understand. Bruce may be trying to talk to Loki alone but that doesn't mean they can't listen just in case things go South with Hulk making an appearance- son of a bitch, Tony thinks. They're really trying to test Loki's powers now. Audio only, the cameras still light up when in use and Tony assumes Loki isn't in on this test. Maybe he should stop this, but with all that's at stake here...he sighs and asks Jarvis to listen in on the room.

 

“Unless you have brought me the beast to spar, “ Loki's voice oozes contempt, at least that's what he's pretending it to be. Tony can hear the small waver of fear.

 

“Last time, that didn't work out so well.” Rustling of fabric, Bruce must have sat down on one of the chairs.

 

“I have grown stronger since.” Defiance, but why? They're all on the same team now.

 

“Yeah, I noticed that.”

 

“Why are you here?”

 

“All right,” Bruce sighs, “let's cut out all the crap then. What just happened in there?”

 

“It is none of your-”

 

“Oh but it _is_ if my concern, Loki.” Bruce barely raises his voice, but it still had that edge, that edge which spells out danger. “Next time you walk out because something displeases you, it might be during a battle and your actions end up getting Tony injured, or worse, killed.”

 

“What if I solemnly swear I-”

 

“What happened in there?”

 

“Your beast knows. I am surprised he has not told you yet. Could he be keeping things from you, Dr. Banner?”

 

“You know he doesn't like it when you call him that.”

 

“Perhaps you should let him out and allow him to tell me in person.”

 

“The more you talk, the more I think you actually want him to-” Bruce falls silent mid-sentence and Tony really wants to know what just happened.

 

“And there you are.” Another silence, a few beats longer. Then, Loki's voice sounds almost like they are in the same room. “For the audiences listening in, a recap: as Anthony Stark has just found out that his dear _lover_ picked a fight he could not win to free himself of the same fate that had befallen Anthony's dear friend, the Hawk. I-”

 

Tony slams his hand on the comm button before he can stop himself.

 

“All this time you knew New York wasn't your doing and you said _nothing_?” 

 

“Ah,” Loki's voice is, Tony can't place it, “welcome to the conversation Anthony.”

 

“You knew I was listening.”

 

“An idiot would have known you were listening.” Tony can practically hear Loki roll his eyes. “Well, perhaps not Thor, but alas-”

 

“Not to interrupt,” Bruce clears his throat. “but it's a leap from being controlled by something to knowing how to control it.”

 

“And you would like to know how I do it, Dr. Banner, is that what you are asking?” Loki's voice is soft, smooth, like a balm. 

 

“It would he-” the noise from the other room comes sudden, deafening, destruction and chaos when a familiar roar echoes through the walls.

 

“HULK SAY NO! BAD LOKI! SPEAK NOT SHOW!”

 

Tony runs through the door despite Steve's warning shouts. Vaguely, he can hear him call out Hulk containment protocol but that doesn't matter right now. Loki's willingly picked a fight with Hulk. Again. And testing his powers or not, it does not sound like he's doing well. Hulk's been cooped up since he'd beat Loki through the streets of the city. The sickening dull thud of a body hitting the wall is followed by Hulk tearing through a table and chairs to get to Loki again. Loki who crouches on the floor and tries to shake off the hit he'd just suffered.

 

“Sceptre, Anthony!” He shouts and for a few beats Tony doesn't get it. “Sceptre! Now!” Yes, right! 

 

“Cap!” He turns toward the door just in time to catch the sceptre and use its momentum to trow it to Loki who catches it just as Hulk picks up a table to crush him with it. The room doesn't physically change when Loki catches the sceptre. No lights dim or blow out; there is no magical haze or fog that descends upon the room. Nevertheless, it feels like the world around them fades out and all Tony can focus on is Loki and Hulk. He doesn't know what to expect, but it isn't Loki easily raising his hand to catch one of Hulk's arms and quietly telling him “Stop.” Less than that does he expect Hulk to pause, not exactly stop but it's enough for Loki to move and gently touch Hulk's chest.

 

“I apologize, my big fellow,” his voice is calm as Hulk's eyes soften, “but your formidable mind is a much greater test of my ability than theirs.”

 

For a moment, they stand there, staring at each other. They stand, both completely relaxed but for the small twitches in their faces as they concentrate. A silent battle rages between them. A battle Loki wins when Hulk snorts and puts down the table.

 

“Sleep.” Loki's voice is still gentle. Tony's hand is on his forehead when he watches Hulk slowly lie down on the ground and fall asleep, shrinking back to the familiar form of a now naked Bruce. 

 

“Okay,” Tony recovers pretty fast all things considered and picks up a chair off the floor. “Sit down, we're going to have a serious discussion about what you can and can't do and what did and did not happen during the invasion.” He sits down and stares at Loki until the guy- albeit with great reluctance- sits down across from him on a chair in a room that the Hulk had just destroyed, Bruce sleeping in a corner and Steve most likely calling off Hulk protocols. Tony watches Loki for a while. He's shut down again, of course. Face impossible to read. Body language defensive at best. Apparently Tony will have to start this then.

 

“New York wasn't your idea then.”

 

“It was not.” Loki's facade cracks and he looks uncomfortable, but he isn't leaving either. 

 

“So the mind control mojo works on you too then.”

 

“It does. Or rather it did.”

 

“How?”

 

And Loki tells him in minutiae of science Tony has only just begun to figure out. At first he listens but then...

 

“You're just trying to derail this conversation.”

 

“Do you blame me for trying?”

 

“No,” Tony sighs, “and to be honest, I would much rather drag you upstairs and sexy spank you until you're oh so sorry but we're running out of time.”

 

“If you want me to _tell_ you what happened to me, I cannot.”

 

“But you can show me.”

 

Loki nods.

 

“What do you need?” Tony's heart races in ways he hasn't anticipated. Loki, _Loki_ willing to share something about himself. Something he had hidden for so long that not even Thor knew about it. To trust Tony that much. 

 

“You shall never repeat what you see.” Loki looks Tony in the eyes for the first time since this experimentation had started. “Not to Thor, not anyone, not even me.”

 

“I won't.” He's tempted to take Loki's hand to reassure him with physical contact but that isn't what the guy needs. So, Tony just repeats his words and Loki nods and scoots his chair closer.

 

“Do not fight it. Once we have begun, I cannot easily stop.” That's all Loki says before taking Tony's hands, before the world goes dark.

 

_When Tony opens his eyes, he panics. Wind whips across his face, his body hangs above an abyss and the only thing keeping him from falling is the grip he has on the smooth and cold metal shaft of a staff. He's disoriented, tries to look around but he can't, he can't move his body, his head away from Thor who grips the other end of the staff. The feeling of despair, of utter panic consumes him, leaves him unable to process. He can't, he tried, he wanted to make them all so proud but he had failed and this was his punishment. This is what he has to do. It's the only thing he has left._

 

_Falling doesn't feel as such. It feels as though the world disintegrates around him and as it does, the panic wanes slowly until he is left in darkness and in silence. Utterly alone._

 

_The world returns but is out of focus, a vague blur of grey and purple. Tony isn't sure how he fits into the space around him. He feels disembodied, ill, and despite his best efforts, he can't focus his vision. His attempts to struggle fail; his body moves without permission straining against-_

 

_The realization that he's upside down hits Tony so hard all he can see is black as his brain shuts down his sight in a desperate attempt to counter the overwhelming vertigo. He wants to shout for help, to scream but his mouth is disconnected from his body. And then, just as he feels panic taking him over once more, the world calms down. His vision returns and now he can see. Still, the world faces the wrong way, but the grey comes into focus as the rocks of an asteroid belt floating in purple, black, and orange space among constellations Tony doesn't recognize._

 

“ _Put him down, pet.” A voice slithers into his ears. Gently, and very slowly, the world turns right side up again. Tony cannot see the owner of the voice, only a long staircase of rock leading to another asteroid._

 

“ _Where am I?” What is this place?” Tony speaks with a voice that is not his own._

 

“ _Oh dear Princeling,” there's a chuckle in the deep bass, “you are where you belong.”_

 

“ _And who are you to make such decisions for me?” He stands defiant, scared but not enough as that he would shrink from an unseen presence._

 

“ _Who am I, Loki, Son of Laufey?” Hearing that name, that title, it makes his hairs stand, his stomach tighten until he can taste bile. “I am your future. They will call you Loki, Son of Thanos and you, you will call me father.”_

 

“ _My father? I killed my father. I demand-”_

 

_ The pain is sudden in his chest. Breathing in an instant becomes nearly impossible. He gasps for air through the pain, writhes to get away from it but he is pinned in place. Something moves  _ inside _ his chest. He looks down in horror when a beast, a worm the size of his forearm with razor teeth slithers from a hole in his chest with a wet, lurching sound as blood and air fill the cavity it's left. Pain sears again as it presses into his abdomen, squirms into his intestines. He feels sick, wants to scream but when he opens his mouth, he throws up blood and bile and chunks that are- his throat feels thick and heavy as  _ something _ glides up what is left of his oesophagus. He loses consciousness before he can feel the worm break his jaw as it slides from his mouth. _

 

“ _Hey,” a whisper, a woman, “wake up.”_ _He is not dead then. The pain is gone and nothing but a distant memory. His mouth is dry and his eyes burn when he opens them slowly, but he is alive. Alive and still strung up by his arms and legs. The binds are soft and warm and ripple with every moment. He doesn't need to look to know what they are._

 

“ _Why are you doing this?” His voice is hoarse._

 

“ _Who are you?” She asks in return as she brings a cup of water to his lips. A gentle gesture he knows will end unwell, but his body is desperate for liquid and so he gulps it down. Her black eyes watch him closely and in another life, Tony would have remembered her. “Who are you?” She repeats and he doesn't want to answer her. If she won't answer his questions, why should he answer hers? He resolves to stay silent, but something urges him to speak, convinces him she needs to hear who she is because if she does she will know exactly what he wants to know. It doesn't make sense, but he speaks regardless._

 

“ _I am Loki,” he clears his throat. His voice is weaker than he wants it to be. “Loki of As- Jotunheim.”_

 

“ _She likes you.” The woman smiles. “She saw you fall and begged her sister to save you. Unlike my sisters, they are kind to each other. Will you be kind to me?” Her hand is on his face, a warm touch, a gentle caress, and above all Tony wants to lean into it, wants to be close to someone to get away from the helplessness, he horrors he's enduring._

 

“ _I...,” he can't form his thoughts the way he wants to, something is wrong here. He shouldn't_ want _this woman he's never before seen. “I don't know who you are.”_

 

“ _Ugh!” The backhand hurts and Tony can feel his lip split, blood running down his chin, pooling under his tongue. “It's not working, daddy!”_

 

“ _You have no patience, Nebula.” That deep voice is a growl now, so low Tony can feel it in his bones. “She respects his strength. She knows who he used to be, what potential he has.”_

 

“ _But what good is that if he doesn't remember? You promised me a brother!”_

 

“ _Leave us.” The voice commands without change to its tone. To Tony's surprise, the woman bows her head and disappears from his vision. And when she is gone, Tony can hear a smile in it. “Continue, pet, entertain me.”_

 

_This time, the pain begins to sear in his thigh. Tony wants to pass out, wants to flee the feeling of something under his skin pushing upward, wants to escape the pain, the humiliation. By all that he knows, his body and mind should be weakened enough to be unable to withstand any further torture, but there is a thread inside his mind that keeps him from falling into darkness. A thin blue thread, sanctuary perhaps. It soothes his mind where his body burns. So, he holds on to it, follows it, desperate for safety, escape, anything but this torture._

 

“ _That's it,” the voice is soft and close, so close, as if it lived inside his head, “that's it, my son, let her show you who you are.”_

 

_The thread glows bright, nearly blinding. The flash of images is too much, too fast for Tony to process. Not meant for the human brain. So, he only catches glimpses of what Loki would have seen. The soft embrace of a Jotun woman, her cool kiss. They hold hands as they come together. A wolf chained in a hall beneath a mountain. A little girl whose face Tony cannot see. Her soft, reassuring voice telling him it's alright as she walks down a dark corridor, never to be seen again. A young blonde woman with twin children clutching her skirts. Thor smiling at him. He looks so proud. A cottage in the mountains. It's beautiful, pristine but he feels fear, consuming fear. So much fear he can't breathe. His hands are warm and wet and when he looks down they're covered in blood and- he feels sick as his son's entrails slip through his fingers but he can't stop. He has to touch them, has to use his powers to put him back together, has to save him. Has to save them both. The other twin stands back a few steps, blood staining the pallid skin of his hands and face. He has to save them, his mind repeats in a crazed mantra as he reaches for the child's insides spread around him in the blood stained grass, tries to place them back into the mangled cavity that used to be his son's abdomen. Parts are missing, there are parts missing. How is he going to put him back together if parts are missing? He hears a scream. The blonde woman looks at him, pale and lost, and he realizes the scream is his own. Odin holds a small blue orb and touches him gently. Tony's chest rises and sinks uncontrollably as he can't get enough air. He clutches and claws at the blue thread, let's it enter him, pulls it close, let's it fill his mind until his all his emotions are nothing but maddening rage._

 

“ _Who are you?” The voice asks once more._

 

“ _I am Loki.” Tony spits. “Son of Thanos.”_

 

It is then that Tony's mind can not longer take the terror. He pushes, strains against Loki's power to tell him to stop. The images cease but before him, he can see a thin blue thread.

 

“Don't,” he thinks or whispers, “you promised.”

 

The last thing he sees is a bright green eye, a snake looking deep into him before he is thrown across the room and hits the floor hard. He can feel his shoulder crack under the impact but his mind is clear. All he can do is sit and pant as he tries to work through his emotions. Where does he even begin processing all this? The torture, the memories, fuck all those memories. Loki still sits on the chair, eyes closed, nails digging into his hands until he draws blood. Tony should say something, figure out how to comfort the guy but how the fuck can anything he says now comfort Loki? So, he sits and breathes heavily, watching Loki.

 

“Stark! Rogers!” Natasha's voice echoes over the intercom. “We've got a situation here! The Tesseract just disappeared into thin air!”

 

Panic. Tony can't think of anything but panic. It's gone and if it's gone there's only one place it could have gone. The wrong place. The enemy. If Thanos has the Tesseract, even an all-powerful Loki would not be able to help stop him. As his mind's panic reaches a crescendo, the stone in Loki's sceptre disengages from its bindings with a soft hum and a small blue cube appears beside it.

 

“The sisters who saved his life,” Tony manages to whisper. Natasha can't hear him, but it doesn't matter because the two lights float silently in front of Loki until he looks at them and his body relaxes. They hum softly and the room goes dark but for their glow. “Loki?” He manages but Loki doesn't hear him.

 

He reaches out, and the small lights dance around his hands, his fingers, leaving small glowing trails on his skin. Loki smiles and nods softly as though they are able to converse in silence and light. And then, he holds out his hands in invitation and the lights, the sisters flutter and hum and settle onto his palms and slowly sink into his skin until their glow disappears and the fluorescent lights in the room turn back on.

 

“Are you mad?!” It's not what Tony should say but it's the only thing he can.

 

“Yes.” Loki looks at him, eyes flickering blue as he smiles. “But not has mad as Thanos will be when he finds out I do not need his gauntlet to wield the stones.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg I sincerely hope we got all the niggly little typos that typing it up from handwriting brought. There seriously were hundreds. 
> 
> Next chapter? I want to get it done by next weekend. We are so close to the end, I want to finish it :D


	13. We Didn't Start the Fire (only we did)

Okay, so there's a chance Tony's been drinking since Tuesday. Well, all right, he's definitely been drinking since Tuesday. It's Friday. And it doesn't matter because he isn't shitfaced. Just that continual low buzzing sort of drunk that keeps him from remembering the images he saw. Which in and of itself is rather ironic in the Alanis Morisette kind of way. To not want to remember after all the shit he's been through, and yet here he is, pouring himself a breakfast gin and tonic. Into his favourite mug, it's breakfast after all. On second thought, he adds some orange juice for vitamin something and takes a gulp before heading back to chaise lounge- back in its proper place in the library- and lies back down against the pillows.

 

“Jarvis, I need some Tallis.”

 

“Sir, you've been listening to this particular composi-”

 

“A hundred and twenty seven times, I know.” Tony sighs and reaches for the tablet balanced on the back to the chaise. “Helps me think, so please.”

 

“Very well, Sir.”

 

Tony leans against the soft pillows and looks at the data files Bruce had remotely uploaded. They haven't spoken in days, don't have to. They've been working wirelessly on an idea, well, more than that now that they're several rounds into simulations, successful ones at that. If all works out well, if the simulations that Jarvis is running with Loki come out positive, then they have plans to deploy an energy net which with the help of the arc reactor powering the tower would amplify Loki's powers and allow him to shift the entire planet out of phase, protecting it from Thanos until they've defeated him. 

 

It's crazy in ways Tony doesn't want to think about especially when it comes to the magnitude of Loki's powers now. Things are different now, of course they are, no matter how much Tony tries to act the same way around Loki, there's a sense of awe and possibly even fear. Their power dynamic had been precarious at best. It isn't as though their relationship has had any particular luck and if he's honest, Tony misses that first drunken kiss back when he had no idea Loki still had powers. Things change in relationships, but this is more than a little ridiculous. And maybe that is why Tony is hiding in his library with his second breakfast gin and tonic. His back is to the door when it unlocks and opens.

 

“Jarvis, I thought I had asked not to be dis-”

 

Loki appears in his vision, clad in soft dark pants and a tunic. He's pale, incredibly pale, but before Tony can open his mouth, Loki sits down by his feet and leans against the back of the chaise lounge and closes his eyes. They're sunken in, dark circles beneath them and as he shifts, his sleeves ride up a little, revealing a soft blue glow along his veins. Tony's chest constricts at the sight. He wants to touch Loki but after everything, he isn't sure that's safe.

 

“Rough day?”

 

He doesn't expect Loki to nod, slide down and put his head on Tony's thigh in a single fluid motion like he's just completely deflated before Tony's eyes. And like that, the doubts are gone, like that Tony runs his hand through Loki's hair and Loki doesn't swat him away. His hair isn't as soft as it had been. It feels brittle between Tony's fingers. His skin sallow and-

 

“Sir,” Jarvis pipes up, “you have instructed me to remind you of the purpose of your visit should you not inform Mr. Stark immediately.” 

 

“Indeed,” Loki says with his eyes still closed.

 

“Inform me of what?” Tony feels alarmed, tenses as he continues to card his fingers through Loki's hair.

 

“Your machine understands the art of blackmail. Should I not tell you-”

 

“I most certainly will, Sir. He deserves to know.”

 

“So what do I deserve to know?” Tony twirls a strand of Loki's hair around his fingertip, voice playful and calm to conceal the panic slowly rising in his throat.

 

“I am dying, Anthony.”

 

The world is cold. Tony's vision narrows to a tunnel. He wants to laugh at the obvious joke, at what has to be exaggeration. He wants to make a dismissive comment and laugh it off with Loki before they fuck against the book shelves. Anything, anything that would stop this horrible fucking pain inside his chest, because Loki isn't lying, not if Jarvis is blackmailing him, not if he looks like this. Tony's eyes burn, his chest burns, everything hurts. He wants to cry with despair but he looks down at Loki who looks back up at him with tired blue eyes. Despite everything, Loki is here, Loki isn't hiding out somewhere pretending nothing is wrong. He is here telling Tony the truth, the harsh, unyielding truth. 

 

“It's not going to work,” Tony's voice is hoarse as he speaks, “our plan won't work.”

 

“It will not.” Loki says, his voice quiet, defeated.

 

The world is falling out from under Tony. Everything they had worked for; all the shit they went through... for nothing? He empties his drink in one go. It feels as though he's swallowing into a void. His breath is shallow, the drink tastes like copper and that's when he realizes he bit his lip bloody when he brings his hand to his mouth and his fingers are stained red. It doesn't register. There is no pain aside from that empty suction in his gut. And suddenly, he doesn't care about the stupid plan or saving the world. He looks at Loki- who must have sat up while Tony attempted not to fall into internal darkness- and opens his mouth to say something. To tell Loki that they will find a way to save him- and maybe even Earth. He wants to tell him that everything will be okay but when he opens his mouth to speak, all that escapes is a sob, a desperate cry because fuck his emotions live to betray him. And Loki, Loki just leans his forehead against Tony's and closes his eyes.

 

“You can't,” Tony whispers after what feels close to an eternity to find his voice, “you can't, not after all the shit we went through, not now, not when I-”

 

“Believe me, Anthony,” Loki smiles and brings his hand to Tony's neck, “it is not my first choice. Nor it is my second or third. Last choice would best describe my circum-”

 

Tony can't let him finish, can't allow him to explain. He wipes his mouth with his sleeve- like that will stop the bleeding- and kisses Loki without thinking anything else. He can feel Loki's mouth twitch when he tastes blood, expects him to pull away but he doesn't. Thank fuck he doesn't. The kiss is deep and slow and tastes of blood and salt, blood and tears. The blood is his. The tears are not. He has to grip Loki's hand hard not to lose what little composure he has left. Everything they had fought for, everything they had left. This was it.

 

“How-” his voice breaks and he takes a moment before he speaks again, incapable of looking Loki in the eyes, “how long?”

 

“A week perhaps.” 

 

A week. A week. Seven days. One hundred and sixty-eight hours. Ten thousand and eighty minutes. Ten thousand and seventy-nine minutes. It's not enough time. Tony's forgiven Loki but there is still so much they have to reconcile, so many questions they have to answer. They have to save a planet, a universe, and seven days is not enough time to do that and be with each other the way Tony wants to be with Loki. There's not enough time to save the universe and take Loki out to the symphony and fancy dinner wearing exquisitely tailored suits. Not enough time to protect Earth and spend lazy Sunday mornings with breakfast in bed. It is five days until the next Sunday but Loki said 'perhaps' like he isn't sure he will last that long. Tony wants to drink more. Needs to drink more. And Loki doesn't stop him when he reaches for the bottle of gin on the table beside the chaise lounge.

 

“Fuck, I...” Tony trails off when Loki catches his eyes. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. This isn't going to help either of us.” He puts the bottle back down on the table.

 

“It's all right.” Loki smiles, and it's sad. Why is it sad? Aside from the obvious of course. The guy had actively tried to stop Tony's drinking before, back when things were closer to normal. As normal as they got around this place. Why let him drink now without even so much as a question or a look of disapproval. All this time they had been back, and not once had he- it's not all right. It would never be all right.

 

“We're all going to die.” Tony felt oddly at peace with the realization, oddly okay knowing he wouldn't be left behind trying to reconcile a life without Loki again. “What did you do?” He feels ill.

 

“Nothing yet,” Loki leans forward to kiss Tony again. “I wished to tell you first. Before anyone else.”

 

That’s new. That’s strange and that’s new and Tony isn’t sure how to feel about this. Loki.  _Loki_  of all people, of everyone in the world and possibly the universe, waiting to tell Tony his plans. Maybe his eyes narrow, maybe there’s a look of disbelief on his face because Loki smiles and leans to kiss him once more.

 

“Do not be so surprised, Anthony.” He smiles and looks soft and happy and way too young for Tony to be dating- is that what they’re doing- the guy. “Besides, you will not like it.”

 

“Should I be worried?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Silence.

 

“I will wake my son.”

 

Laughter shouldn’t have been the first choice, but it comes out of him like a burst of inappropriate reaction he can’t stop. Neither should have been the next word out of his mouth:

 

“Look, I get that sleeping with your kid, not the greatest choice but I didn’t know and it was totally consensual, but we don’t even know where he is, and what would waking him up even do?”

 

“Vali is not my only son.”

 

Tony deserves that. He does, because he’s choking on his own saliva for a few moments before he can comprehend the scale of what Loki just said.

 

“O..kay,” He’s heard stories from Thor, read the mythology, but really Thor’s never mentioned how much truth there is to what’s been written by people.

 

“You must have read the stories,” Loki smiles at him, “they do call me the mother of monsters, your books.”

 

“That’s what they are though,” Tony leans back against the chaise and runs his fingers through Loki’s hair again, “stories. You are known to lie and cheat and lie and you probably scratch and bite when you fight, too.”

 

“Have you seen my brother?” Loki laughs, reaches for Tony’s hand and laces their fingers. “The laws of nature change once you leave the safety of your planet. Perceptions, communications, longevity, moral codes, your world was so small and you are so young.”

 

Tony snorts. Yeah sure, Loki has a few years on him, okay more than a few, but it’s still Loki.  _Loki._

 

“It’s all a bunch of lies, isn’t it?”

 

“Lies… embellishments…” Loki waves his other hand in a vague direction. Of course he doesn’t want to tell Tony the truth. It would take a long time for him to understand, a long time for Loki to explain, and the one thing they do not have right now is time. As much as Tony wants to sit here, snuggle and make out until the world goes away. They don’t have that luxury.

 

“So tell me what I need to know right now.” He says and sits up, reluctant to break physical contact with Loki, but it’s what they need to do now. It’s what has to get done.

 

“One of my sons, he was born to hold together the nine realms, but he grew far beyond that, he encompasses the universe, asleep, and should he wake, it would be the end of all things, all the worlds consumed with fire to be born again, innocent and new.”

 

“And you’re going to end the world before the big bad wolf gets your stones and plays master of the universe.” Loki doesn’t need to nod for Tony to understand.

 

“It’s the only chance we have.”

 

“I know.”

 

There’s something when he looks at Loki, something he couldn’t permit himself to even think before, but now, now he knows. He looked into the man’s eyes, blue or green or whatever colour he chose them to be. It didn’t matter what form he chose, what he looked like, because he was Loki and Tony lo-

 

“Anthony, I-,” Loki interrupted his thoughts. Words on his lips, and somehow, Tony feels his heart flutter like he’s a teenager again, like he knows what Loki is going to say.

 

“What a touching reunion.” A voice behind them, no, not just any voice.  Tony reaches for his tablet as Vali steps into the room. He needs a suit. He needs it now. “I have impeccable timing, don’t you think father?”

 

Before Loki reacts and gets up, before Tony can call on one of his suits, Vali finds his way to the bottle of gin and smells it, making a face before pouring himself a glass. His actions are calm, nonchalant, but Tony remembers how casually he had murdered his grandmother. Loki is tense beside him, but he watches Vali rather than jumping him. So, Tony follows suit, doesn’t relax, but also doesn’t look for an immediate opportunity for attack. Normally, he’s not one to follow suit, but in this case, it seems the safest option, no matter how awkward it is to sit on the chaise with Loki and just glare.

 

Vali notices and smiles at him. And fuck if the guy doesn’t look exactly like he could be Loki’s kid: tall, slender, long black hair, long fingers; he no longer appears as the bulky, horned alien Tony had encountered in that tavern. Instead, he’s nearly a copy of his daddy, down to the soft leather trousers and tunic, only his is a deep red. Fitting really. Tony shakes his head. Melodrama runs in that family.

 

“Are you my new mommy?” He takes a sip of gin and makes another face at the flavour as Tony clenches his fists. Must be a family trait to know exactly how to push everyone’s buttons.  “Oh no, don’t get mad. Believe me, I jest.”

 

“Why are you here?” Loki is calm and looks much better than he did when he’d first joined Tony, suspiciously better. Gone are the dark circles and the pretty hair and when the sleeve of his shirt rides up a bit, Tony can see the blue glow is gone from his veins. Not gone, but hidden. He’s never going to believe anything he sees around Loki again.

 

“Don’t worry daddy dearest,” he takes another drink before placing the glass on one of the book shelves, “drinks on this planet are vile. However, I am not here to discuss our new family arrangements. I am here with a message.”

 

“We already know his plan.” Loki said and finally stood, slow and deliberate. “You may take your leave.”

 

“And he knows yours,” Vali hissed with a smile, “and you are too late. Much too late. He is already here. And we will take everything you love before we dissect you for your precious stones.”

 

“We? You think you mean anything to him?” For a moment, Loki looks like a cat on the prowl, hunched shoulders, body tight and tense. “Oh please, Vali, do not tell me you are so naïve. Does he call you family? Does he call you  _son_?”

 

“It is more than you ever called me.”

 

“Is this what this all is?” Tony feels like he’s watching some sort of battle but no one is drawing a weapon other than their words. “You feel neglected because you think I did not love you enough? So you sought his love, his affection, his approval? Oh believe me when I tell you that you are wrong. Thanos loves none, but himself. He uses you for his purpose and then he discards you.”

 

“And I use him for mine.” Vali smiles.

 

Tony doesn’t see the dagger until it is in the air, until it flies from Vali’s hand with deadly precision.  He doesn’t see his life flash before his eyes.  He feels it should but it doesn’t. He should move, but he can’t. Fuck if the last thing he does in his life is watch himself be skewered in the face by a dagger. It doesn’t hit. There’s no impact, but there is a flash and Loki disappears and reappears to catch the blade just before it finds its target. No pause, no beat, no breath, as Loki turns and for a moment, Tony thinks he’s thrown the dagger back, but it falls to the floor with a clang. What disarms Vali is the energy that explodes from Loki’s hand and engulfs him until he falls to the ground unconscious- or possibly dead. Blood quickly begins to flow from Vali’s nose and ears and pools by his neck. Dead then.

 

The building shakes before Tony can say anything, before he can ask a question, before he can digest that Loki just killed his own kid to save him. The building shakes again and cement crumbles from the ceiling. If anything out of Vali’s mouth had been the truth, it’s that it is too late for any plans now.

 

“He couldn’t have known what you just told me,” Tony jumps up and grabs Loki’s arm and drags him into the hall. “Jarvis!”

 

The armour waits for him when they run around the corner and Tony steps into it, not giving a second thought to this possibly being the last time he touched Loki. The last time-

 

“Jarvis, what the hell is on top of us?!” There’s no time to contemplate. There is no time to stop. “You got this, kitten?” He calls to Loki who dodges pieces of ceiling that come crumbling down.

 

“Roof top. Meet you there.” Loki disappears without another word.

 

Natasha appears in the hall moments later, her suit is torn and she’s reloading her gun. He doesn’t see Clint but Tony assumes he’s already up high.

 

“This is not a party.” She mutters. “You have no idea what a party is!”

 

“Up on the roof, Stark!” Steve shouts as he runs past Tony. “We’re under attack, the lower floors are overrun!”

 

Lower floors, lower floors where Bruce has been working on the array.

 

“Is Banner okay?” The windows shatter. Tony can’t see an enemy outside, but he can feel the danger in the air.

 

“Banner thought Hulk might be more useful at this time. He’s fine. Thinning out the crowds rushing up the stairs. Thor’s with him. Come on, Tony. We need a better vantage point.”

 

Tony proves himself right when he sees Clint already on the roof, bow and arrow drawn but there are no enemies up here. Loki stands near him, trousers and tunic traded for full-on battle armour and it’s really kind of hot. Not the point as Jarvis so tells him and Tony would have figured it out on his own because Loki, Clint, and now Natasha are staring at the sky, deep grey, green, and purple clouds swirling over the tower. Wind has picked up and if Tony didn’t know this would be the end, he’d believe it nevertheless.

 

“Charge everything.” He tells Jarvis because if he’s going down, he’ll take as many with him as he is able.

 

And then, he is afraid. He is more terrified than he’s ever been before in his entire life. The clouds part, but instead of a ship or a dearth ray or anything else, there is a giant face, purple, threatening, just as Loki had described. But it isn’t just a head, as the clouds part, Tony sees a neck, shoulders, an arm, and a giant hand. Thanos has come for them, and they are nothing but ants. Trying to fathom the size he has to be, trying to fathom the power he has when Tony makes out a giant hand in a giant gauntlet with stones glowing brightly in their settings. And two empty slots, empty slots no doubt waiting to be filled with Loki’s stones. Even though he does not have two stones, he has all the others.  _All_  the others. And they have no one but Loki. He looks over to Steve and Clint and Natasha and all their faces read the same despair. What is there to do against such an adversary? There is no way they’ll win this battle. It’ll be over before it even begins.

 

“Go.” He says and when Loki can’t hear he shoots a blast just over the guy’s shoulder. “Go! There’s no time left and if there’s anything left possible, go!”

 

“Anthony...,” he pauses and fuck they don’t have time for pauses.

 

“Go! End it! He can’t win!” From the corner of his eyes, he sees another arm rise. Thanos would crush the Earth between his hands and then just take the stones from the ruins. “Don’t let our deaths be in vain.” He whispers to himself.

 

Thanos vanishes suddenly, and so does the rest of the world and when it comes back into focus, Tony knows they’re no longer on Earth. And he knows he’s alone, with Loki, but he’s the only one Loki took with him. His chest constricts.

 

“I know you can see what’s happened on Earth.” Tony’s voice shakes. He feels ill, dizzy, and angry. He had made peace with death, sort of, maybe not but that isn’t the point. It’s never the point. “Show me.”

 

“Anthony…”

 

“Show me!”

 

“It’s gone!” Loki shouts and it takes Tony by surprise. “Everything is gone! Everyone you have ever known is dead. They’re all dead! Miss Romanoff, Barton, my brother, the man and his beast, my son, everyone. They’re all dead and I couldn’t stop it!” He paces for a few moments. “You wish to see the destruction? You wish to see the crushed bones of your people, your friends float in space and spend your last hours blaming me for allowing such destruction, blame me for taking you with me instead of leaving you to instant death with your friends?”

 

“Kinda yeah!” Tony is angry. He should have died with them. He should have been there in their final moments, not a memory of the last thing they saw before they died was their friend abandoning them, vanishing before their very eyes. “I told you to go! I told you to go and fix this!”

 

“I couldn’t leave you there!”

 

“You left the others!”

 

“Because I don’t love them, I love you!” The words hit Tony hard, but he’s surprised how much he isn’t. “Be-because I love you and you, you were going to die without me telling you and it’s selfish, it’s selfish to force you die at the beginning of Ragnarok, but I couldn’t let you die without telling you!”

 

“That you love me.”

 

“Yes!” Loki looks confused, exasperated, exhausted, and yeah, whatever form of health he’d taken on earlier had been the lie. He’s dying and maybe his estimate had been a lie to pacify Tony’s worries.

 

“Well, kitten,” he makes sure the air is breathable to humans before flipping up the face plate, “it’s a good thing I already knew because you have shit timing.”

 

Loki laughs, but it’s a strangled laugh. They stand there awkwardly for a few moments.

 

“I think this is when some romantic music is supposed to come to a crescendo and you run over to me and kiss me… or the other way around. Also some magical deus ex machina is supposed to save the day and we live happily ever after.”

 

It’s almost laughable that they both pause just in case, but there is no god or creature to save them, nothing but the silence around them until the ground shakes beneath their feet.

 

“You already woke the kid up without telling me?”

 

“No,” Loki looks past Tony and Tony isn’t sure if he’s seeing or sensing. “Thanos is coming after us. We don’t have much time.” With that, he grabs Tony’s armoured arm and pulls him down stone steps that lead into darkness.

 

“Wait!” He takes Loki’s arm and pulls him close. “Don’t believe in just saying words, actions speaking louder and all that, but end of the world, all the worlds, and everything, probably won’t get a chance to after this. So, yeah, I love you. And it sucks because we’re going to die in a few minutes, but I do and I wouldn’t change a- well maybe the part where you decided to be a douche and take my memories, but other than that, wouldn’t change a-“

 

Loki’s lips on his are hot, and burning, and perfect. Tony doesn’t want the moment to end, doesn’t want to pull away from Loki’s hand on his neck, a moment of perfect bliss surrounded by the very end of everything. It ends before Tony can think he doesn’t want it to end. Neither of them pulls away, but the ground shakes beneath their feet again, stronger, he’s coming closer.

 

“We must hurry.” Loki looks up toward the ceiling and the top of the stairs. “They’re almost here.”

 

It’s hard not to fly into the walls and the suit doesn’t ground very well, but somehow Tony manages to get it and himself to the bottom of the stairs in one piece. The bottom, which is a dead end: a tiny room, circular, no windows, no doors, nothing. Tony knows better now though, knows better than to doubt Loki’s plan. There’s nothing else left in the universe and when he’s told to stand in a specific place and touch a specific spot on the wall, he removes the armour from his hand and places it against the surprisingly warm rock.

 

Loki doesn’t say a word but touches Tony’s hand with his and closes his eyes and whispers words Tony can’t understand. He doesn’t care, he trusts Loki with his life. So he doesn’t startle when the wall suddenly gives way and for a moment, the world is threads of silver, gold, blue, and green. It’s mesmerizing, beautiful, and if the end of the world could have waited a few weeks, Tony would tell Jarvis to record everything, to utilize every sensor, even if it doesn’t matter because they have merely minutes left to live.

 

When they stumble to a halt, when Tony finds his bearings again, they’re no longer in a tiny room or even a bigger room, or anywhere indoors. They stand on top of a mountain, a mountain range, most of it hidden by a band of thick, heavy clouds. At the bottom, he can see a lake deep, with many patches of fog, and when he tells Jarvis to scan it, his instruments go haywire.

 

“Your technology is useless here,” Loki barely whispers. And Tony gets the hint and steps out of it, the armour closing behind him with a soft click.

 

“So your kid’s in here?”

 

“Part of him, yes.”

 

For a few moments, they stand in silence. The air is cool, crisp, and fresh. Tony can’t remember a time he’s breathed such clean air. And the silence, usually, silence bothers Tony, makes him uncomfortable, makes him feel that he has to fill it. Not this time, it’s the kind of peaceful quiet that seeps into the very bones of the person experiencing it. If he wasn’t at peace before, Tony knows he is at peace now here among the quiet, the glossy lake, the fog rolling down the mountains, the starry skies above. The stars should instill fear. He knows Thanos is coming for them, but still he feels safe.

 

“He cannot come here,” Loki looks at Tony. “None but Thor and I can, and Thor-,” He breaks off and says nothing else because there is nothing else to say. Thor is dead, like the others and now that they have a moment to reflect, the pain- Still, they stand in silence and take it all in. It’s the last time, the very last time they’ll be together. The last time they’ll think about their fallen friends.

 

“Gonna miss you, kitten,” Tony finally manages to say even if his voice is shaky and thick in his throat.

 

“Whatever happens,” Loki takes Tony’s hand, “trust the girl.”

 

“Oh come on, we’re about to die and you’re sending me off with another riddle?”

 

Loki smiles. The bastard.

 

“Would you deny a dying man his one last wish?”

 

“You’re an asshole, we’re both dying here.” But Tony can’t help the smile as he leans to kiss Loki for what he figures is the final time. Yeah, he’s okay with ending it like this. As selfish as that may be, he’s glad Loki kidnapped him across the universe and to the source of the end of everything.

 

“Are you ready?”

 

“Wait-,” Tony looks at the armour, eyes still glowing, “Jarvis.” He pulls away from Loki. Jarvis, dear Jarvis had come this far and any other end, he would have forgotten about the armour. He doesn’t step into it but caresses the helmet. “Hey.”

 

“Sir.” There is no waver in Jarvis’s voice, but Tony knows.

 

“End of the line for us, huh.”

 

“It would appear so.”

 

“Loki says we’ll be reborn, and as weird as that sounds and usually I wouldn’t believe it, but if I do, it’ll be you and I. If I forget everything else, I’ll still remember how to bring you back.”

 

“Sir, I am a program, you do not need to address such sentiment. You asked me to serve you and I did until the very end.” There is a pause. “If I may be granted one request.”

 

“Anything, buddy, anything you want.”

 

“Take me offline before the end. Please.”

 

“I can do that.” Tony doesn’t realize the tears forming in his eyes. “I can do that. You wanna open up for me?”

 

When the small panel beside the heart plate opens, Tony hesitates for a moment, but only for a moment. It’s only a half dozen swipes and a few strings of secret code and the lights behind the mask dim for the final time. Way too many final times here, Tony thinks, but he supposes that’s normal for Armageddon.

 

“Sleep tight, buddy,” Tony pats the armour one last time. His plan is to walk back to Loki, but arms wrap around him from behind and he can feel Loki’s chin on his shoulder. “Hey kitten.”

 

“I regret many things, Anthony,” Loki whispers beside Tony’s ear, “but at the end of all to be with you, that I do not regret.” Tony leans into his touch and closes his eyes.

 

“Gonna finally introduce me to your kid?” He finally says and turns to face Loki. It’s not that he really wants to, but they’re just dragging out the inevitable and time is not on their side.

 

They walk to the edge of the mountain. Loki holds out his hands and the soft blue and green glow of the stones becomes visible in his veins. Sunken in eyes look warily toward the water. Loki doesn’t say a word. This is well past speaking now, words mean nothing anymore. There is no blast, no bright energy discharge, nothing but a soft thump Tony can feel in his very bones.

 

Silence continues to reign and for a few moments, the peace feels endless, and just as Tony opens his mouth to speak, to comment on nothing happening, soft ripples disturb the water. He lets out a breath he realizes he’s been holding. His heart races when the ripples turn to waves. This is the end. He’s at peace emotionally, mentally, but his body resists, dumps incredible amounts of adrenaline, and when he sees a head rise from the water- a head the size of the entire lake- his brain switches to survival, tells him to run. He nearly trips over his own feet when his brain sends conflicting impulses on where he should attempt his escape.

 

He doesn’t fall. He can barely move. Perhaps he could if he tried but the pain is sudden and all-consuming. Tony tries to call for Loki, to reach for him, one last connection with the man he loves. The pain is nearly blinding, blurring his vision when he raises his arm to touch Loki. There is no panic left in him when he sees his hand crumble away from his wrist blackened with char, when he sees the skin on his arm crackle, blister, and break. The pain isn’t blinding him. It’s the heat. The fire. He is on fire. Beside him, Loki’s form crumbles to the floor. This is the end.

 

Everything burns.


	14. A Universe Exhausted

Tony opens his eyes. With a start. He doesn’t- didn’t- believe in an afterlife. Yet, he’s awake, and he isn’t in pain and upon inspection none of his body burns or looks like it has ever burned. He sits up on a hospital bed. A dream? A hallucination? It doesn’t matter, he’s alive, thank any-every- deity he’s alive. In moments, he will see the familiar faces of his friends again. He will be told the story of some crazy battle they fought which ultimately rendered him unconscious, in a coma, or just out for the count.

 

No one comes for him.

 

He doesn’t know how much time has passed, how long he’s lain on this bed. There are wires attached to his chest, but the machine beside him isn’t turned on, but he can definitely feel his heart beat inside his chest. There is an IV in his hand, but when he pulls back the tape and gauze, there is no needle leading into his veins. Something isn’t right here. Carefully, he plucks the EKG pads from his chest, hisses when they pull a few hairs with them. Well, he can still feel pain, so there’s that. He pulls the not-IV from his hand and notices the red marks the tape leaves. He can’t be dead if his body still responds.

 

Upon closer inspection, the hospital room falls apart as such. There’s no chart at the end of his bed; he can’t find the call button for a nurse; none of the machines appear to be working; and the IV bag is nothing more than an unlabelled bag of water. He looks further and there are no outlets. His heart is still beating, heavier now in his chest. He remembers what Steve told him had happened after he woke up in the ‘hospital’. They weren’t sure how he’d react, so they’d made up a hospital room to mimic- though only at first glance- something Steve would be used to. Tony can feel his heart beat in his ears as he gets up off the bed, barefoot.

 

The floor feels cold beneath his feet. All he can hear is his breathing- shallow, rapid- and his heartbeat- deep and fast- as he slowly opens the door. He wants to be surprised when there are no sounds of a hospital that flood into the room, when all he can hear is further silence and his own body trying to grip this situation. He feels nauseated as he takes a step outside and suddenly is surrounded by a hallway, a hallway with doors evenly spaced as far as the eye can see.

 

“Okay,” he laughs, but it sounds hollow in his ears, “this is way too cliché to be real. Lokes, what did you do? Come on! I can see through your stupid games!”

 

When he turns around, the door he slipped out of is closed, indistinguishable from the others. He steps toward the nearest one and pushes down the handle. Locked. He tries three, four, five other doors, all with the same result. Of course.

 

“Don’t you think this is a little melodramatic even for you?”

 

Silence.

 

“Want me to find my own way out, all right.” Tony sighs and runs a hand over his face. His mind refuses to contemplate the alternative, doesn’t want to think about the possibility of an afterlife. “Have it your way then.”

 

He walks a few metres before he stops to turn around and look down the corridor again. It all is the same. After a few more locked doors, Tony decides to stop trying and keeps walking, then breaks into a jog. He can feel the wind in his face as he runs, can see the doors move beside him, but it doesn’t feel right. It feels artificial, the floor too soft, the movement uneven like he’s running on a treadmill and someone is rolling a reel of scenery beside him. By now, he should be out of breath, but he isn’t, he hasn’t even broken out in sweat. His heart races but it isn’t from exertion. He’s scared. Terrified to acknowledge that this isn’t something Loki would do. Not anymore, not after everything.

 

It’s when he stops that he realizes he can’t breathe. It’s when he stops his hands feel cold and clammy. The band around his chest tightens and he knows this feeling, the swimming blind fear that follows, the ragged breaths, the darkness fading in from the corner of his eyes-

 

“What the hell?” He reaches for the wall to brace himself before his knees give out, before he collapses to the floor consumed by panic. “What is this place?”

 

“It isn’t hell, if that’s what you fear.” The voice he suddenly hears beside him startles him out of the panic attack. It belongs to a girl, maybe five years old, too small be anywhere unsupervised.

 

“Where- where did you come from? Where are your parents?” He glances down the corridor, but it is still empty, the doors still locked.

“I have been here since you arrived. Most imagine corridors and doors,” the girl looks at him with eyes that can’t seem to decide whether they’re blue or green. “Nearly none see this form and yet you are afraid to think what this all means, even if you already know inside your heart.”

 

_Trust the girl._

 

“Is he here?” He sinks to one knee in front of her. His heart jumps into his throat. “Is Loki here?”

 

“Yes,” she looks at him, half her face in shadow, “but I cannot allow you to see him until you accept this. You’ve already taken much of my time and the very end of all things requires all of my attention.”

 

“Are you telling me to hurry up and accept that I died?” Tony stares at the child who smirks at him, an undeniably familiar smirk. 

 

“It would benefit the universe if you did.” She motions for him to stand. “Father did say you respond better if the situation is ludicrous.”

 

Calm washes over Tony. The prospect of seeing Loki again is enough to chase away the fear and panic. And as he calms his surroundings change, shrink into themselves, and rather than an endless corridor with endless locked doors, it is a small hallway with five doors that Tony can see, all but two are still closed. The corridor has a corner and what he can make out at the end looks like stairs that lead to a lower level. He’s certain the house isn’t real and neither is the plush carpet he can suddenly feel beneath his feet, but it doesn’t matter. It's close enough to real.

 

“So, what does this place actually look like?” Tony can be dead but that doesn’t mean he can’t still be curious.

 

“It is hard for most beings to perceive,” she takes his hand and tugs him along. “All parts of your finite existence are gone and what remains is infinitely small, unperceivable by most, but fear not, at the end of all things, after the fires of Ragnarok recede, all but one will be reborn.”

 

“Rebirth? Like Buddha? Tell me helping to save the universe from peril means I don’t get demoted to an insect.”

 

“You adapt fast,” the girl smiles, “I can see why he loves you, but-“ she stops in front of a door with no handle, no knob, nothing that looks like it could open the thing. “-this is your final goodbye. Father wished for me to grant you a choice, seeing him again is a kindness I gift to only you. He will not know you are here.”

 

“What choice?”

 

“In time, Anthony. You must say farewell before you make your choice. It cannot be clouded by hopes of ever seeing him again.”

 

Tony can feel his heart sink, the corridor expand. What moments he had with Loki before the end suddenly seem meaningless. Panic creeps back up and Tony can feel himself drawn back into a pool of despair. He isn’t allowed to find his way there. The pinch on his arm is hard.

 

“I am not bending the laws of what is for you to weep over a kindness no others have been given before you and never will again.” She sets her jaw as she looks at him and waves her hand. The door opens. “Let go, Anthony, make your peace.”

 

Seeing Loki strapped down to a table isn’t what Tony expected. He remembers the first time he’d seen Loki since the Battle of New York, strapped down and fixed in place with bars and spikes and straps. This isn’t like that, but Tony can’t help the comparison. Not when Loki is held down by what looks like arcs of energy. He looks back at the child.

 

“Why-“

 

“In terms you will understand: to help him sleep.” She doesn’t step into the room.

 

“It’s him, isn’t it? The one in ‘all but one’?” He doesn’t need to see her nod to know. “Why?” He doesn’t ask because he wants to know, but it changes everything. Rebirth, the possibility of finding Loki again, all that’s taken out of the equation. He sits on the edge of the stone slab Loki lies on and traces his fingers across Loki’s hand.

 

“If he is reborn, he becomes the crime that will not be forgiven. I can only protect him here. And before you ask, you cannot stay.”

 

Tony doesn’t respond. Instead, he gently touches Loki’s cheek, watches his chest slowly rise and fall. It’s surreal. He remembers their last moments, though the memories seem to fade the harder he tries to remember, like a dream. So, he focuses on the moment right here, right now, tells Loki about the strange day he’s having, how they’re apparently infinitely small, and how Loki’s kid is probably tossing him into the aether of the universe if he asks another question. He knows he’s imagining the twitch around the corner of Loki’s mouth. And then, words just spill from Tony, remember whens and what ifs and if we had another chances while he holds Loki’s hand.

 

“It is time, Anthony.” The girl moves away from the door and Tony leans to kiss Loki.

 

“You’re never a crime.” He whispers before he presses his lips against Loki’s temple. “I don’t believe in fate. I believe in choice.”

 

“Please,” she speaks from the corridor, “I do not wish to force you.”

 

“Sorry,” Tony gets up, takes a deep breath, and walks out the door, which immediately closes behind him, seamless, impenetrable. “It’s just a lot to take in.”

 

“I understand.” She says and maybe that’s the truth if she’s in charge of all of the afterlife business here. “Come, Anthony.”

 

She leads him to the stairs, big old wooden stairs. They remind him of the Inn on that planet Loki had dragged him to and that forsaken forest. He supposes the rest of his experience here will be filled with nothing but memories. There won’t be anything new added to his life now that he is no longer alive. It’s an odd thing to be conscious of and he assumes that this normally isn’t the case. Otherwise, the poor girl would just endlessly roam about corridors waiting for people to accept their end.

 

“This is where our paths divide.” She looks down the stairs. “Your choice awaits you at the bottom.”

 

“You’re not coming with me?”

 

“I may not interfere with the process, especially not if there is a choice.”

 

“Are you going to tell me what that choice is?”

 

“It is yours to make, Anthony Stark or Anthony Jarvis.” She looks at him, her eyes are now glazed over white. “One door leads to a renewed life, to parents you have already known, to make choices same or different; the other leads to a life completely new, where every moment is unknown until it happens.”

 

“Wait-,” Tony looks at her and then the stairs confused. “Are you saying that I can choose to be my parents’ butler’s kid and just be someone completely different?”

 

“That is your choice.”

 

“That’s why you showed me Loki.” It all makes sense now. If he hadn’t seen Loki, hadn’t found out he would never be part of the universe again, Tony would have blindly chosen his old life in the hope that their paths would cross again, even if he didn’t remember.

 

“You must go now.” She smiles and squeezes his hand. “I am glad to have met you. Farewell, Anthony.”

 

She disappears the same moment Tony feels a push down the stairs and he stumbles the first few steps before walking down. The stairs change as he walks from a wooden monstrosity to clean-cut marble steps and then he stands in a room, white marble floor to ceiling. In front of him two doors already open, blue and purple swirls within the frame. Portals to a new life. For a moment, he wonders how the hell he is supposed to know which life is which, but then he looks at the opened doors: one a door he’s known all his childhood, the heavy mahogany door with the heavy brass door knocker of his parents’ mansion; the other a plain white door with a small window and pretty curtains.

 

“I guess this is it.” He takes a few steps closer but hesitates. Looking to his left and right, the marble becomes transparent and like the endless corridor, there are endless open doors through which small specks of light pass into all of space and time once more. This is what he looks like. This is what is left of him, a small speck of light amongst countless ones. And unlike any of them, he has a choice. He has a choice to decide what life to lead. Being Tony Stark was awesome, but being Tony Stark was also filled with pain and anguish, with more death than he’d ever wanted to see, and less love than any child ever deserved. Loki convinced her to give him the choice to choose a better life. And why shouldn’t he? Edwin Jarvis had loved him more than his own parents ever could. He would not need to create an AI to replace a loving figure in his life because he would be loved.

 

To his left, he watches another speck of light pass through the door without choice and he makes up his mind when a shadow catches his eyes a few portals further. A horned shadow. Tony narrows his eyes to focus. A horned shadow clad in leather and metal, horns like a crown, not a helmet, and a profile he could not mistake.

 

“Loki?”

 

The shadow turns and Tony can see those blue-maybe-green eyes pierce him from a distance. He sees the smirk he knows so well, watches it bloom into a bright, mischievous smile. He opens his mouth, but Loki places a finger in front of his lips before he steps into the portal, into the universe. Tony’s heart races. How did Loki get out? Had this been a test? Had Tony’s words driven him to escape? But how? Nothing seems to happen upstairs without the girl’s permission. Had she felt pity? Tony’s heart races and he can’t contemplate his choice now. Loki is in the universe again and that meant-

 

Without hesitating, Tony steps through the familiar door of his parents’ mansion.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   _fin._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't even. I didn't think I would finish it. And then I did. And then it took me a month to edit two chapters. Life has been insane (break-ups, mysterious illness, moving, etc) and for a time, I didn't think I would ever finish this story. Now that I did, I feel incredibly relieved. Thank you all who have stuck around with me for so long. This final part was a sporadic adventure in endurance and I'm so very glad we made it through. I don't plan on taking a hiatus now that my life has settled again, but I will not post fic I haven't completely finished for the rest of the year. Thank you again for all your support, I hope this brought a sense of closure to it all (or not, cause Loki is a dick lol)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the ever fabulous [fullofleaves](http://archiveofourown.org/users/fullofleaves/pseuds/fullofleaves) for her continued support and brainstorming action to get this baby out.


End file.
